How did I end up loathing life?
Ever since I was diagnosed as suffering from depression 5 years ago, I’ve been in a sort of downward funk and haven’t been able to look on the bright side of things. Although I may seem to have everything together, I certainly don’t. Yes, I have a job, yes I have friends, yes I have supportive family members, but that doesn’t mean I’m exempt from feeling hopeless and lost. In fact, none of this stuff actually matters and definitely doesn’t provide a miracle solution that allows me to stop feeling so bad. If anything, it makes me feel worse and in a sense more guilty. I can’t just flip a switch and turn off what I’m feeling inside. The emptiness in me is way too deep, and nothing seems to help me stop hating the life I’m in.
I’m different to everyone else
I won’t deny it, I’ve never really felt like I fit in with everyone else. The first time I remembered I felt different, I just brushed it off and put it down to my being a hypersensitive teen. And from that point onwards, I buried my true feelings for years and somehow managed to put a smile on my face for 8 hours a day to convince people and probably myself that I was doing well. Well, I’ve had it with doing that and have finally decided to put a stop to all the pretending.
Friends and family, people of the world, I’m finally ready to admit that I hate my life! Yes, that’s right, I despise my job, I despise having to keep up pretenses and not being able to speak my mind. This life that I lead just doesn’t make me happy or fulfill me. In fact, I feel like I’m living to make other people happy and haven’t been able to give my own needs a second thought.
It’s time I turned things around
I recently had a revelation that I needed to change. Although I can’t currently say I love my life, I want to be able to enjoy things like other people. I want to be able to smile genuinely when I get good news, I want to laugh, I want to have fun and feel free. I want it all, and I want it now! We only get one life, so we may as well make the most of it and do what we can to enjoy ourselves. Understanding that I needed to change is only a small part of this journey. In fact, the hardest part is definitely actioning positive changes, but I think I’m ready for the challenge and want to be able to live my best life!
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5 Steps I’m taking in order to stop hating life
The time has come for me to leave this burdensome hatred behind, because I deserve to be happy, so this is how I’m going to go about it.
1) Bye bye social media
Social media is arguably one of the best inventions ever, but it can be extremely harmful and toxic too. Now, whenever I find myself scrolling through photos on Instagram; a little nagging voice in my head awakens and makes me feel even worse about myself. Why isn’t my life as perfect as everyone else’s? Why don’t I constantly dine out at expensive restaurants? Why don’t I vacation in the Bahamas? You probably get the gist, but in case you don’t, social media is a platform of comparison for many of us and needs to be left well alone, especially if like me, you suffer from confidence issues.
2) I’ve decided to start eating healthy
I’m definitely not about to go vegan on you, but I’ve definitely discovered the benefits of a good diet. No one loves a big greasy burger more than me, but if I’m honest, eating poorly does nothing for my mood. If anything, it makes me more angry at myself for giving into the temptation. By slowly making the effort to incorporate more fruit and vegetables, I’m starting to see myself in a more positive light and learning that I have enough discipline to achieve change. I’m almost proud of myself, which is super rare for me to say!
3) I’ve started seeing a therapist
I’ve never really been open with my feelings and always worry about the idea of people judging me when I open my heart, and this probably explains why I’ve put going to therapy off for so long. When I finally decided to seek help, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and definitely didn’t feel ashamed or weak. Working with my therapist has shown me that I am capable of seeing things differently and don’t need to feel terrible about everything 24/7.
4) I’m taking steps to conquer that negative inner voice
We all have a little enemy lying within us, which needs to be banished forever. You know, that little voice that tells us that we’re not good enough. These negative triggers are completely toxic and do nothing but bring us down and prevent us from relishing in the beauty of life. Whenever this voice makes itself heard, it needs to be shut down and replaced with positive thoughts.
5) Meditation is my go-to activity
I’ve always heard about how relaxing and freeing meditation is, yet I didn’t really believe the hype surrounding it. Although, when I tried it for the first time, I instantly got why so many people turn to it. Being alone with my thoughts in a calm environment allows me to rationalize my feelings and emotions. This safe thinking space is key in showing me that things aren’t always as bad as I often assume.
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Editor’s opinion: There’s no short term solution
When we’ve decided we hate our lives and genuinely struggle to find any positives, it often takes extensive introspection and efforts to turn things around. There’s no easy solution to fixing what you feel, but taking positive steps will lead you to a happier and brighter place in the long run. The key to feeling better and reconciling with yourself is giving yourself time to realize what you have and just how lucky you are. Mental health is tough, but it doesn’t have to ruin everything for you.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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