My Mother-In-Law Is An Intrusive Grandmother, How Do I Deal With Her?

Last updated by Katie M.

On Monday, Grandma had a little present for him; on Tuesday, she was just in the area; on Wednesday, well it’s Wednesday, children’s day; on Thursday, she came to see if everything was okay; on Friday, she was still around and the rest of the weekend too. With the added bonus of advice and thoughts… Do I crack or get on with it?

My Mother-In-Law Is An Intrusive Grandmother, How Do I Deal With Her?
Contents: 

From a troublesome mother-in-law to an intrusive grandmother

Becoming a couple means having to learn to live with each other’s parents, but when you become parents yourselves, things can sometimes get complicated. Beforehand, we only used to see each other on rare occasions. Parties, birthdays, a few family meals, but now she’s become a grandmother, she’s involved in raising your child. This is normal, it’s just that the slightly annoying and narcissistic mother-in-law has turned into an invasive grandmother, who also has an opinion on everything.

Already during the pregnancy, she examined all of my meals and selected for me what I should eat. She wanted to choose the name or criticized our choices. In the maternity ward, she wouldn’t let go of my son, despite his discomfort or tiredness. I had to breastfeed, pick a home-based nanny, and not run to my son as soon as he cried. Two days after we got back from the maternity ward, she turned up at our house unannounced to see if everything was okay and look after our son. There were also times when she made an appointment for him to see an allergy specialist because he had a bit of eczema.

The calm before the storm

In the beginning, I said nothing or replied a bit half-heartedly. I was actually waiting for my partner to react because she is his mother after all. Except for that one day, she ripped the pacifier out of my son’s mouth because she’s never been able to stand pacifiers. The gesture seemed violent and inappropriate. I just cracked and everything I’d been holding in my heart for months and months all came out. With no filter, with no restraint, and with a lot of shouting and tears. We argued and even broke off all ties for a few weeks… Although with a child, we prefer calmer situations.

>>> You may be interested in this article: Learn to say no and assert yourself

Your mother-in-law is an invasive grandmother: How to respond and deal with her?

1. A bit of calm and a lot of distance

Is your mother-in-law always making comments about how you raise your child? Is she insistent, and can she even be unpleasant? At her age, it’s difficult to get her to change, so there’s no point in being as aggressive as her or even more so. When she calls out to you, turn a deaf ear and take-off (“oh, I need to go to the bathroom!”). Trust yourself, you know how to raise your child and her advice, while good, maybe a bit outdated or simply not suited to you.

2. A fake smile and a little thank you

“You should leave him to cry, you’ll turn him into a spoiled brat”, “He’s chubby, isn’t he? Are you sure you’re not giving him too much to eat”, “You really don’t buy him very nice clothes.” Faced with this type of derogatory remarks, are you ready to come to blows? Stop! Nothing will get better and no good will come of such behavior. Put on your fakest best smile and simply say something like: “Thanks, that’s a good piece of advice/a good idea, I’ll think about it.” And continue as you were. Your mother-in-law undoubtedly means to do well, even if she’s very insensitive. She wants to be involved and help. So think of the good intention more than the annoying words.

3. Gently but firm

If the impromptu visits are becoming increasingly frequent and long, and if they interfere with your privacy or your child’s well-being, be firm! Kindly refuse everything that annoys you and suggest an alternative that suits you better.

4. Help and support each other

A bad relationship with your mother-in-law can cause problems in your relationship. Talk about your discomfort with your partner. He’ll probably find it difficult to accept that his mother is toxic, but he will be able to help you if you ask him instead of always being critical. Put yourself in his shoes, even if you complain about your own mother, it’s difficult to hear the criticism from your partner’s mouth. Make sure that your partner supports you. You’ll therefore avoid any conflict between you, and you’ll be on the same page when talking to your mother-in-law.

>>> Learn how to recognize toxic relationships

Is it okay not to like your mother-in-law?

Yes, it’s completely normal, so don’t beat yourself up about it! In relationships between women, there are a lot of judgments and comparisons, and between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law things are even more complicated because the mother will try to keep or regain her place with her son. This leads to a kind of rivalry with her daughter-in-law, and jealousy. According to Freud, the mother-son relationship is "based on narcissism that no subsequent rivalry disturbs". But sometimes, the established order is shaken, and it is not to everyone's liking. As long as everything remains cordial, then there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Editor’s note – But why is she so mean?

How can you explain why your mother-in-law is such an intrusive grandmother? Well, put simply, rivalry! As soon as she sees her son go to another woman, a more or less conscious rivalry sets in. Especially if she’s going through an unstable period in her own relationship or if she’s scared of getting old. She’s simply afraid that you’ll be more successful than her, and that you’ll therefore leave her out. So in response, she gets fully involved with your child to show what a good mother she was. Except that now, everyone has their right place!

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Quality Of Life At Work, An Important Issue!

One of the things that attract me the most when I apply to a company is the quality of life they offer. And be careful, when I say the quality of life, it’s not just about having a table football table in the break room, with a bowl of fresh fruit. It’s a set of aspects that will enable me to feel good at work. What are they? How do you define it, and why is it such an important issue? Quality of life is a vector for performance and well-being, and it can make all the difference. Let’s explain.

Can You Really Cut Ties With Your Family?

“You either love your family or you leave them!” Ah, if it were that easy, but unfortunately, not everything in family relationships is black and white. And one of the hardest things to do is to just leave and cut ties with your family. Is this something that you can really do? Even though the answer varies from case to case and from situation to situation, we can try to analyze and ask ourselves whether we can end a family relationship, as we can with all other relationships!

How To Break Up With Someone You Live With - 5 Tips To Go About It

Have you decided to end your relationship, yet you want to do it in the kindest way possible? If you are in this situation, you must go about it in the right way, regardless of what's gone on or who is to blame. Breakups can be brutal, and you don't want to inflict pain and suffering on your partner, right? But you can't exactly let yourself be unhappy for much longer either, and need to move out. Letting someone down gently is a tough balance to enact, and it involves asking yourself the right questions to make the separation as painless as possible. If you want to be able to walk away from your partner in the smoothest possible way, you're in the right place.

The Power Of Hugs, It's Time To Share The Love

Individualism is great, but deep down we all have needs and do enjoy connecting and exchanging with other people. Humans all need a little affection and comfort at some point in their lives, no matter how strong they claim to be. That's right, at certain points in our lives, we all need to feel reassured, cared for and love, and hugging does just that! The question is why is this seemingly simple gesture so important in lifting our spirits and making us feel better?

10 Morning Routine Ideas For Productivity, Plus They Take Less Than 5 Minutes

At 6:55 a.m., the dreaded alarm clock violently rings out. By 6:56 a.m., you're no doubt already stressed at the thought of having to get up, get ready and rushing around. Yet with a little motivation and 5 minutes to spare, you can transform this stressful morning ritual into a moment of relaxation. A productive day starts in the morning and motivates us to go out and be successful. Starting out right will set you up for a great rest of the day and will remodel your attitude into a winning one! Take a deep breath and put the normal stress to the back of your mind because we're about to enter a peaceful space.

Early Signs Of A Toxic Relationship, And Tips On How To Escape

It's often tough for those in abusive relationships to face the music and admit that things aren't healthy. Controlling behaviors span from constant criticism, which makes victims feel drained, to domestic abuse. If any of these situations ring true to you, then it’s probably about time you gave your relationship some thought and started thinking about leaving the relationship and moving on. We're here to discuss what qualifies a relationship as toxic and what we need to do to put an end to the abuse. After all, it's time you made your future brighter and started focusing on your wellbeing.

These Are The 10 Most Common Reasons People Divorce

Love is only said to last 3 years, which probably explains why only 50% of marriages get past the 9-year mark. Learning this made me instantly realize that I needed to start making more of an effort with my partner if I didn't want to part of this sad statistic. Relationships are tough, what with the daily grind, the invasive in-laws and the temptation to go looking for affection and attention elsewhere. Without further ado, discover the 10 most common reasons for divorce.

Why Do I Constantly Need To Be In Control?

Wanting things to go well is perfectly normal, but sometimes this need for perfection can represent a huge barrier in our lives. Do you have trouble not giving in to the temptation of micromanaging everything in your life? Does leaving things to chance make you nervous and put you on edge? Where does your need to control everything come from? Letting go and becoming more easygoing will change everything for you and help you start living your best life. Discover how to let loose and free yourself from this need.

So What If I Hate Working?

I always thought that I was surrounded by people who loved their jobs, that is until I started openly talking about how much I hate working. Let’s get one thing straight, I’ve never liked my job, but have only recently built up the courage to talk about it. That's right, I used to hide my despair under a huge smile in an effort to convince myself I was overreacting, plus I was also afraid of other people judging me. In fact, daring to share my thoughts got me asking if I was the problem; was I the black sheep? Or, were my reasons for this bold statement justified? It's time to see if are all secretly on the same wavelength.

Why Am I So Used To Falling Out Of Love At Record Speed?

My longest relationship only lasted 2 years, which might not seem like a long time, but it's a big achievement for me because I can never usually get past the 6-month mark without becoming bored stiff. Even though my past relationship have always been healthy, they've never satisfied me, which lead me to wonder am I cursed with eternal dissatisfaction? Relationships never seem to excite me for long enough and always eventually fizzle out, leaving me wanting to head for the hills. Despite my past failures, I still believe in love and want to get to the bottom of why I give up on romance so easily.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to soothe an anxiety attack