Cougars: Yes, So What? Leave Us Alone!

Last updated by Katie M.

“You’re a cougar!” Yes well… My boyfriend and I are just 5 years apart. I get told that because, of course, I’m the oldest. And it drives me crazy to be labelled a cougar, even if at first it made me smile a bit. But then I realized how sexist and inappropriate this term was. So even if it means being compared to a ruthless predator, let’s get those claws out and show them how much we need to be left alone!


Why does the term “cougar” sexist?

First, we say “female cougar” but never “male cougar” 🙄. It’s not right that there’s no term to define an older man dating a “young girl”. In fact, a few years ago, Jennifer Lopez went on a rant about the word cougar on Ellen DeGeneres’ TV show. She explained that she hated this term and that it showed how sexist it was 😤:


“I hate that people put a label on women who date a younger man. If a young man is interested in me, what’s the big deal? I’m not specifically looking for younger men. If they like me, then great.” J. Lo

You may be interested in this article >>> Why are women always asked to smile?

Where does the term cougar come from?

In order to understand, I wondered about the origin of the term “cougar” 🧐. The word is said to have appeared for the first time in the 1980s to refer to older female fans of a Canadian ice hockey team. Why associate a woman with a predator? Because men are scared of women being independent and able to make “male choices”. A female cougar steps out of the “role” of motherhood and the well-behaved woman, just like those who don’t want children.

👉 The word “cougar” has become increasingly prominent, and the media takes delight in labelling older women who are dating a younger man. As a result, the word has grown in popularity, while on the other hand, there is no term for men.

Why do men date younger women?

Sean Penn, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Michael Douglas, Harrison Ford, Bruce Willis… So many famous men have dated a woman at least 15 years younger than them and nobody batted an eyelid. They just don’t get asked about it, unlike women. As Ellen DeGeneres pointed out, this has always been the case because an older woman is seen as less attractive.

The older woman “ready for the scrapheap”

Oh yes, that’s the big problem. We’re made to understand that when we get older, we become less seductive. A multitude of injunctions push us to be ever thinner and younger 🤦‍♀️. Women aren’t allowed to get older, otherwise there’s a risk that their partner turns to a younger model. And this is seen as normal by society! Whereas the opposite is pointed at.

We have to justify older women who date younger men because it’s seen as abnormal or ridiculous. Yet it’s completely misogynistic 😠…

Every woman can choose her partner as she sees fit

As society evolves, we’re able to free ourselves more and more from the patriarchy, even if there’s still a long way to go 😅... Now we are fighting for equal pay, for the distribution of the mental load, to condemn harassment in the streets, etc.

Today, we have the right to love who we want, as long as there is desire and consent between the two people (or more, we’ve got nothing against polyamory!). The cards have been reshuffled and the clichés about older women dating younger men have been put to bed! It’s not a conscious choice to date a younger person. The only thing to say is that you’re guided by love and the will to take the same path together 🤗.

More open-minded men

I still have a ready-made excuse to tell people who ask about female cougars. I sometimes bring it up too when people tell me I’m with a “youngster” (I daren’t imagine what they say about an older woman 🙄). The only valid thing that can be said is that at least young men are more open-minded than their elders! Yes, it’s a change from the husband who expects his wife to stay in her place, raise children and do the household chores…

In any case, if I were fresh out of a divorce after a situation like that, clearly I wouldn’t want to go back. I’d turn to a younger man with a very open mind and who acts so that women are considered as equals to men. Goodbye to the macho men who comfort themselves in the patriarchal system 🚮!

Editor’s note: Age doesn’t matter, as long as you love each other!

Younger, older, from a different social or cultural background, it doesn’t matter! At the end of the day, it’s all about love and each relationship, if it makes you happy, deserves to be lived without wasting time looking back on disparaging and sexist looks and labels. Loving as you want is still one of the most beautiful ways to progress the world and mentalities. And if these reflections bother you, make you uncomfortable, or worse, prevent you from living how you should, don’t hesitate to contact one of our coaches. Together, you’ll learn how to free yourself from them.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!

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