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Walking away from my psychologically abusive ex was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my adult life. It took all the courage and strength that I had, but despite how terrifying I found the prospect of moving on, I knew that if I wanted to preserve my mental health, it was necessary. That leads me to where I am today, yep, that’s right, I’m the self-titled Bridget Jones of my friendship group, and surprisingly I couldn’t be happier! So, I bet you’re wondering why I’ve decided to pick at old wounds, right? Well, now that I feel stronger than ever, I want to warn other empaths, like myself, about the dangers of narcissistic abuse.
5 Reasons why a relationship with a narcissist will only ever be toxic
A healthy relationship is a foreign concept to them because…
1) Your intentions are different
I don’t want to sound brutal, or even too pessimistic, but dating a narcissist will never work out because their intentions are impure. These folks are unfortunately incapable of loving anyone but themselves, and will only ever feign interest in people they believe could be useful to them, or fun to manipulate. Their feelings are never genuine, which means they’ll have plenty of leeway to play with you as they so please. Whilst their partners are looking for love and a true connection, these abusive parasites are looking for someone whom they can emotionally abuse.
2) You’ll never be important for a narcissist
The harsh truth is that these personalities only care about one thing, and that’s themselves. No matter what you do, or how many efforts you make, this will never change and because they lack empathy, they’ll never even take you into consideration for a second. Now, that’s not to say that from time to time they won’t turn on the charm in an effort to convince you that you are special to them. They may resort to this tactic, but, in reality, it’s just another example of their gaslighting and love bombing behavior, which helps them go undetected, and to get their own way.
3) The control becomes unbearable
You might believe that you have strong boundaries in place, but remember that no challenge is too intimidating for your narcissistic partner. In fact, the more challenging something seems, the more determined they become to prove their victims wrong, and that includes your parameters to protect yourself. They will eventually decide who you can see, who you can talk to, and in the most extreme cases, what you can wear. Even people with good self-esteem will find themselves falling victim to their manipulation.
4) The concessions will be unequal
For any relationship to work, sacrifices need to be made on both sides, or should I say any healthy relationship? When it comes to these toxic personalities, their strong sense of self and grandiose egos mean they are totally unwilling, and perhaps even incapable, of compromising. In short, they believe they are always right, and that they have the best ideas; so why would they ever change their minds on anything?
5) Communication is impossible
Good news, bad news, and everything in between will leave these toxic personalities indifferent. In fact, discussing feelings and emotions with these folks is a real trigger for them, and often brings out the worst in them. Knowing what’s going on in their head is mission impossible, which is why they are so unpredictable and dangerous.
Is it possible to live with a narcissist and be happy?
Living with someone who has a narcissistic personality is a big ask and can be very challenging on a daily basis. If your living arrangements mean you are in close proximity to a narcissist, it’s likely that you have already fallen victim to their abusive ways, which evidently makes being happy a complicated task. When these vicious creatures feel safe, this is when they are at their worst. When they feel comfortable in their environment, they really believe they can lay down the law and do as they please. Plus, in the privacy of their own homes, they can inflict even more pain and emotional trauma on their victims. Behind closed doors, they'll insult, abuse, criticize, and make the lives of their victims miserable and unbearable...
Is it lonely to be married to a narcissist?
Being married to a narcissist can be an incredibly lonely experience. Narcissists are often self-centered and lack empathy for others, which can leave their spouse feeling unimportant and unappreciated. They also tend to manipulate and control those around them, leaving their spouse feeling trapped and isolated. In addition, the constant need for validation and admiration from the narcissistic partner can leave their spouse feeling drained and emotionally depleted. Despite being in a relationship, the spouse of a narcissist may feel incredibly alone and unsupported, as the narcissist's focus is always on themselves. Overall, being married to a narcissist can be a lonely and emotionally exhausting experience.
Editor’s opinion — It will only ever end in tearsNo matter how much we like to convince ourselves of it being false, narcissists will never change, and are unable to give us the love and care many of us are looking for. They are self-serving, opportunity grabbers who are interested in founding healthy relationships. Now, we have to give them credit for their acting talents. But, regardless of how convincing they are with regard to their feelings, we need to keep in mind that they are master manipulators, and will say anything to get their own way… 🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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I finally have to accept at my 8th year anniversary that I'm married to a narcissist and he said on our anniversary 7/10/2023: "I'm done with you"! And call me crazy! Other than the hurling and silent treatment he will try to distort truth and even abuse my mom who don't even speak English to apologize to him and he said even my mom agrees with him that she doesn't know how to teach me! His mother only said good things about her son! I told her how he treated me instead of consoling me or talk to her son, she said you should be more loving and patient and considerate to her son because he work 60-80 hours. I should just tolerate and swallow in silence of the emotional abuse and financial abuse! This is 8th year marriage with 3 little kids I gave up my everything law firm my career as a lawyer and no job no money no access to his money only a credit card that he can control and turn it off if he's pissed with me! I'm living in constant fear when he decides to chase me out of the house! Or he knows I won't leave because I have nothing now! I went to church the pastor preached that I should not have pride and should forgive! I still tried to forgive and forget but he won't barge and held on to grudges that happened when we married that I pulled the blanket away from him! I complained about him spending too nchb money to buy me flowers he said he will Never buy me any flowers! He called me liar and I told him he and his mom are liars! He said I cursed his mom! He will twist all the things he said about me. I craved a happy marriage and connection with him all these years! It's all facade and now only I knew it'll never happened no matter hkw hard I try! I just started to do my online shopping mall biz I don't know when can I make enough money to leave and to bring my kids along with me and end this relationship! We've not talk in the same home with 3 little kids and he's sleeping in a different room like stranger to each other! He yelled at me in front of his parents and his sister when they visited us a month ago! He told me that day you think I'll forget about it. He is very good in holding grudges. I wish I can just leave. I wish I have money to go! I wish I can be bold enough to bring my kids and go! I just can't right now! He won't go to any therapy he said is embarrassing because I will be complaining about him the whole time.
Meng Meng a year ago