In addition to being extremely painful, a betrayal turns everything in your life upside down and has many consequences. It's difficult to get back on your feet and regain your self-confidence after experiencing this. Yet, life goes on, and we can't afford to let ourselves get stuck in the past.
In friendship, as in love, there is a sort of moral contract between two people. However, when this contract is shattered and everything comes crashing down. The disillusionment is total, yet we must then mourn the relationship and deal with the consequences. In life, deception is never trivial and often leaves deep scars that can take years to heal.
Getting over betrayal - The 5 steps you need to take to put the hurt behind you
1. Make a phone call to a friend.
A problem shared is a problem halved! Choose an attentive ear that will understand you without judging you. Finding support will be invaluable in helping you move forward and will surely open your eyes. What if your break-up was a good thing? Perhaps this has rid you of a toxic relationship?
2. Refocus on those who you care about.
Take time to list what you care about, what makes you feel good, and the moral values that are unique to you. If the person who betrayed you no longer corresponds to these values, then you have been lucky enough to escape from this relationship.
3. Understand the process of moving forward.
The person who betrayed you certainly has their reasons, even if they are not acceptable to you. Hearing them allows you to better manage your disappointment or to grant forgiveness if you feel able to start afresh.
4. Take time to reflect.
Don't jump to conclusions, especially if the facts have been reported to you by a third party. Ask yourself if you have done something wrong, or if it’s not just a simple misunderstanding? In short, take the time to calm down and analyze the situation before taking action.
5. Look towards the future with positivity.
It's not about replacing the person who abused your trust, but simply about meeting new people so that you can move on more quickly. Happiness is something we learn, and little by little the disappointment and loneliness that invades you will fade away. This will give way to the memory of a probably shaky relationship that ended because that's the way life goes…
Why do people betray the people they love?
The general thinking about why people cheat on their partners is that there is something wrong with the cheater or the relationship. Often, we assume that cheaters have some unresolved pathology, trauma, or dysfunction, or at best some form of emotional immaturity, that drives them to infidelity. Other times, we assume that the primary relationship is flawed in some significant way that creates a perceived need for external sex and intimacy. Either way, we tend to view infidelity as symptomatic of underlying problems. The infidel and/or the relationship are troubled, and cheating is the result.
And guess what, more often than not, this is the case. Sometimes the cheater has an attachment deficit disorder. Sometimes the cheater has unresolved childhood trauma and uses the excitement of illicit sex and romance as a distraction from painful feelings. Oftentimes, the cheater knows he or she is in a relationship that is not right for him or her and uses these feelings to justify the infidelity or to seek a new partner before abandoning the old one. At times, the primary relationship lacks sexual fire or emotional intimacy, so the cheater has a one-night stand or an affair to fill the void. And so on.
The editor's opinion: Heavy consequences…
Any act of disloyalty has heavy consequences, it's real trauma. Especially since this duplicity is often accompanied by a feeling of guilt because we imagine that we are responsible in one way or another. In cases of infidelity, it's often called the “post-infidelity stress syndrome”. These symptoms resemble those of post-traumatic stress disorder.
If you seek help to regain your balance, you must at all costs prevent this event from leaving a permanent mark on your future relationships.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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