What is abandonment, and where does it derive from?
The fear of jilted and rejected originates in childhood. Abandonment is therefore a psychological state of permanent insecurity and the person suffering from it, is therefore constantly on the lookout for affection to fill this void.
People dealing with this irrational fear of being deserted are in fact suffering a kind of paralysis. This can be brought about by making a series of bad choices, especially when it comes to love, and then eventually feeling trapped in toxic relationships. But, where does this fear stem from, and what can be done about it?
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While it is often difficult to identify this fear yourself because it involves being honest with yourself, these two patterns can help you determine whether you are afraid of being abandoned. If you feel like you are being described below and answer ‘yes’, then this is one of your phobias.
1. The affective addiction route
So as not to lose your loved ones, you frequently end up putting their needs ahead of your own. You are unable to say no or set limits, and you restrict yourself in order to avoid hurting them. In fact, this false generosity hides an inexhaustible need to be loved. Deep down, you hate loneliness and will do everything you can to get other people’s attention and affection.
2. The pattern of feeling distant
You may even have to put on a manipulative and cold front in order to protect yourself from everything. However, you must realize that you don’t get into a relationship to avoid feeling alone. To fill this loneliness void, you take refuge in addictions such as alcohol or cigarettes. As a general rule, certain manifestations do not deceive us and these include withdrawal, aggressiveness, a feeling of injustice, depression and deep anxiety.
The fear of abandonment is a very heavy weight to bear for you, but also for your loved ones. Note that living in this constant fear can lead to the behavior you fear most, and that’s living in a toxic relationship and then having to give up.
What are the signs of abandonment?
Certain symptoms help confirm that you suffer from these issues; these include:
- Intimacy is a sensitive subject for you
- You find it difficult to make plans for the future and are anxious about commitments.
- You never have a serious relationship; instead, you prefer to give priority to your friends rather than to a potential partner.
Here are some solutions to treat the fear of being left alone
1. Get to the bottom of the origin of this phobia
The origin usually comes from a badly experienced grief by the child or a difficult separation and then, our adult lives are impacted. Try to put words on your memories is always a helpful tactic. If the origin is unconscious and unknown to you, therapies such as psychoanalysis can help you identify this injury.
2. Establish axes of progression
Don't hesitate to set yourself simple and achievable goals. Instead of being anxious and trapped in your discomfort, ask your partner more questions about what he does and his plans in order to feel more reassured and less anxious.
3. Learn to love yourself
List all your successes and what you like about yourself, in order to regain self-confidence. Dare to compliment yourself in front of a mirror! Learn to appreciate your company so that you are no longer afraid of loneliness.
4. Take a step back
Dedramatize situations that you imagine being negative. You need to ask yourself the right questions, such as ‘Is it really so bad if this relationship ends?’ or ‘Can I really not live without my partner?’.
The editor’s opinion – This is heavy baggage to carry
This suffering has two sides. On the one hand, the feeling of not corresponding to what our partner is expecting, and, on the other hand, the certainty that the break-up is inevitable. And this, when it happens, appears as a new proof that we are not lovable. Being followed by a professional makes it possible to take control of the problem, to forgive oneself, and will help you to understand that you deserve love.
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