What Happens When The Narcissist Knows You've Figured Them Out

Last updated by Katie M.

Dealing with a narcissist is never simple because let's face it, these folks aren't exactly the most reasonable or stable people around. Now, due to the fact that they are quite simply obsessed with being in control and particularly concerned with how they are perceived, they don't exactly take being exposed very well. Indeed, once they realize that you are on to them and have sussed out their behavior, they become very vindictive and plunge their victims into a further world of pain. Here are 10 things they often do when the jig is up.

What Happens When The Narcissist Knows You've Figured Them Out

Exposing a narcissistic partner will undeniably drive them crazy. That's right, for them, being figured out and shamed for their vicious behavior is pretty much synonymous with losing all of their power. When they work out that you are on to them, you must expect some unusual yet truly toxic reactions, including;

10 Things narcissists do when their victims figure them out

1) They'll give you the silent treatment

When these toxic folks realize that their narcissistic supply is drawing to an end and drying up, they'll immediately shut down on you and head for the hills. That's right, their instant response will be very immature, however, by going totally silent on you, they convince themselves that this is their last act of abuse. Indeed, they believe that the less information they give you about why they behave in such awful ways, the more pain they inflict on you. After all, they want you to suffer, and hate the idea of you moving on.

2) They'll claim YOU'VE damaged their mental health

If you've ever been in a toxic relationship beforehand, you'll know that these people are grade-A liars! Making their victims feel bad is their forte, and they certainly won't hold back when it comes to drumming up sympathy. When they feel you slipping through their grasp, they won't hesitate when it comes to turning on the waterworks and making you look like the bad guy. This explains why you must expect them to make claims about you being the toxic partner, and your attitude taking a toll on them.

3) They'll begin a smear campaign

Once these toxic manipulators feel that the jig is up, they won't waste any time in starting up narcissistic smear campaigns, with the aim of dragging their victim's name through the mud. Essentially, the goal here is to create a completely different narrative, in which they paint themselves out to be the victims of the awful abuse.

4) Their rage will spiral out of control

Whenever the end is nigh, these folks do typically act in fairly predictable ways, but that doesn't necessarily mean they become any less scary or any less intimidating for that matter. Here, you can expect abusers to fly off the handle regularly and into a narcissistic rage over pretty much anything. Indeed, once the pressure gets to them, and they realize that they are on the verge of losing everything, they unleash all of their anger and spiral totally out of control.

5) They'll look for sympathy from your family members and friends

Let's face it, when it comes to manipulating people and stepping over boundaries, these toxic personalities are complete experts in the field. When their victims have decided to put a stop to their campaign of abuse and mistreatment, they'll instantly act out and try to steal their friends and family away from them. They'll basically do whatever it takes to get those close to their victims on their side, even if it involves lying and creating a false narrative.

6) They'll refuse to let you break free

Once they feel that a trauma bond has been established, folks with a narcissistic personality disorder will refuse to let you walk away, despite their fear of being exposed. With you, they feel that they can do anything and everything without you kicking up too much of a fuss, so why would they change their attitude, and let you leave? After all, constantly manipulating someone is hard work, so why would they want to start from scratch when it comes to breaking someone else's spirit?

7) They'll crank up the love bombing

Love bombing is one of their favorite tactics and one they generally use at the beginning and the end of their relationships. When they sense that their victim has had enough, the abusers will shower them with expensive gifts and sweet compliments in an attempt to get them to stay by their side. You've guessed it, they'll try to buy their affection and forgiveness...

8) They'll panic

Now, there aren't many things that really worry a narcissist, but, the idea of being exposed for what they really are drives them crazy. In fact, it can force them to act out and become even more devious and evil. When they believe the relationship is coming to a definitive end and that they are losing control, they'll launch themselves into a frenzy of despicable madness.

9) They'll try to gaslight you

One of their techniques for getting their victims to stay by their side is gaslighting. At this point in the narcissistic abuse, they'll say and promise anything to get you to change your mind. This is where you particularly need to be strong because you certainly don't want to fall back into their trap of deceit. Despite what they promise you, you need to see through their lies and trust in your heart that you are doing the right thing by walking away.

10) They'll search for a new victim

When these manipulators realize that you've figured them out and are mentally prepared to move on, they definitely don't waste a second when it comes to finding more prey. For them, narcissistic supply keeps them going and gives them the amusement they need in order to feel powerful and important. Essentially, their victims are just numbers for them, and are easily replaceable, despite what has happened.

What scares a narcissist away? - 3 Things that terrify them

Contrary to popular belief, narcissists are in fact very weak people who will go to any lengths to hide their flaws, even if that means making other people’s lives hell. So, what is it that scares them off?

1) Disrespect 

Of course, no one likes disrespect. But because narcissists think highly of themselves, they need others to do the same. They don't tolerate it at all when someone treats them disrespectfully. It drives them crazy, and they take it very personally. They can hold grudges for years.

2) Rejection

Because they have a high opinion of themselves, narcissists can't stand rejection. They need to think that everyone is interested in them and that their whole life revolves around them. For them, rejection is a painful thing that makes them feel insecure, and they can't stand the feeling.

3) A tarnished image

Narcissists worry a lot about what others think of them. They are very careful about their image and reputation. If someone makes fun of them, it's the end of the world. They can't stand to be in a vulnerable position. Nevertheless, they can make fun of others and make fun of themselves without feeling bad.

Editor's opinion - Be prepared for a roller coaster ride

Walking away from a toxic partner is never an easy feat, however, your efforts to break free will always pay off in the end. Escaping a dangerous environment will always present lots of challenges, however, having the strength to push through them and prioritize your mental health is a testament to your values and is certainly something you ought to be proud of.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, and be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

🌻 Discover the world through my eyes.

Our most popular 'psychology' articles:

What Happens When A Narcissists Loses Control? These 10 Things...

You probably know by now that narcissists only ever look for one thing and one thing only; and that’s control! Whether in their personal or professional life, folks with this personality disorder need to be in the driving seat and the one calling the shots, otherwise all hell breaks loose. 😨 Although their cunning and manipulative nature means they are often hard to escape, it is still possible to turn the tables on them and take the upper hand. Yet, you’ll need a thick skin to do so because when they feel their power slipping away, they become even more dangerous and abusive; here’s how they react when that happens.

The 10 Weak Points Of A Narcissist Revealed

Each one of us has our own weaknesses that hold us back in life; be it at work or in relationships. However, on a more positive note, most of us have the will to work on them and transform them. That being said, once narcissists are brought into the picture, the idea that they want to work on their weaknesses doesn’t exactly seem feasible. For a deeper understanding of these narcissists and more insights into the workings of their minds, discover their weak spots and which pointers they struggle with on a daily basis, yet aren't willing to admit or work on 👎.

What Do Narcissists Hate The Most? - 10 Things That Drive Them Crazy

Knowing what narcissist manipulators hates can help victims to break free from their evil psychological grip. Indeed, even these manipulators see themselves as invulnerable beings, their victims often ignore how their pathological narcissism makes them suffer in many ways. 😱 Let's take a closer look at what these cunning beings cannot stand, and what exactly drives them wild. Now, we all get angry for one reason or another, but people with this personality disorder have different triggers related to the things they despise.

Can A Narcissist Become Obsessed With Someone?

Now, narcissists are known for demonstrating a worrying lack of empathy along with deviously manipulative traits, oh, and before I forget to mention it, HUGE egos too 😈. Yes, that’s right, they love spending hours looking in the mirror and being told how fabulous they are. To put it in other words, people with this personality disorder are firmly in love with themselves, to the point of being totally obsessed with their so-called perfection, but the question is, can they put their self-admiration aside enough to become preoccupied with someone else? If, on the other hand, you're looking to get a narcissist hooked on you, you're in the right place with these tips.

Are Narcissists Insecure?

There is no denying that narcissistic personalities display some deeply worrying and disturbing traits, but what if these devious traits were just a means of protection? What if they were in fact a complete facade, fabricated to keep people away, in the hope of hiding their deepest darkest insecurities? 😱 After all, everyone has weak spots, even the most confident and put together of people, so why wouldn’t a narcissist deal with the same niggling doubts as everyone else? It's time we got to the bottom of this and discovered why these folks are so insecure.

What Is The 333 Rule For Anxiety And Panic Attacks? It's A Soothing Technique

I want to be completely open and honest with you, so let’s get started. Anxiety has dominated my life for the past 5 years and has been at the root of countless panic attacks and bouts of intense stress 😟. You’ve probably guessed it, but it has had a devastating impact on my mental health and has therefore changed my life for the worst. Now, I’m not here for a pity party, but instead of focusing on the negative sides of this condition, I want to share the most effective tip I’ve found when it comes to feeling less anxious and reducing panic attacks; so without further ado, let’s take a look at the 3-3-3 rule.

Split Personality

Are you familiar with dissociative personality disorder? You may well think of schizophrenia, yet the two conditions are different. What is dissociative personality disorder? We’ll explain all.

How To Heal From The Pain Of Being Rejected

Whether it’s the breakdown of a relationship, a family dispute, or even being fired dismissal... We have all experienced the feeling of being rejected, excluded, or left out. Whilst some people manage to bounce back quite quickly, others suffer from it in a persistent way. As for me, I understood how to move on, because I was able to recognize my rejection wound. So, how can we overcome the fear of rejection and move on from it?


“He’s lying through his teeth!” You’re confronted with a mythomaniac in your close circle. You had no doubts about what they were saying and after conducting your own little investigation, you’re stunned! They’ve been leading you on since the beginning… They invented a life for themselves. But why? How do you recognize a liar, and how can you protect yourself? We’ll tell you everything.

Why We Feel So Socially Exhausted After Lockdown

“Are you coming to the party on Saturday?” After months of restrictions and several lockdowns, I must admit that I wasn’t expecting to hear this question. So I did a series of things, I had drinks with my girlfriends, I went to parties, lunches, etc. And without realizing it, I felt exhausted. Why do I feel like I've been running on empty since the end of lockdown?

More insights into our personalities:

Ergophobia: When The Fear Of Work Eats Away At You…

I know the real fear of work. I suffered from it for a long time, but I’m happy to say that today I’m cured. It’s an illness that can make others smile, as you can easily be seen as lazy. However, it’s not the case for people suffering from ergophobia, the fear of work. Where does this fear come from? How can it be treated? All will be explained.

6 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Apologize - They Hate Saying Sorry

I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness means I’m not exactly the most willing person when it comes to uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’, but I always push through my pride; although unfortunately, the same can’t be said for narcissists... Indeed, people who suffer from this personality disorder will simply never hold their hands up and accept responsibility for their actions, despite how deeply they’ve hurt your feelings. 😱 You know the idiom getting blood from a stone, right? Well, when it comes to apologies from these toxic personalities, nothing is more appropriate, and here are 6 reasons why!

6 Differences Between Being Self-Centered And Being A Narcissist

When it comes to mental health disorders, the parameters of each condition often seem blurry, and this explains why many of us have trouble identifying them. Plus, certain disorders frequently encompass similar symptoms and traits, making recognizing and therefore understanding them even more complicated. Let’s take being selfish and having a narcissistic personality disorder, for example. Because they overlap on such a huge scale, upon first glance, they do in fact seem indistinguishable to many of us. That being said, when you dig a little deeper, the differences do become more and more apparent.

I Have Fits Of Anger

Anyone who’s never felt anger can close this article! We’ve all felt this virulent emotion at one time or another 😡. It’s neither bad nor good, but it has the right to exist. It’s healthy to feel angry when you’re betrayed or a victim of an injustice. However, when anger attacks are recurrent, it’s good to learn how to control them. When anger hurts others or ourselves, it becomes a problem.

I’m Scared Of Failure

“I won’t manage it”, “I can’t do it”… I often say this because I doubt my abilities tremendously. Being so negative allows me to calm my fear of failure a bit. By doing nothing, I don’t run the risk of failing. I prefer to do nothing and remain in a state of waiting, for fear of not succeeding. So I procrastinate, thinking about the fact that I didn’t take the plunge out of anxiety. How can I overcome this fear to really start doing things?

Why I Hate Conflict And What I Need To Do To Face It

As soon as I feel tension build up with someone close to me, I take flight. I don’t like conflict, even if I don’t agree with the other person, I run from it. As a result, I keep it all inside of me, which can generate a lot of annoyance. Rather than this eating away at us from the inside, we need to learn to overcome this fear of conflict to make our voice heard. Why do we run away from conflict? How can we overcome this fear? Here are some explanations.

What Are The Signs That You Are Unhappy?

I sometimes feel bad, I don’t have the energy anymore… When we encounter financial, family, or other difficulties, as well as serious events such as bereavement, we accumulate psychological wounds. We can be resilient and move on, but we can also be overwhelmed by a growing sense of unease. There’s no shame in feeling bad psychologically, it happens to us all. However, spotting the signs of unhappiness enables us to be alert and to take care of our mental health.

8 Reasons Why Millennials Feel So Lost

If you ever find yourself watching the news or reading traditional journalism outlets, you’ll no doubt have picked up on the bad rep that millennials get. That’s right, we millennials (those of us who were born between 1981 – 1996) are often criticized for being ‘woke’, overly sensitive, entitled, and lazy. Now, isn’t that a bunch of adjectives you’d instantly like to forget! As you can probably tell, I don’t agree with the evaluation regarding our age group and am here to explain why we feel so lost and disconnected.

Why Do We Like Being Scared?

Making up ghost stories, talking about horrible legends, wanting to talk about spirits… I think we all did it when we were children. Even as adults, if we like watching horror films or documentaries about serial killers, it’s because we love scaring ourselves! 😱 However, the question we may ask ourselves is why we like being scared? There are neuropsychological and sociological reasons behind this attraction. All will be explained!

How To Get Rid Of Your Horrid Complexes

Legs too fat, lips too small, scars or even shyness, whether it’s physical or psychological, complexes often have the bad taste of spoiling our lives and making us unhappy. But we won’t let them do that to us! We’re worth more than that, right?

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist


  1. Only LoveBen Howard
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
  4. Beautiful DayU2
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
  6. White FlagDido
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
  15. With Or Without YouU2
  16. HelloAdele
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
  19. WingsBirdy
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar

How to detect a narcissist?

How to detect a narcissist?

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde