What Is Unconditional Love? Richness Or Destruction?

Last updated by Katie M.

When I hear “unconditional love”, I think of Romeo and Juliet and all their tragic associates. So it seems as beautiful as it is that unconditional love appears to be mainly sad, even dangerous. And I think about the love we have for our children, and I think that this pure love, which suffers no limits, is truly a unique and precious feeling… but not without risk.

What Is Unconditional Love? Richness Or Destruction?

How to recognize unconditional love?

Love is a very strange and mysterious feeling that is an inexhaustible source of inspiration for so many storytellers, poets, scientists and even ordinary mortals. Love is THE question that drives us because it doesn’t respond to any of the rules, it’s the result of many things that depend on each individual. To come back to the subject we’re interested in, let’s say in simple terms that there are two types of love: conditional love and unconditional love.

Conditional love isn’t free 💞

Conditional love doesn’t take anything away from the beauty of love. Let’s just say that it’s less absolute than unconditional love. Indeed, if your love is subject to a condition, it takes away a little something. We notice the other person’s qualities, but also their flaws too, and we love them with all that, but… we expect more or less consciously something in return: emotional security, a quality we’d miss, attention, time, filling an egocentric need, a material comfort, etc. In a way, and in a very trivial way, but without it being necessarily negative, conditional love is an exchange and a trade. It’s not free, we expect something in return from the love we give.

Unconditional love expects nothing ❤️‍🔥

Unconditional love knows no limits and expects nothing in return. As I said in the introduction, unconditional love is notably the love we have for our children, but it can also be found in couples. This love makes us love the other person’s qualities and flaws, without trying to change them. We love them without limits, with an absolute and uncontrollable love. We therefore accept their habit of throwing their shoes in the hallway, their love handles, their nose hairs and their selfishness too, for example. But it’s also a love that makes it easier to forgive. Infidelity, betrayal, wrongdoings and sometimes even violence are forgiven much more.

Does unconditional love exist?

Unconditional love is therefore a love that can be considered true, the most romantic of all. It’s quite rare to feel it and to find it. Nowadays, we tend to seek our individual and immediate pleasure, so this love that requires absolute dedication is quite unique, especially since it can generate a lot of suffering.

>>> You may be interested in this article: Why do couples no longer fight to save their relationships?

What are the limits of unconditional love?

According to specialists, unconditional love is born out of suffering: a lack of love and self-esteem. We then love the other person without limit because we’re satisfied with their presence alone, or because this love marks a deep disrespect for ourselves. An unconditional lover is also often an immature lover, someone who refuses to grow up and devotes themselves to their love for the other person in order to fall back into a parent/child relationship out of nostalgia or something lacking.

Unconditional love therefore has no limits, it’s in its very nature. This is what can make it absolute, but what can also make it destructive. By accepting and allowing everything, we’re also telling the other person, “Do whatever you want, hurt me if you wish, I’ll stay with you no matter what.” And that opens the door to an unhealthy and rather unfulfilling relationship. A truly toxic relationship in fact.

It's all about balance

Do you want to know how to define true love? Well, simply by having an equal relationship. Unconditional love can create an imbalance, an asymmetry. One may love more intensely than the other, and this love will cause suffering in the other partner. The person receiving this love may feel suffocated, or even feel that they’re not up to the task. The unconditional lover, on the other hand, may suffer from not being loved back as much, but also from being unable to grow and feel fulfilled outside the relationship.

⚖️ In order to be happy and fulfilling for everyone, a relationship therefore has to be balanced with both partners loving each other equally, respecting each other and accepting each other’s independence.

Passion or love? You’ll find out one day!

The thing about unconditional love is that it’s not so easy to control. Remember the early days when the relationship is in its infancy? At that precise moment, our brains are in unconditional love mode. It’s passion, everything is beautiful, and we accept and love the other person fully. Our rational brain comes knocking again several months later and presents us with reality in a new light. You now find the person you used to love to coo with on the sofa, sluggish and too indoorsy. Unbearable? Then you break up with them. Bearable? Then you’re on the right track!

The loves that last are those where there’s indulgence and why not a certain tenderness for the other person’s flaws, but the line isn’t crossed, there are limits: mutual respect, self-esteem.

In short, there’s no right way to love. In a relationship, communication, empathy and respect must always prevail in order for the relationship to be balanced, healthy and fulfilling. Unconditional love must therefore make you happy; if that’s not the case, then some introspection may be needed: Do you lack self-confidence? Do you have a childish side? Do you have difficulty setting your limits? Etc.

Editor’s note: It’s all about balance

In love, like anywhere else, it’s all about balance and communication. Each person must be able to blossom within their relationship and feel supported and loved for who they are, with their qualities and flaws. If your relationships are complicated, tumultuous, a source of suffering, and you’re unable to find your happiness, it’s time to ask yourself some questions. Where does this pattern come from? Why does it keep repeating itself? What do you expect from a relationship? Don’t wait to make an appointment with a psychologist in order to take stock if you feel something is wrong.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!

Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

How To Make A Narcissist Fear You?

Now, I know what you’re thinking, scaring a narcissist is impossible, so, let me stop you right there because it’s totally false! Getting these awful manipulators to fear you is no easy challenge, however, there are certain things you can do that will help you turn the tables on them in no time. Letting these abusers know that they’ve met their match is the first important step toward the road to recovery, so I hope you’re ready for the journey. Here are 10 ways to scare a narcissist

What Exactly Does It Mean To Be An Extrovert?

I wish I could say loud and clear that I’m an extrovert, but not at all. I belong to the opposite team, the team of introverts. However, even though we don’t operate in the same way, that doesn’t prevent me from being surrounded by extroverts. I myself have a few moments when my introversion gives way to my extroversion, when I feel good, surrounded by a few people that I know well. So how does extroversion work? How is it different? What can you do to get on well with an extrovert? Let me explain.

Everything You Need To Know About Hyper-Empathy

Sometimes you’re devastated by your best friend’s break-up, sometimes you’re euphoric about your sister’s pregnancy... Sometimes it feels like other people’s emotions are invading you, so much so that you feel like you’re experiencing what they’re going through like it’s your own life. Have you ever felt this way? Maybe you’re affected by hyper-empathy, a characteristic not dissimilar to hypersensitivity. But what exactly is it? How do you distinguish between the two? And above all, how do you know if you’re hyper-empathetic? Let me explain.

Why Do Narcissists Stare?

Narcissists have a reputation for being amongst the most manipulative people out there, and rightly so! The truth is, these people are so good at the evil things they do because they operate under the radar and use covert methods to exercise their depraved missions. Now, one of the biggest and seemingly most unsuspecting techniques they use to manipulate and control their victims is staring. You're no doubt a little dubious about a stare being an effective tool in the art of manipulation, but it's true, a void and menacing look is one of the most intimidating and unnerving gestures that these folks turn to.

8 Reasons Why All Narcissists Are Hypocrites

If you know anything about narcissists, you'll surely be aware that they are extremely overly judgmental and critical, especially towards other people. Their faultfinding stems from their perception of ultimate superiority, and therefore legitimizes them in holding people to intimidatingly high standards. However, although they may believe they are pretty much perfect, the reality couldn't be any more different, yet they are slightly more forgiving with themselves. That's right, they are huge hypocrites and go from one extreme to another in a split second. Here we discuss the reasons behind their hypocritical behavior.

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? - Let's Settle The Debate

There you have it, the nature vs nurture debate is back, only this time I want to focus it on those deviously manipulative personalities we refer to as narcissists. Now, evidently these folks get bad press and rightly so because they are often at the root of plenty of harm, but is it really their fault? Can they really be blamed for their terrifying and perhaps inherent traits, or are they simply just products and in this case victims of their environments? Let’s settle this debate once and for all and figure out how and when this disorder becomes apparent. So, are you born a narcissist or is it developed?

Why Do I Feel Bad When People Don’t Message Me Back?

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.

How Does A Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You?

You probably know by now that narcissists only ever look for one thing and one thing only; and that’s control! Whether in their personal or professional life, folks with this personality disorder need to be in the driving seat and the one calling the shots, otherwise all hell breaks loose. Although their cunning and manipulative nature means they are often hard to escape, it is still possible to turn the tables on them and take the upper hand. Yet, you’ll need a thick skin to do so because when they feel their power slipping away, they become even more dangerous and abusive; here’s how they react when that happens.

How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist?

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most horrific challenges anyone can ever go through in life, but that’s not to say that their reign of terror will last forever. Evidently, breaking the cycle of abuse isn’t exactly straightforward, however, once the discard phase has been activated and victims realize that they can walk away with their heads held high, the revenge phase can commence. Unsurprisingly, getting even with a raging egocentric narcissist needs to be carefully planned, but ironically, their self-centered personalities expose to many axes of revenge, which will evidently really get to them…

How Do Narcissists Behave Sexually?

As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. Discover how they behave in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde

How to soothe an anxiety attack