Why Am I Always Negative? How Can I Turn Things Around?

Last updated by Katie M.

You know, the metaphor of the glass half full and half empty. Well, it’s meant to determine our levels of optimism. If you consider that the glass is half empty, you're a pessimist, whereas if you view it as being half full, you are a natural optimist. I, unfortunately, fall into the first category of people and have a hard time looking on the bright side of life. No matter what life throws at me; good or bad, I can never seem to be upbeat about anything. But, that's not to say that all hope is lost, indeed there are many tips and techniques when it comes to being an idealist.

Why Am I Always Negative? How Can I Turn Things Around?
Contents: 

I am always so negative because my brain is wired this way

…or because I’m depressed! But, it’s primarily my brain’s fault. Over the course of a day, if I receive lots of news, I would tend to remember the bad points rather than the good ones. It’s a cognitive bias towards negativity. In short, being positive requires effort, but because my brain is programmed to prepare me for the worst, I therefore concentrate on negativity.

The other day, my manager congratulated me for my good work, but also mentioned that I should pay attention to my communication with other members of staff. You can bet that I only retained the negative and need for approval pointer despite the compliments. I left that day feeling angry and sad, having forgotten all the encouragement he'd offered. It was as if the negative managed to totally cancel out the positive.

When I have nothing to do, I constantly dwell on detrimental thoughts

This tendency to only pick out flaws and faults allowed our ancestors to survive when they had to avoid attacks from wild animals. This psychological state; this propensity for pessimism, still remains within us. Pessimism is ingrained within our genes.

>>> Discover the things you need to start saying to be more optimistic

Depression also means we only see the worst

I guess you’re thinking to yourself that I’ve not come up with anything new. Someone who is depressed sees the worst in everything, wow, what an insight! What you might not know is that a few years ago Dr Philippe Fossati, psychiatrist and researcher at Salpêtrière hospital, conducted an experiment with his team looking at how the brain functions in people with depression.

Words describing qualities (generous, intelligent, kind) and words describing flaws (greedy, hypocritical, spiteful) were presented to two groups of individuals. One group contained people with depression and the other group contained people without depression.

Participants had to first read the words in general terms (What do you think of generosity? What do you think of greed?), then from a more personal perspective (Are you generous? Are you greedy?) Whilst the minds of the people without depression clearly managed to distinguish between thinking of a flaw and attributing this to themselves, the people with depression didn’t always do this.

Indeed, the prefrontal cortex activates when we make information personal to ourselves (Are you generous?). For a person with depression, it activates at any given opportunity. So, when mentioning a negative word, even in general terms, they tend to make it apply to them. The “what do you think of greed?” becomes “are you greedy?). That explains where this tendency to see the worst in everything comes from. *

>>> Read about 10 signs to recognize passive-aggressive behavior

Is there a cure for pessimism?

Being cynical comes naturally to us and doesn’t require any effort; the brain does it all on its own. We could easily settle for it, except, over time, it’s a bit stressful, it’s belittling, it’s an obstacle to self-confidence, and it prevents you from moving on. It’s true, why make plans if the world is doomed to fail? That’s how you get trapped in a vicious cycle, where negativity leads to depression… do you get the logic? And depression is an illness, a serious illness.

For our mental health and general wellbeing, you have to make sure good moments prevail over others. Check out the symptoms and causes of an anxiety attack.

How do I stop being too negative?

1. Make the most of good times

5 to 30 seconds is the time it takes for a positive moment to be emotionally digested. In contrast, a negative event is instantly embedded. How can we fight this? By simply stopping and taking full advantage of the nice moment that has just taken place. Analyzing in detail everything you feel at that very moment. Be fully aware.

2. Express your happiness

When something pleasant happens to us, we don’t hesitate over sharing it. We tell someone about it, or even better, we write it down. Writing is what helps us make the most of a positive moment for even longer.

3. Switch off and take time out

Nowadays, we are aware more than ever that sad or harrowing information goes around in a loop. I have always believed that staying informed was very important. Spending days or weeks listening and dwelling on miserable information, on the other hand, is extremely harmful. So, from time to time, we should allow ourselves days without information or concentrate on good news.

4. Stay realistic

We have seen how it’s easier for human beings to think negatively in order to avoid threats. But when we feel threatened, let’s try to analyze the moment in order to cancel out our pessimistic tendency. Let’s take a step back and stay realistic when facing the event in hand. Let’s carefully evaluate what has just happened to us, let’s think about the positive and negative aspects and judge the situation, honestly.

Editor's opinion – The joy of pessimism

Go against the current of pleasant positive thinking and advice telling you to be happy. Nurturing pessimism might do you some good. By forgetting ideals and focusing a bit more on what frustrates us, we stop chasing something that doesn’t exist. So letting go a bit will do us the world of good. Then, feeling a bit anxious, we can anticipate things better, we are better prepared, we can think of a plan B, and we already know that this is the secret to happiness!

Don’t forget that constantly anticipating the worst is tiring, so stop moping around and do your best to look for the positives.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe


More interesting content: 

Article presented by Katie M.

🌻 Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Do Narcissists Regret Hurting People?

From their lack of empathy to their scarily manipulative and controlling streak, narcissists arguably display despicable behavior that simply can’t be condoned. Once these people get their claws into a victim, they become ruthless and have absolutely no regard for the effects their behavior may have on their mental health. Now, as with many syndromes, nothing is black and white with these types of personality disorders. In fact, there are certainly many inaccurate theories regarding their relationship with remorse regarding their actions, and that’s why I’m here to set the record straight.

A Guide On How To Deal With Narcissist Silent Treatment Guide📕

If you've ever been involved with a narcissist, you'll know exactly how dangerous and vindictive they can be. Now, they won't use physical violence to break their victims down, although the tactics they use are just as painful and debilitating. These slippery characters operate under the shadow of darkness and use subtle mind games and tactics in order to exert a maximum amount of control and manipulation over their prey. You have no doubt already guessed it, but in case you haven't yet, the silent treatment is a narcissist's go-to tactic when it comes to punishing their victims and taking control of them. Find out here why these abusers use this method and how to deal with it.

8 Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back 👻

If you’ve ever given online dating a whirl, the chances are you’ve been ghosted by someone. Now, for those of you who are unaware of this practice, it involves putting a sudden end to a relationship without offering any form of explanation. If I had to estimate how many times this has happened to me, I’d say there are definitely over 10 guys out there who owe me an explanation as to why they suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth… However, all the confusion and short-lived heartbreak has taught me that ghosters always seem to reappear at one time or another.

Should You Really Confess Your Feelings?

Who hasn’t had a crush in their life? You know, it’s when you fall for someone and have feelings for them even though you don’t really know them. I’m one of those people who have had lots of crushes, and sometimes I’ve even admitted my feelings. In fact, a recent example was just before I started my relationship with my current partner. I offloaded what I was feeling all of a sudden… I’ll tell you why I did it and how to go about it.

How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist?

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most horrific challenges anyone can ever go through in life, but that’s not to say that their reign of terror will last forever. Evidently, breaking the cycle of abuse isn’t exactly straightforward, however, once the discard phase has been activated and victims realize that they can walk away with their heads held high, the revenge phase can commence 😈. Unsurprisingly, getting even with a raging egocentric narcissist needs to be carefully planned, but ironically, their self-centered personalities expose to many axes of revenge, which will evidently really get to them…

Are Narcissists Lonely?

Loneliness is one of society’s biggest enemies, and none of us are exempt from it, not even the most devilish of narcissists out there. In fact, throughout the Coronavirus pandemic, 36% of Americans claimed that they have never felt lonelier, which sets a scary benchmark for the wider population 😔. Now, lots of us would no doubt immediately assume that narcissists are too independent and strong-willed to feel alone, however, the truth is they are often the biggest victims of loneliness, yet simply have trouble expressing their inner malaise.

"Nobody Likes Me"

Never invited to parties, never listened to or solicited... It feels like you're just an ordinary person, who is pushed aside and has no value. If this is the case, we often end up coming to the sad conclusion that "nobody likes us! But, why do we think this? Now, this thought does not reflect reality, it hides deeper issues that need to be worked on to detach ourselves from this heavy feeling. Everyone deserves to be loved, including us!

6 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Apologize - They Hate Saying Sorry

I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness means I’m not exactly the most willing person when it comes to uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’, but I always push through my pride; although unfortunately, the same can’t be said for narcissists... Indeed, people who suffer from this personality disorder will simply never hold their hands up and accept responsibility for their actions, despite how deeply they’ve hurt your feelings. 😱 You know the idiom getting blood from a stone, right? Well, when it comes to apologies from these toxic personalities, nothing is more appropriate, and here are 6 reasons why!

Why Do I Feel Bad When People Don’t Message Me Back?

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.

Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing?

Kissing is a deeply intimate act, and although in popular culture it is often classed as only being worthy of first base, it does in fact go way beyond that toxic evaluation. We have no doubt all had at least one lingering kiss that we’ll never forget; one which left all of our senses tingling and hungry for more. 💏 Well, that memorable smooch left us reminiscing because it was sincere and meant something. In short, it encapsulated love and romance, which are two things that narcissists are quite simply incapable of feeling.



Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:17
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack