“Oh, you’ve got a daughter? You’ll see that she’ll prefer her father when she grows up, it’s the Oedipus complex, after all!” Have you never heard that kind of phrase? I have, and it works with boys and their mothers too. Except that now that I know what the Oedipus complex is, I find it quite absurd to still hear this kind of talk. But what exactly is it? Why is it an outdated theory? Let’s take a look at the Oedipus complex and why we need to get rid of it.
The Oedipus complex is a concept from psychoanalysis theorized by the famous Sigmund Freud. It was inspired by the Greek tragedy written by Sophocles.
The legend of Oedipus Oedipus is said to have been abandoned at birth by his parents. As an adult, he kills a man in a quarrel and marries the man’s wife. Except that the man he killed was actually his father and the woman he married was his mother. |
Freud then used this myth to theorize that from the age of around 3, children would want to get closer to the parent of the opposite sex and eliminate the parent of the same sex. So a little boy would be in love with his mother and a little girl with her father. Admittedly, some behaviors change from this age onwards, but isn’t this theory a little obsolete? Yes, completely, and here’s why.
👋 You may be interested in this article: What is pansexuality?
Almost everyone has heard of the Oedipus complex. Some people believe in it like hell, but the problem is that the existence of this complex has never been verified by empirical evidence. In other words, Freud was never able to demonstrate that a child was formally attracted to the parent of the opposite sex, as researcher Frederick Crews explains in his book “Freud: The Making of an Illusion”.
Even worse than the lack of evidence, advancing this theory would be tantamount to attributing sexual desire to a child 😥. Admittedly, children become aware of their bodies and genitals at this age, but in no way do they understand sexuality and desire. The consequence? It’s that some people use the Oedipus complex to justify acts of incest. This gives the aggressors an excuse, because in Freud’s theory, it’s the child who’s at the origin of this drive, not the adult (so we’re at sixes and sevens 🙃!).
👋 You may be interested in this article: Am I bisexual?
Freud is still very much in the limelight, except that his ideas and work are from another century. In particular, he was the one who attributed hysteria to women, explaining that the only cause of our ills was sexuality 😅. In general, Freud had an obsession with sex and placed it at the center of his research.
In an interview for the newspaper L’écho, Filip Buekens, professor of analytic philosophy, has this to say about Freud:
“It’s an understatement to say that psychoanalysis is a pseudo-science [...]. Freud’s theories don’t allow us to understand things – which is one of the fundamental needs of human beings – but give us the illusion that we do. Our brains are designed to make connections between things quickly, even if they don’t exist. We see images in clouds, in inkblots, etc. Freud cleverly abused this. He came up with a few empty concepts – repression, fear of castration, anal fixation, the Oedipus complex – which in fact make it possible to interpret anything. [...]” |
Not to mention that at the time, it was inconceivable that there could be same-sex parents. Yes, we were a long way from the LGBTQIA+ movement and the freedom to love whoever you want. So how do you apply the Oedipus complex to a couple of women or a couple of men? Well, it’s simply not possible, which proves once again that it’s a theory that’s got nothing to do with our times 🙅♀️.
👋 You may be interested in this article: What are the four types of attachment?
What we need to understand is that Freud’s vision of childhood behavior was highly stereotyped and binary. In itself, this may be understandable, since he lived in an era with deeply rooted traditional values and where sex was taboo.
He was certainly able to observe certain behaviors in children, two in particular. The first is that around the age of 3, children become aware of their genitals. This is NOR-MAL, as they become aware of their existence in a general way and explore their body and its reactions. The second is that there’s always a phase when a child prefers one parent more than the other, but attachment theory explains this phenomenon better than Freud’s writings.
If we have the impression that we’re seeing an Oedipus complex in our child, it’s above all because society pushes the young to construct either a feminine or a masculine identity and to integrate heterosexuality. So we’re a long way from a non-gendered education, not to mention the fact that these days we make a distinction between gender and sex, something Freud would never have done in his day 😬. So just let Oedipus be a Greek tragedy!
Editor’s note: Everything becomes clearer!Now you know everything there is to know about the Oedipus complex and its limits! We hope this article has shed some light on the subject. If you’re worried about the way your child(ren) are behaving, or if your relationship with your parents isn’t easy, and you’re suffering as a result, make an appointment with a psychologist. Take the time to take stock, understand your situation, and find the keys to a happier existence. 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
Be sure to check out these articles too;
Article presented by
Lauren, Hart
"Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!"
I’m starting to get tired of the routine and daily grind. Yet, I’m hesitant to step out of my comfort zone and take the leap. My bubble is reassuring, and so far, I’ve thrived in it, but I no longer want to be held back by the fear of trying new things. Stepping out of your comfort zone brings many benefits, so how can you dare to take the plunge? Here are 5 tips to get started! 💪
We tend to think of New Year as a sort of fresh start, making it the perfect time to break a bad habit and adopt a better one. After all, we all want to be better, so it’s natural to want to make good resolutions to bring about change. But what happens when we don’t stick to them? After years and years of watching t-shirts pile up because “this year, I’m starting to exercise” and never following through, hello, sense of failure! So, what do we do with New Year’s resolutions? Do we choose better ones or just forget about them altogether? 🥳
If there’s one article I was eager to write for Wengood, it’s this one. I’m part of what’s called the “neuro-A” community, in other words, “neuroatypical” individuals. It might be a term you’ve heard before without really knowing what it means. So, what is neuroatypicality or neurodivergence? Is it an illness? A personality trait? A way of functioning? If you’re asking yourself these questions, you’re in the right place—I’m here to answer them.
Intense anger outbursts, disproportionate verbal and physical aggression… These are all signs that may indicate intermittent explosive disorder (IED). I know what I’m talking about because someone in my family has it. For a long time, I struggled to understand their explosive anger reactions. I think they themselves didn’t know why they reacted that way… until they were diagnosed. Let me explain.
The big introvert that I am has long struggled to approach others. It’s true that taking a step toward someone isn’t easy, especially when you’re dealing with additional challenges: introversion, lack of self-confidence, social anxiety… Having experienced all of this myself, but having made progress over the past few years, I have a few tips to share with you so that you too can come out of your shell. Let’s get started!
If I’ve never experienced a burglary as an adult, I did go through it during my childhood. I remember the uneasy feeling of knowing that strangers had entered our home. I kept wondering if they would come back… The psychological impact of a burglary should not be underestimated. What does it trigger? How can one overcome the feelings of fear and insecurity? Let me share my thoughts with you.
Sharing everything with your partner is a sign of a healthy relationship for some people, even when it comes to working. However, that being said, for others, working with their partner just seems like a bad idea and the perfect recipe for tension. Do we need to separate our personal and professional lives, or is it okay to blur the lines and mix everything? After all, what could do wrong? Find out how to cope when your significant other is also your coworker!
“In any case, you’re the favorite.” I’ve heard this phrase coming from my sister’s mouth over and over again. For a long time, her jealousy spoiled our lives, but I only wanted one thing: for us to be close and united. She poured her resentment in my face for many years until it got out of control. I couldn’t stand feeling so much anger and guilt at the same time. Soothing 30 years of jealousy hasn’t been easy, but there are ways to avoid getting to that point. I didn’t want jealousy to cut me off from my sister!
Growing up with narcissistic parents is certainly no easy feat, because, let's face it, people with this disorder are unsympathetic, selfish, manipulative, egotistical, and dishonest, yes, that's right, these traits aren't exactly those showcased by the parents of the year. Realistically, these folks simply don't have the basic qualities required to become good parents, which is why, when they choose to have a family, things often spin out of control, and the narcissistic abuse undoubtedly crushes children's mental health.
Is the gaze and approval of others essential for you? Are you incapable of saying no? Do you do everything you can to get yourself noticed? This excessive need to please may well be indicative of a profound uneasiness. Why do you need to feel validated by other people so much? And how can you free yourself from this oppressing tendency? We reveal everything you need to know for a more straightforward lifestyle.
Comments