Stop Saying “If You Don’t Love Yourself, Then Nobody Will”!

A very guilt-inducing phrase

One day, I was scrolling through Instagram as usual when I came across a post that hit the nail on the head. It said this 👇:

- You have to stop telling people, “nobody will love you until you love yourself”. -

All of a sudden, I was overcome with gratitude. As someone who has a complicated relationship with myself, with fluctuating confidence, it did me a world of good. I heard this phrase for a long time when I was single. I was told that self-love was a priority and that I didn’t have any, I couldn’t be loved 🥺.

It’s true that self-confidence is important to be able to play the game of seduction. It also avoids having a completely unbalanced romantic attachment style ⚖️. Nonetheless, it’s still a guilt-inducing phrase that’s best to be avoided, whether you know the person well or not.

False beliefs confirmed

Firstly, it’s cruel to say that a person won’t be loved because they don’t have self-confidence. It’s cruel because a lack of confidence can stem from a traumatic past, an abusive relationship, a state of depression or anxiety, etc.

In this example, does this mean that I’m not worthy of being loved? No, on the contrary, especially as trauma, a toxic relationship or any other cause can be at the root of false beliefs. These are automatic thoughts that aren’t verified and that persuade us that we’re worth less than nothing. So saying this sentence to someone who already has these thoughts will only reinforce them 💔.

👋 You might be interested in this article: How can good self-esteem help us through tough situations?

No prerequisites for love

I know that people who say this sentence don’t mean any harm and are only trying to encourage the other person to love themselves more. Except that it’s just toxic positivity, you can’t push someone down the path of acceptance. A lack of self-confidence can’t be fixed in a few days. It can take years, especially if there’s trauma, abuse, or depression behind it. So we need to start from the premise that loving yourself isn’t a prerequisite for being loved.

✅ If you feel like saying it to someone close to you, you need to learn to get rid of your own savior syndrome, think before you speak, and say instead: you’re worthy of being loved.

This will do the other person much better than telling them they have to change before they can be loved. Especially as some people develop their self-love thanks to the kind love of someone else. This was the case for me, and I don’t regret getting into a relationship with a lack of self-confidence 🥰.

Be sure to check out these following articles;

• I struggle to delegate
• What career should I choose if I lack self-confidence?
• Why does nobody listen to me?