How do you react when your family rejects your partner?
You introduce your partner to your family and hmm, it’s awkward, it doesn’t go down well at all 😥. It’s not easy to react to this delicate situation! Whether you’ve been told clearly that your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t appreciated or you’re made to feel it, it’s important to ask why and listen to your family’s arguments.
I know it’s not easy to remain impassive, especially when our family infantilizes us and criticizes our choices by putting us down. Nevertheless, it’s necessary to understand and, above all, to take a step back from the situation and ask ourselves whether their arguments are well-founded.
💬 As for me, my family was extremely worried about my well-being. My mother “couldn’t stand” the guy I’d brought home. Too full of himself, unpleasant, and not polite enough, in her words. The rest of the family agreed, and at the time they clearly told me to watch out for him and not to bring him home again. |
👋 You may be interested in this article: Can you really cut ties with your family?
3 patterns to take into account
Well, well, well. It’s never easy to hear this kind of talk, and some people hear much worse. Once you’ve heard the arguments of how they dislike him/her, you need to think about these 3 patterns:
- 👉 Our parents are “just” worried about us. Even though we’re adults, our happiness and well-being are a worry for them, and they may have unfounded concerns.
- 👉 Our partner is toxic and they, with their experience and their neutral view of the person, see the red flags that we failed to spot.
- 👉 It’s our family that’s toxic, and they clearly want to damage this new relationship.
Legitimate reasons for concern
In the first case, it’s a normal reaction from those around us, albeit a little invasive 😅. It’s normal for our family to want the best for us. They want us to be happy and well. In this case, we need to reassure them and tell them to give our partner a chance. As with any new social situation, this may take a little time, but you need to remain confident.
Their concerns may also be totally legitimate and go beyond the realms of a protective mechanism. This is the second case, where you’re in a toxic love relationship, but you don’t realize it. You could be in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert or a manipulator, but you’re so blinded by your love for the person that you can’t see what could be wrong 😕.
💬 That was the case for me 😔. My family reacted negatively because they felt that the person I’d brought home was toxic. At first, I didn’t listen to them, but I had to admit that they were right. My friends also warned me, and the more time passed, the more I began to open my eyes. Initially, I was so emotionally dependent that I preferred to be surrounded by bad people than be alone. However, I managed to separate myself from this person and my family were there to help me get back on my feet. |
⚠️ It’s important to remember that a manipulative, toxic person will do anything to cut you off from those around you. You mustn’t fall into this trap and should maintain contact with those closest to you.
Family toxicity too deeply rooted
However, the opposite situation may be true 😟. The rejection of our partner may, in fact, also show that it’s our family that’s harmful. If the first situation drags on and gets worse, or if they don’t want to hear anything from the start, it’s a sign that the problem doesn’t come from our partner, but from those around us.
Differences scare people, that’s a fact. If our partner has a different skin color, a different religion or is of the same sex as us, there can be very negative reactions. Kathleen Dahleen DeVos, an American psychotherapist, had this to say in the US HuffPost 👇:
📌 “Most parents have at least one unconscious opinion or hope about who their child will partner with, and choosing a significant other who deviates from this vision can lead to grief, anger, denial, avoidance of the partner or the child and aversion.” |
It shows a cruel lack of open-mindedness, empathy and understanding from those around you. It’s very brutal, but it’s a way of realizing that you’re incompatible with your family and that you don’t share, or no longer share, the same values.
Breaking with your family
Previously, I talked about keeping in touch with those close to you, which is always a good thing to do to protect yourself from a manipulator. Nevertheless, if time goes by, if you’re happy in your relationship, if everything’s going well and there’s no psychological or physical violence, you surely need to cut ties with your family, especially if they’re still very vindictive 😔.
It’s an act to be made with constraint and not to be done immediately. It requires reflection, hindsight and therapeutic support to be sure you’re making the right decision. However, sometimes breaking away from your family is the only thing to do, especially when there’s no dialogue and empathy present 💔.
>>> Read; My family criticizes me all the time
Editor’s note: An unbearable situationWhen your family doesn’t like your partner, things can quickly turn into a melodrama and become unbearable. If you’ve tried everything to get them to like your partner, without success, and if this situation is causing you pain, you need to do something about it. If you currently find yourself in a difficult situation and feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask a psychologist for help. You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s understanding and managing your emotions, coping strategies, facilitating communication, conflict resolution, or emotional support, a psychologist will be able to help you. 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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