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How did I end up loathing life?
Ever since I was diagnosed with depression 5 years ago, Iāve been in a sort of downward funk and havenāt been able to look on the bright side of things. Although I may seem to have everything together, I certainly donāt. Yes, I have a job, yes I have friends, yes I have supportive family members, but that doesnāt mean Iām exempt from feeling hopeless and lost. In fact, none of this stuff actually matters and definitely doesnāt provide a miracle solution that allows me to stop feeling so bad. If anything, it makes me feel worse and in a sense more guilty. I canāt just flip a switch and turn off what Iām feeling inside. The emptiness in me is way too deep, and nothing seems to help me stop hating the life Iām in.
Iām different to everyone else
I wonāt deny it, Iāve never really felt like I fit in with everyone else. The first time I remembered I felt different, I just brushed it off and put it down to my being a hypersensitive teen. And from that point onwards, I buried my true feelings for years and somehow managed to put a smile on my face for 8 hours a day to convince people and probably myself that I was doing well. Well, Iāve had it with doing that and have finally decided to put a stop to all the pretending.
Friends and family, people of the world, Iām finally ready to admit that I hate my life! Yes, thatās right, I despise my job, I despise having to keep up pretenses and not being able to speak my mind. This life that I lead just doesnāt make me happy or fulfill me. In fact, I feel like Iām living to make other people happy and havenāt been able to give my own needs a second thought.
Itās time I turned things around
I recently had a revelation that I needed to change. Although I canāt currently say I love my life, I want to be able to enjoy things like other people. I want to be able to smile genuinely when I get good news, I want to laugh, I want to have fun and feel free. I want it all, and I want it now! We only get one life, so we may as well make the most of it and do what we can to enjoy ourselves. Understanding that I needed to change is only a small part of this journey. In fact, the hardest part is definitely actioning positive changes, but I think Iām ready for the challenge and want to be able to live my best life!
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5 Steps Iām taking in order to stop hating life
The time has come for me to leave this burdensome hatred behind, because I deserve to be happy, so this is how Iām going to go about it.
1) Bye bye social media
Social media is arguably one of the best inventions ever, but it can be extremely harmful and toxic too. Now, whenever I find myself scrolling through photos on Instagram; a little nagging voice in my head awakens and makes me feel even worse about myself. Why isnāt my life as perfect as everyone elseās? Why donāt I constantly dine out at expensive restaurants? Why donāt I vacation in the Bahamas? You probably get the gist, but in case you donāt, social media is a platform of comparison for many of us and needs to be left well alone, especially if like me, you suffer from confidence issues.
2) Iāve decided to start eating healthy
Iām definitely not about to go vegan on you, but Iāve definitely discovered the benefits of a good diet. No one loves a big greasy burger more than me, but if Iām honest, eating poorly does nothing for my mood. If anything, it makes me more angry at myself for giving into the temptation. By slowly making the effort to incorporate more fruit and vegetables, Iām starting to see myself in a more positive light and learning that I have enough discipline to achieve change. Iām almost proud of myself, which is super rare for me to say!
3) Iāve started seeing a therapist
Iāve never really been open with my feelings and always worry about the idea of people judging me when I open my heart, and this probably explains why Iāve put going to therapy off for so long. When I finally decided to seek help, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and definitely didnāt feel ashamed or weak. Working with my therapist has shown me that I am capable of seeing things differently and donāt need to feel terrible about everything 24/7.
4) Iām taking steps to conquer that negative inner voice
We all have a little enemy lying within us, which needs to be banished forever. You know, that little voice that tells us that weāre not good enough. These negative triggers are completely toxic and do nothing but bring us down and prevent us from relishing in the beauty of life. Whenever this voice makes itself heard, it needs to be shut down and replaced with positive thoughts.
5) Meditation is my go-to activity
Iāve always heard about how relaxing and freeing meditation is, yet I didnāt really believe the hype surrounding it. Although, when I tried it for the first time, I instantly got why so many people turn to it. Being alone with my thoughts in a calm environment allows me to rationalize my feelings and emotions. This safe thinking space is key in showing me that things arenāt always as bad as I often assume.
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Is it normal to dislike life?
Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes we certainly feel like there are more lows than highs. Whether it be breakups, arguments, or professional failures, our paths are often littered with disappointing events that bring us down and force us to question whether we actually enjoy life. That being said, although we all go through tough times, we must also know how to acknowledge our luck and fortune too. After all, there is always someone much worse off than we are. Disliking life for long periods of time isnāt normal, and if you are feeling this way, perhaps itās time for you to consider the possibility that you might be depressed. Depression may seem like an intimidating illness, but with the right support and advice, it is manageable and doesnāt stop people from leading fulfilling lives.
Editorās opinion: Thereās no short-term solutionWhen weāve decided we hate our lives and genuinely struggle to find any positives, it often takes extensive introspection and efforts to turn things around. Thereās no easy solution to fixing what you feel, but taking positive steps will lead you to a happier and brighter place in the long run. The key to feeling better and reconciling with yourself is giving yourself time to realize what you have and just how lucky you are. Mental health is tough, but it doesnāt have to ruin everything for you. š¤ Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Letās do it here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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