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From troublesome mother-in-law to intrusive grandmother
Becoming a couple means having to learn to live with each otherās parents, but when you become parents yourselves, things can sometimes get complicated. Beforehand, we only used to see each other on rare occasions. Parties, birthdays, a few family meals, but now sheās become a grandmother, sheās involved in raising your child. This is normal, itās just that the slightly annoying mother-in-law has turned into an invasive grandmother, who also has an opinion on everything.
Already during the pregnancy, she examined all of my meals and selected for me what I should eat. She wanted to choose the name or criticized our choices. In the maternity ward, she wouldnāt let go of my son, despite his discomfort or tiredness. I had to breastfeed, choose a home-based nanny, and not run to my son as soon as he cried. Two days after we got back from the maternity ward, she turned up at our house unannounced to see if everything was okay and look after our son. There were also times when she made an appointment for him to see an allergy specialist because he had a bit of eczema.
The calm before the storm
In the beginning, I said nothing or replied a bit half-heartedly. I was actually waiting for my partner to react because she is his mother after all. Except for that one day, she ripped the pacifier out of my sonās mouth because sheās never been able to stand pacifiers. The gesture seemed violent and inappropriate. I just cracked and everything Iād been holding in my heart for months and months all came out. With no filter, with no restraint, and with a lot of shouting and tears. We argued and even broke off all ties for a few weeksā¦ Although with a child, we prefer calmer situations.
>>> You may be interested in this article: Learn to say no and assert yourself
Your mother-in-law is an invasive grandmother: How to respond and deal with her?
1. A bit of calm and a lot of distance
Is your mother-in-law always making comments about how you raise your child? Is she insistent, and can she even be unpleasant? At her age, itās difficult to get her to change, so thereās no point in being as aggressive as her or even more so. When she calls out to you, turn a deaf ear and take-off (āoh, I need to go to the bathroom!ā). Trust yourself, you know how to raise your child and her advice, while good, maybe a bit outdated or simply not suited to you.
2. A fake smile and a little thank you
āYou should leave him to cry, youāll turn him into a spoiled bratā, āHeās chubby, isnāt he? Are you sure youāre not giving him too much to eatā, āYou really donāt buy him very nice clothes.ā Faced with this type of derogatory remarks, are you ready to come to blows? Stop! Nothing will get better and no good will come of such behavior. Put on your fakest best smile and simply say something like: āThanks, thatās a good piece of advice/a good idea, Iāll think about it.ā And continue as you were. Your mother-in-law undoubtedly means to do well, even if sheās very insensitive. She wants to be involved and help. So think of the good intention more than the annoying words.
3. Gently but firm
If the impromptu visits are becoming increasingly frequent and long, and if they interfere with your privacy or your childās well-being, be firm! Kindly refuse everything that annoys you and suggest an alternative that suits you better.
4. Help and support each other
A bad relationship with your mother-in-law can cause problems in your relationship. Talk about your discomfort with your partner. Heāll probably find it difficult to accept that his mother is toxic, but he will be able to help you if you ask him instead of always being critical. Put yourself in his shoes, even if you complain about your own mother, itās difficult to hear the criticism from your partnerās mouth. Make sure that your partner supports you. Youāll therefore avoid any conflict between you, and youāll be on the same page when talking to your mother-in-law.
>>> Learn how to recognize toxic relationships
Editorās note ā But why is she so mean?How can you explain why your mother-in-law is such an intrusive grandmother? Well, put simply, rivalry! As soon as she sees her son go to another woman, a more or less conscious rivalry sets in. Especially if sheās going through an unstable period in her own relationship or if sheās scared of getting old. Sheās simply afraid that youāll be more successful than her, and that youāll therefore leave her out. So in response, she gets fully involved with your child to show what a good mother she was. Except that now, everyone has their right place! š¤ Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Letās do it here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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