Cougars: Yes, So What? Leave Us Alone!

Last updated by Katie M.

“You’re a cougar!” Yes well… My boyfriend and I are just 5 years apart. I get told that because, of course, I’m the oldest. And it drives me crazy to be labelled a cougar, even if at first it made me smile a bit. But then I realized how sexist and inappropriate this term was. So even if it means being compared to a ruthless predator, let’s get those claws out and show them how much we need to be left alone!

Cougars: Yes, So What? Leave Us Alone!
Contents: 

Why does the term “cougar” sexist?

First, we say “female cougar” but never “male cougar” 🙄. It’s not right that there’s no term to define an older man dating a “young girl”. In fact, a few years ago, Jennifer Lopez went on a rant about the word cougar on Ellen DeGeneres’ TV show. She explained that she hated this term and that it showed how sexist it was 😤:

🎤

“I hate that people put a label on women who date a younger man. If a young man is interested in me, what’s the big deal? I’m not specifically looking for younger men. If they like me, then great.” J. Lo

You may be interested in this article >>> Why are women always asked to smile?

Where does the term cougar come from?

In order to understand, I wondered about the origin of the term “cougar” 🧐. The word is said to have appeared for the first time in the 1980s to refer to older female fans of a Canadian ice hockey team. Why associate a woman with a predator? Because men are scared of women being independent and able to make “male choices”. A female cougar steps out of the “role” of motherhood and the well-behaved woman, just like those who don’t want children.

👉 The word “cougar” has become increasingly prominent, and the media takes delight in labelling older women who are dating a younger man. As a result, the word has grown in popularity, while on the other hand, there is no term for men.

Why do men date younger women?

Sean Penn, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Michael Douglas, Harrison Ford, Bruce Willis… So many famous men have dated a woman at least 15 years younger than them and nobody batted an eyelid. They just don’t get asked about it, unlike women. As Ellen DeGeneres pointed out, this has always been the case because an older woman is seen as less attractive.

The older woman “ready for the scrapheap”

Oh yes, that’s the big problem. We’re made to understand that when we get older, we become less seductive. A multitude of injunctions push us to be ever thinner and younger 🤦‍♀️. Women aren’t allowed to get older, otherwise there’s a risk that their partner turns to a younger model. And this is seen as normal by society! Whereas the opposite is pointed at.

We have to justify older women who date younger men because it’s seen as abnormal or ridiculous. Yet it’s completely misogynistic 😠…

Every woman can choose her partner as she sees fit

As society evolves, we’re able to free ourselves more and more from the patriarchy, even if there’s still a long way to go 😅... Now we are fighting for equal pay, for the distribution of the mental load, to condemn harassment in the streets, etc.

Today, we have the right to love who we want, as long as there is desire and consent between the two people (or more, we’ve got nothing against polyamory!). The cards have been reshuffled and the clichés about older women dating younger men have been put to bed! It’s not a conscious choice to date a younger person. The only thing to say is that you’re guided by love and the will to take the same path together 🤗.

More open-minded men

I still have a ready-made excuse to tell people who ask about female cougars. I sometimes bring it up too when people tell me I’m with a “youngster” (I daren’t imagine what they say about an older woman 🙄). The only valid thing that can be said is that at least young men are more open-minded than their elders! Yes, it’s a change from the husband who expects his wife to stay in her place, raise children and do the household chores…

In any case, if I were fresh out of a divorce after a situation like that, clearly I wouldn’t want to go back. I’d turn to a younger man with a very open mind and who acts so that women are considered as equals to men. Goodbye to the macho men who comfort themselves in the patriarchal system 🚮!

Editor’s note: Age doesn’t matter, as long as you love each other!

Younger, older, from a different social or cultural background, it doesn’t matter! At the end of the day, it’s all about love and each relationship, if it makes you happy, deserves to be lived without wasting time looking back on disparaging and sexist looks and labels. Loving as you want is still one of the most beautiful ways to progress the world and mentalities. And if these reflections bother you, make you uncomfortable, or worse, prevent you from living how you should, don’t hesitate to contact one of our coaches. Together, you’ll learn how to free yourself from them.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
#BornToBeMe

Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

How To Make A Narcissist Fear You?

Now, I know what you’re thinking, scaring a narcissist is impossible, so, let me stop you right there because it’s totally false! Getting these awful manipulators to fear you is no easy challenge, however, there are certain things you can do that will help you turn the tables on them in no time. Letting these abusers know that they’ve met their match is the first important step toward the road to recovery, so I hope you’re ready for the journey. Here are 10 ways to scare a narcissist

What Exactly Does It Mean To Be An Extrovert?

I wish I could say loud and clear that I’m an extrovert, but not at all. I belong to the opposite team, the team of introverts. However, even though we don’t operate in the same way, that doesn’t prevent me from being surrounded by extroverts. I myself have a few moments when my introversion gives way to my extroversion, when I feel good, surrounded by a few people that I know well. So how does extroversion work? How is it different? What can you do to get on well with an extrovert? Let me explain.

Everything You Need To Know About Hyper-Empathy

Sometimes you’re devastated by your best friend’s break-up, sometimes you’re euphoric about your sister’s pregnancy... Sometimes it feels like other people’s emotions are invading you, so much so that you feel like you’re experiencing what they’re going through like it’s your own life. Have you ever felt this way? Maybe you’re affected by hyper-empathy, a characteristic not dissimilar to hypersensitivity. But what exactly is it? How do you distinguish between the two? And above all, how do you know if you’re hyper-empathetic? Let me explain.

Why Do Narcissists Stare?

Narcissists have a reputation for being amongst the most manipulative people out there, and rightly so! The truth is, these people are so good at the evil things they do because they operate under the radar and use covert methods to exercise their depraved missions. Now, one of the biggest and seemingly most unsuspecting techniques they use to manipulate and control their victims is staring. You're no doubt a little dubious about a stare being an effective tool in the art of manipulation, but it's true, a void and menacing look is one of the most intimidating and unnerving gestures that these folks turn to.

8 Reasons Why All Narcissists Are Hypocrites

If you know anything about narcissists, you'll surely be aware that they are extremely overly judgmental and critical, especially towards other people. Their faultfinding stems from their perception of ultimate superiority, and therefore legitimizes them in holding people to intimidatingly high standards. However, although they may believe they are pretty much perfect, the reality couldn't be any more different, yet they are slightly more forgiving with themselves. That's right, they are huge hypocrites and go from one extreme to another in a split second. Here we discuss the reasons behind their hypocritical behavior.

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? - Let's Settle The Debate

There you have it, the nature vs nurture debate is back, only this time I want to focus it on those deviously manipulative personalities we refer to as narcissists. Now, evidently these folks get bad press and rightly so because they are often at the root of plenty of harm, but is it really their fault? Can they really be blamed for their terrifying and perhaps inherent traits, or are they simply just products and in this case victims of their environments? Let’s settle this debate once and for all and figure out how and when this disorder becomes apparent. So, are you born a narcissist or is it developed?

Why Do I Feel Bad When People Don’t Message Me Back?

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.

How Does A Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You?

You probably know by now that narcissists only ever look for one thing and one thing only; and that’s control! Whether in their personal or professional life, folks with this personality disorder need to be in the driving seat and the one calling the shots, otherwise all hell breaks loose. Although their cunning and manipulative nature means they are often hard to escape, it is still possible to turn the tables on them and take the upper hand. Yet, you’ll need a thick skin to do so because when they feel their power slipping away, they become even more dangerous and abusive; here’s how they react when that happens.

How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist?

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most horrific challenges anyone can ever go through in life, but that’s not to say that their reign of terror will last forever. Evidently, breaking the cycle of abuse isn’t exactly straightforward, however, once the discard phase has been activated and victims realize that they can walk away with their heads held high, the revenge phase can commence. Unsurprisingly, getting even with a raging egocentric narcissist needs to be carefully planned, but ironically, their self-centered personalities expose to many axes of revenge, which will evidently really get to them…

How Do Narcissists Behave Sexually?

As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. Discover how they behave in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to soothe an anxiety attack