People never ask IF you want kids, but instead when you'll have them
For us women, our destiny seems to be set; we’re here to give birth to and raise children. In fact, when you talk to a woman who doesn't have children, you always automatically ask ‘when you will have children?’. No human brain seems to accept the idea that not everyone wants kids. Because, yes, sexism is at large and binds us to stereotypical roles. If a man doesn't want kids, he is rarely asked to explain why on the spot. Except that maternal instinct is not innate, no one, regardless of gender, should have to justify their choice.
Especially since each of these justifications will be put down, ‘I don't want children because I love my life as it is, my independence and my freedom’, comeback answer: ‘you are selfish’. Or, ‘I don't want kids because I don't like them’ answer: ‘You’ll feel differently towards your own’. Or again, ‘I don't want any because I can’t imagine myself taking care of them’ answer: ‘Oh, but your instinct will kick in’. Let's admit once and for all that we ask women who don't want children to justify themselves so that we can pick their argument apart whilst ignoring their point of view.
>>> Check out; I don't want to breastfeed.
Not wanting a family is a considerate decision
But who are these embittered women who stubbornly refuse to take advantage of the miracle of life? Hold on, they are not necessarily single women, women with an unhappy childhood or who have an aversion to babies. No, these are women who have simply thought carefully about their choice, whether they are cat lovers, couples, or fans of other people's toddlers.
Women who don't want families don't need to justify their choice, it's a personal decision that belongs to them. Although, very often they do it because the pressure is unbearable, and it must be said that they have many good arguments. The choice not to reproduce is not a provocation or a delirium resurgent from adolescence. No, it is a deep and permanent questioning about oneself, one's life, desires, needs, emotions, and feelings. There is no need to be astonished upon learning this or to look shocked whilst probing for justifications. Not wanting to procreate is a strong will, a deep (no) desire which implies, like any choice, things to lose and things to gain.
In fact, it would be good to understand that the word woman is not synonymous with mom. In fact, women can be happy and blossom without becoming a parent and vice versa. Not having a family is a personal choice that every woman should be able to make, so on that note, let’s decide to leave all of these ladies alone!
Wanting to remain child free isn't an issue
When I first told my family members that I didn't see myself bringing a child into the world, they were shocked and a little confused to say the least. After all, women who choose not to have children don't exactly shout it from the rooftops. I soon learned from their reactions that people were more obsessed with my biological clock than I was, and that certain folks just couldn't wrap their heads around my decision. That being said, spending time explaining to them the reasons behind my choice soon made them realize that I wasn't a monster. After all, not wanting to become a mom shouldn't change what people think of me, or lower my worth.
Why are Millennials not having kids? 5 Reasons why
1) The desire for freedom
The main reason, the one that comes up most frequently, is the desire for freedom. Maternity is perceived by the child-free as an alienation of freedom. For them, becoming a mother would require unlimited devotion and would constitute a burden in their lives. This argument is based on objective and proven facts: the unequal distribution of tasks in the couple.
2) An absence of desire for motherhood
Our society suggests the innate nature of the desire for children in women. This discourse is embodied in the famous biological clock: between the ages of 25 and 35, every woman is supposed to feel the desire to have children. Women are also largely formatted from childhood so that they unconsciously integrate the desire to be mothers. But some of them never feel that desire.
3) Ecological concerns
This motif has become more and more prominent in recent years. So much so that a name has been given to those people who do not want children for ecological reasons. They are called the GINKS (Green Inclinations, No Kids). In 2050, the world population will reach 10 billion human beings who will have to be fed. Some, therefore, consider it necessary to reduce births. Others make arguments based on uncertainty in the future: pandemics, global warming, species extinction, etc. They think that having children in such a context is not a responsible attitude.
4) A professional choice
These women attach particular importance to their professional achievements. For some, as soon as they enter adulthood, fulfillment comes through work and in no case through motherhood. For others, their opinion is less clear-cut at the start. It is once in office that they realize that motherhood could slow down their careers or hinder their professional commitment. In both cases, professional life prevails.
5) A happy childless life
They are simply happy in their lives, fulfilled without children. They have a sense of completeness, single or in a relationship. Likewise, they flourish in different spheres: intellectual, cultural, friendly, associative, sporting, or even artistic. They do not see what motherhood would bring them. This reason is predominant in the younger generations.
Editor's note - And why do you want kids yourself?
You've already realized that this question is never asked of women or couples who are expecting a baby or expressing their desire to be parents. Yet the importance of this question is paramount, but since having children seems to be a necessary step, too few people really question their desire and what drives them to act on it. A little more questioning and less judgment would be a good start for more acceptance, don't you think?
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now!
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