When The Fear Of Conflict Prevents Me From Asserting Myself...

As soon as I feel tension build-up with someone close to me, I take flight. I don’t like conflict, even if I don’t agree with the other person. As a result, I keep it all inside of me, which can generate a lot of annoyance. Rather than this eating away at us from the inside, we need to learn to overcome this fear of conflict to make our voice heard. Why do we run away from conflict? How can we overcome this fear? Here are some explanations.

Contents : 

Why are we scared of conflict?

When we’re scared of conflict, we prefer to opt for silence in order to avoid any confrontation. For a long time, I thought this was a way to live in peace without strong emotions. However, doing so generates negative feelings 😣! By not saying anything, discomfort, frustration, and loss of dignity accumulate…

The fear of no longer being liked

The fear of conflict comes from beliefs that are much deeper in us. We’re paralyzed by our thoughts: “I don’t want to say that, so they won’t get angry”, “I’m scared of hurting my friend and losing her”, “They won’t love me anymore if I say that”, etc. There is permanent insecurity because there is a fear of abandonment behind it all 🥺.

➜ The fear of losing people we love because we express our opinion can also take place in childhood or after an emotional shock. However, there’s also another reason that generates this anxiety…

A lack of self-esteem

If you’re afraid of conflict and losing those around you, it’s also because of a lack of self-confidence. You don’t feel legitimate and valid enough to express your own opinion. Self-esteem is important because it allows you to have a solid construction of yourself in a disagreement. You mustn’t stand up for the sake of standing up or try to be right when you’re wrong.

🙌 However, it’s important to assert yourself and say what you think. Otherwise, you’ll gradually fill up with anger and frustration, resulting in poor management of your emotions.

3 ways to no longer be afraid of conflict

When we think of the word “conflict”, we immediately imagine violent disagreements like a battlefield. We, therefore, feel like it’s an insurmountable situation and that it’s best not to risk it for the aforementioned reasons. Nevertheless, we also know that avoiding conflict is not the solution, as it means we accumulate frustration 🤬.

1. Admit that there is conflict

This is the first thing to do to feel more legitimate in saying what you think. Not everyone has the same way of doing things, thinking, and being, so there are bound to be disagreements about certain points. From that moment on, you need to identify clearly what you disagree with by understanding what you expect and need.

👏 It’s a way of being honest with yourself before being honest with the other person.

2. Help with communication

The best way to tidy up a relationship is to communicate. Indeed, it is a valuable tool when there is a conflict. However, you shouldn’t express yourself in just any way. Non-violent communication is key as it allows you to express your emotions, listen to the other person’s emotions and find a solution together 👭. Just as active listening to the other person is essential if you want to succeed in undoing this conflict as quickly as possible.

3. Work on yourself

We’re the ones afraid of conflict, so it’s necessary to work on our self-assertion 💪. Indeed, as long as our view of ourselves remains ruthless, it will be impossible to enter into confrontation. It’s a long and complicated path to take on our own, which is why we need to surround ourselves with other people. Psychological treatment is a good way to change the way we perceive ourselves to improve our knowledge of ourselves and our emotions ❤️.

Editor’s note: First step, identify the cause

Good news, managing a conflict, a heated discussion, points of disagreement… all of that can be learned, whether in the professional or personal sphere. However, it’s important to identify the cause of this fear of conflict in order to put words to it, go back to the source, and thus instill new behaviors. This work on yourself isn’t easy on your own, which is why we advise you to make an appointment with a psychologist.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy… It’s here and now!
#BornToBeMe

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