My Family Rejects My Boyfriend / My Girlfriend, What Do I Do?

Last updated by Lauren Hart

When I was younger, I sometimes brought my boyfriend back to my parents’ house and things went very badly. Clearly, they didn’t like him and I felt they were rejecting him. At the time, I was young and didn’t really know what to do, and that made me very sad. So what do we do when our family doesn’t accept our partner? How do we react? I’ve grown up now, and I’ve understood the reasons for this reaction, so here’s my shared experience.

My Family Rejects My Boyfriend / My Girlfriend, What Do I Do?

How do you react when your family rejects your partner?

You introduce your partner to your family and hmm, it’s awkward, it doesn’t go down well at all 😥. It’s not easy to react to this delicate situation! Whether you’ve been told clearly that your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t appreciated or you’re made to feel it, it’s important to ask why and listen to your family’s arguments.

I know it’s not easy to remain impassive, especially when our family infantilizes us and criticizes our choices by putting us down. Nevertheless, it’s necessary to understand and, above all, to take a step back from the situation and ask ourselves whether their arguments are well-founded.

💬

As for me, my family was extremely worried about my well-being. My mother “couldn’t stand” the guy I’d brought home. Too full of himself, unpleasant, and not polite enough, in her words. The rest of the family agreed, and at the time they clearly told me to watch out for him and not to bring him home again.

👋 You may be interested in this article: Can you really cut ties with your family?

3 patterns to take into account

Well, well, well. It’s never easy to hear this kind of talk, and some people hear much worse. Once you’ve heard the arguments of how they dislike him/her, you need to think about these 3 patterns:

  • 👉 Our parents are “just” worried about us. Even though we’re adults, our happiness and well-being are a worry for them, and they may have unfounded concerns.
  • 👉 Our partner is toxic and they, with their experience and their neutral view of the person, see the red flags that we failed to spot.
  • 👉 It’s our family that’s toxicand they clearly want to damage this new relationship.

Legitimate reasons for concern

In the first case, it’s a normal reaction from those around us, albeit a little invasive 😅. It’s normal for our family to want the best for us. They want us to be happy and well. In this case, we need to reassure them and tell them to give our partner a chance. As with any new social situation, this may take a little time, but you need to remain confident.

Their concerns may also be totally legitimate and go beyond the realms of a protective mechanism. This is the second case, where you’re in a toxic love relationship, but you don’t realize it. You could be in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert or a manipulator, but you’re so blinded by your love for the person that you can’t see what could be wrong 😕.

💬

That was the case for me 😔. My family reacted negatively because they felt that the person I’d brought home was toxic. At first, I didn’t listen to them, but I had to admit that they were right. My friends also warned me, and the more time passed, the more I began to open my eyes. Initially, I was so emotionally dependent that I preferred to be surrounded by bad people than be alone. However, I managed to separate myself from this person and my family were there to help me get back on my feet.

⚠️ It’s important to remember that a manipulative, toxic person will do anything to cut you off from those around you. You mustn’t fall into this trap and should maintain contact with those closest to you.

Family toxicity too deeply rooted

However, the opposite situation may be true 😟. The rejection of our partner may, in fact, also show that it’s our family that’s harmful. If the first situation drags on and gets worse, or if they don’t want to hear anything from the start, it’s a sign that the problem doesn’t come from our partner, but from those around us.

Differences scare people, that’s a fact. If our partner has a different skin color, a different religion or is of the same sex as us, there can be very negative reactions. Kathleen Dahleen DeVos, an American psychotherapist, had this to say in the US HuffPost 👇:

📌

“Most parents have at least one unconscious opinion or hope about who their child will partner with, and choosing a significant other who deviates from this vision can lead to grief, anger, denial, avoidance of the partner or the child and aversion.”

It shows a cruel lack of open-mindedness, empathy and understanding from those around you. It’s very brutal, but it’s a way of realizing that you’re incompatible with your family and that you don’t share, or no longer share, the same values.

Breaking with your family

Previously, I talked about keeping in touch with those close to you, which is always a good thing to do to protect yourself from a manipulator. Nevertheless, if time goes by, if you’re happy in your relationship, if everything’s going well and there’s no psychological or physical violence, you surely need to cut ties with your family, especially if they’re still very vindictive 😔.

It’s an act to be made with constraint and not to be done immediately. It requires reflection, hindsight and therapeutic support to be sure you’re making the right decision. However, sometimes breaking away from your family is the only thing to do, especially when there’s no dialogue and empathy present 💔.

>>> Read; My family criticizes me all the time

Editor’s note: An unbearable situation

When your family doesn’t like your partner, things can quickly turn into a melodrama and become unbearable. If you’ve tried everything to get them to like your partner, without success, and if this situation is causing you pain, you need to do something about it. If you currently find yourself in a difficult situation and feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask a psychologist for help. You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s understanding and managing your emotions, coping strategies, facilitating communication, conflict resolution, or emotional support, a psychologist will be able to help you.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!

#BornToBeMe

Be sure to read these articles too;

Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

Read our latest articles here:

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? - Let's Settle The Debate

There you have it, the nature vs nurture debate is back, only this time I want to focus it on those deviously manipulative personalities we refer to as narcissists. Now, evidently these folks get bad press and rightly so because they are often at the root of plenty of harm, but is it really their fault? Can they really be blamed for their terrifying and perhaps inherent traits, or are they simply just products and in this case victims of their environments? Let’s settle this debate once and for all and figure out how and when this disorder becomes apparent. So, are you born a narcissist or is it developed?

Do Narcissists Regret Hurting People?

From their lack of empathy to their scarily manipulative and controlling streak, narcissists arguably display despicable behavior that simply can’t be condoned. Once these people get their claws into a victim, they become ruthless and have absolutely no regard for the effects their behavior may have on their mental health. Now, as with many syndromes, nothing is black and white with these types of personality disorders. In fact, there are certainly many inaccurate theories regarding their relationship with remorse regarding their actions, and that’s why I’m here to set the record straight.

A Guide On How To Deal With Narcissist Silent Treatment Guide📕

If you've ever been involved with a narcissist, you'll know exactly how dangerous and vindictive they can be. Now, they won't use physical violence to break their victims down, although the tactics they use are just as painful and debilitating. These slippery characters operate under the shadow of darkness and use subtle mind games and tactics in order to exert a maximum amount of control and manipulation over their prey. You have no doubt already guessed it, but in case you haven't yet, the silent treatment is a narcissist's go-to tactic when it comes to punishing their victims and taking control of them. Find out here why these abusers use this method and how to deal with it.

8 Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back 👻

If you’ve ever given online dating a whirl, the chances are you’ve been ghosted by someone. Now, for those of you who are unaware of this practice, it involves putting a sudden end to a relationship without offering any form of explanation. If I had to estimate how many times this has happened to me, I’d say there are definitely over 10 guys out there who owe me an explanation as to why they suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth… However, all the confusion and short-lived heartbreak has taught me that ghosters always seem to reappear at one time or another.

Should You Really Confess Your Feelings?

Who hasn’t had a crush in their life? You know, it’s when you fall for someone and have feelings for them even though you don’t really know them. I’m one of those people who have had lots of crushes, and sometimes I’ve even admitted my feelings. In fact, a recent example was just before I started my relationship with my current partner. I offloaded what I was feeling all of a sudden… I’ll tell you why I did it and how to go about it.

How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist?

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most horrific challenges anyone can ever go through in life, but that’s not to say that their reign of terror will last forever. Evidently, breaking the cycle of abuse isn’t exactly straightforward, however, once the discard phase has been activated and victims realize that they can walk away with their heads held high, the revenge phase can commence 😈. Unsurprisingly, getting even with a raging egocentric narcissist needs to be carefully planned, but ironically, their self-centered personalities expose to many axes of revenge, which will evidently really get to them…

Are Narcissists Lonely?

Loneliness is one of society’s biggest enemies, and none of us are exempt from it, not even the most devilish of narcissists out there. In fact, throughout the Coronavirus pandemic, 36% of Americans claimed that they have never felt lonelier, which sets a scary benchmark for the wider population 😔. Now, lots of us would no doubt immediately assume that narcissists are too independent and strong-willed to feel alone, however, the truth is they are often the biggest victims of loneliness, yet simply have trouble expressing their inner malaise.

"Nobody Likes Me"

Never invited to parties, never listened to or solicited... It feels like you're just an ordinary person, who is pushed aside and has no value. If this is the case, we often end up coming to the sad conclusion that "nobody likes us! But, why do we think this? Now, this thought does not reflect reality, it hides deeper issues that need to be worked on to detach ourselves from this heavy feeling. Everyone deserves to be loved, including us!

6 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Apologize - They Hate Saying Sorry

I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness means I’m not exactly the most willing person when it comes to uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’, but I always push through my pride; although unfortunately, the same can’t be said for narcissists... Indeed, people who suffer from this personality disorder will simply never hold their hands up and accept responsibility for their actions, despite how deeply they’ve hurt your feelings. 😱 You know the idiom getting blood from a stone, right? Well, when it comes to apologies from these toxic personalities, nothing is more appropriate, and here are 6 reasons why!

Why Do I Feel Bad When People Don’t Message Me Back?

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.



Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:17
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack