I’m A Woman Who Doesn’t Want Children… Leave Me Alone!

Why We Need To Stop Pestering Women Who Don't Want Children

For women the expectations are still numerous, and if there is one question in particular that we hear more than any other. We bet you can guess it. Of course, THAT million dollar question is; ‘when do you plan on having children?’ Even today, in lots of people’s minds, a woman still has to become a mom and if she doesn't want to, she will have to find concrete arguments to justify her decision. It’s time we said stop to this pressure and followed our own dreams instead of forcing ourselves to live up to expectations imposed on us.

It’s never 'if' but always 'when'

For us women, our destiny seems to be set; we’re here to give birth to and raise children. In fact, when you talk to a woman who doesn't have children, you always automatically ask ‘when you will have children?’. No human brain seems to accept the idea that not everyone wants kids. Because, yes, sexism is at large and binds us to stereotypical roles. If a man doesn't want kids, he is rarely asked to explain why on the spot. Except that maternal instinct is not innate, no one, regardless of gender, should have to justify their choice.

Especially since each of these justifications will be put down, ‘I don't want children because I love my life as it is, my independence and my freedom’, comeback answer: ‘you are selfish’. Or, ‘I don't want kids because I don't like them’ answer: ‘You’ll feel differently towards your own’. Or again, ‘I don't want any because I can’t imagine myself taking care of them’ answer: ‘Oh but your instinct will kick in’. Let's admit once and for all that we ask women who don't want children to justify themselves so that we can pick their argument apart whilst ignoring their point of view.

Not wanting a family doesn't make you bitter, but considerate

But who are these embittered women who stubbornly refuse to take advantage of the miracle of life? Hold on, they are not necessarily single women, women with an unhappy childhood or who have an aversion to babies. No, these are women who have simply thought carefully about their choice, whether they are cat lovers, couples or fans of other people's toddlers.

Women who don't want families don't need to justify their choice, it's a personal decision that belongs to them. Although, very often they do it because the pressure is unbearable and it must be said that they have many good arguments. The choice not to reproduce is not a provocation or a delirium resurgent from adolescence. No, it is a deep and permanent questioning about oneself, one's life, desires, needs, emotions and feelings. There is no need to be astonished upon learning this or to look shocked whilst probing for justifications. Not wanting to procreate is a strong will, a deep (no) desire which implies, like any choice, things to lose and things to gain.

In fact, it would be good to understand that the word woman is not synonymous with mom. In fact, women can be happy and blossom without becoming a parent and vice versa. Not having a family is a personal choice that every woman should be able to make, so on that note, let’s decide to leave all of these ladies alone!

Editor's note - And why do you want kids yourself?

You've already realized that this question is never asked of women or couples who are expecting a baby or expressing their desire to be parents. Yet the importance of this question is paramount, but since having children seems to be a necessary step, too few people really question their desire and what drives them to act on it. A little more questioning and less judgment would be a good start for more acceptance, don't you think?

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