6 Tips for shy people on how to speak up
1. Stop labeling yourself as an introvert
What if I looked at my personality from another perspective? By judging myself on a time in my life when I wasn’t comfortable in public, I ended up believing that I was just simply shy. However, I have many qualities; I’m creative, sporty, curious… so STOP!
Let’s get things straight
Shyness is just a filter temporarily preventing me from showing the world who I am. It doesn't define me; it's a momentary state, like when you get a cold!
2. Don't use it as an excuse
Shyness is the worst type of counselor. If I listen to it, I will never conquer my shyness, but instead, do the opposite. By hiding behind these excuses, I don’t make any progress and I miss out on fun times and meeting great people.
> Read about the symptoms and causes of an anxiety attack.
3. Learn to come to terms with the notion of failure
Introversion often involves feeling scared. Stop trying to be successful and overly pushy, because that’s just risking not succeeding. And it also means you are not learning how to recover and bounce back (by the way, bouncing back makes you just as proud of yourself as succeeding does).
4. Take care of yourself and learn to love everything about you
Behind my timidity, I’m hiding the huge lack of confidence I have in myself. I need to find a way of working on my introversion and addressing that shortfall when I have no other choice than to expose myself in front of others. Introverts are often told, “you can’t tell you hate speaking out!” (The red blushing invading my face mustn’t be that bright…), the proof that I can fool anyone… During public events, I pluck up courage by getting ready and putting on an outfit I feel great in. Other people are like a mirror; if they see that I’m comfortable, I go along with it without worrying about what they think!
5. Stop considering other people as scary strangers
We are all human, and in that sense, they are not there to judge me or make me feel inferior. Each time I start to stutter when speaking to someone, I think of this phrase: “A stranger is just a friend we haven’t met yet”. By telling myself that I am talking to someone who is probably very kind, I instantly feel more relaxed.
6. Take on small daily challenges
I do this progressively so that my hard work doesn’t seem overwhelming. I set myself challenges step by step, such as asking trivial questions to a new person every day (“What time is it? What’s the best restaurant around here?”). Then, over time, I realize that no one is going to bite me, therefore making me better able to string a sentence together to start a conversation with someone.
What causes a person to be shy?
The most obvious causes of shyness go back to childhood. A shy adult is usually a child who was very timid in their younger years. It is within the family environment that the child begins to learn how to live in society... This is also where everything is played out for the future! A child who is regularly teased, threatened, or criticized by family members or at school is likely to suffer from shyness in the future. He or she will tend to avoid contact with others and withdraw completely into himself. There are other situations that lead to shyness. Overly protective or overbearing parents can also have a negative impact on the developing adult. With overprotective parents, the child cannot properly prepare for life in society and does not have the necessary weapons. With strict or overly lax parents, the child may lose self-confidence, feeling constantly belittled or unworthy.
Many difficult times can lead to shyness and fear. A child who is very comfortable with people can become a shy adult if he or she has a series of bad experiences. For example, he or she may experience public humiliation, a very painful failure, repeated teasing, and hurtful remarks. Imagine a person who is attacked daily about his or her looks or temperament. Unconsciously, he or she will have no choice but to withdraw into himself or herself. Even a complicated and unexplained break-up can trigger shyness.
Editor’s opinion - It’s not an illness, but there is a cure
Conquering your shyness isn’t as difficult as you might think. It looks complicated to pass as someone confident and a great speaker, but by going through certain steps, at your own pace, anyone can do it.
There are several methods we can use: developing your self-confidence is a solution, allowing you to assert yourself and not get scared when someone looks at you. Some breathing techniques can also be adapted to help you speak in public, without stress getting in the way. For the more artistic amongst you, many people who used to be shy have learned to manage their emotions and work on their speaking voice through drama classes!
And, if despite all that, the thought of having the attention on you still terrifies you, you can overcome this character trait by getting help through behavioral therapy.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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