One of the things that most influences our exchanges with others is our self-confidence. Yes, it plays on listening to others, because if we don't assert ourselves enough during a conversation, especially with several people, we'll go by the wayside 😅. Sure, we can be introverted, but we have to learn to overcome our shyness and be convinced by our own ideas. We have to believe in our words and in ourselves to get the attention of others. In fact, people will be more likely to listen to charismatic people who know where they are going 😎.
Self-esteem is worked on, by people who are confident in themselves, and detach themselves from the gaze of others 👏. When you have a solid construction of yourself, you dare to say what you think, while knowing how to argue.
For a long time, I started my sentences with an apology. Except that I hadn't offended anyone, and that was the same as apologizing for existing! Yes, this is totally related to self-confidence, I was always afraid to disturb. We have to convince ourselves that we are valuable and that we are on an equal footing. Especially since making excuses that are not necessary will bore, or even irritate, the people who are listening to us. So it's best to stop apologizing for being yourself 😉.
👉 Women apologize more than men (thank you patriarchal society 😅), except that it kills our self-confidence. This is what sociologist, Maja Jovanovic, explains in her Tedx video.
If we said thank you instead of sorry, it wouldn't be any worse, right 😬?
A little too much negativity?
Another way we behave that can scare others away is when we show negativity. Being pessimistic can reflect real pain, but expressing our negative emotions will be demotivating, especially to people who don't know us well. The only thing that will come out of the exchange is our rumination and how we see the glass as half empty, rather than half full 🍷. It is important to express our suffering, but we need to do it with the right people, like a therapist. He or she will be empowered to listen to us and help us get out of this permanent negativity (👋 Why can't I ever see the positive?).
Difficulty talking and putting ideas into place
A lack of self-confidence can have a huge impact on how we behave and speak. If on top of that, we have difficulty putting our ideas into place, it's even worse! This is reflected in various manifestations, such as losing one's train of thought. It is difficult to follow someone who suddenly says "so, uh, I don't know where I was going, wait, it will come back to me...". It is important to prepare what you have to say, especially if you are speaking in public. You have to get straight to the point to avoid saying insignificant things that have no relation to the subject you are dealing with.
Sure, we can have small talk, those conversations about our everyday lives 💬. But be careful not to do it with just anyone! Personally, I reserve that for my closest friends or my partner. Some of my family members too, but clearly not everyone!
The relevance of our words
There are times when I've felt like I was totally off base when responding to someone. I had the annoying habit of not thinking too much about what I wanted to say and saying what came to mind, a little too spontaneously (👋 I'm too spontaneous, how can I manage?). It didn't relate to the exchange and as a result, it had no relevance 😅. By dint of doing it, people ended up not listening to me anymore! Fortunately, as I've gotten older, I've learned to reflect on my words and ideas, so I know what I'm getting at. Taking a step back from our words also allows us to work on our sense of repartee and to hit the nail on the head.
A lack of listening and attention
Working on ourselves to assert ourselves is important, but this work cannot be done without listening to others. A conversation is, at the very least, between two people, so it is a process of exchange that must be reciprocal. Therefore, we must keep in mind that to be listened to, we must practice active listening 👂.
This way, we establish a climate of trust and show that we are fully available for our interlocutor! It is also a way to work on your empathy and to put yourself in the shoes of others. We often have a self-centered vision, which is normal, but we must not neglect those around us. Showing interest allows us to focus on the other person's speech. Thanks to this behavior, we can avoid harmful habits, such as cutting off the speaker! Plus, being attentive to others allows us to better bounce off their words and have conversations naturally.
👉 Being attentive to others and putting yourself in their shoes is a priority. If you want to be listened to, you have to start by listening, that's the game!
Editor’s opinion: New habits to put in place…
As Lauren explains, there are many reasons why people don't listen to you. The good news is that you can work on it, putting in place new behaviors, and new habits, will allow you to be listened to as you deserve. However, it is not done in a snap of the fingers, you must first identify the origin of the problem, then put in place new behaviors. This work on yourself is difficult to achieve alone, which is why we advise you to make an appointment with a psychologist.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... It's here and now!
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