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A look at my backstory and former relationship with my mom and dad
My parents have always been the pushy and controlling type. From as far back as I can remember, they were always adamant that I had to do well for myself and become an overachiever. I had to do extra math problems, hand in 10-page essays when the teacher had only asked for 2, and sign up for every extracurricular activity under the sun. That was all dandy, but none of it was anything I'd decided for myself. Basically, they wanted me to be successful and ultimately lead a more comfortable life than they had.
My parents always had big dreams for me when I was a kid, but, unfortunately, this spilled into my adult life too. Take my college applications as an example, here, my parents just couldn't prevent themselves from running down all of my choices and gaslighting me into following their route of choice for me. Their parenting style was less about making sure I was okay and instead ensuring that the decisions I made impressed their equally controlling friends.
>>> Take the test to see if you are a toxic person
My defense mechanism
I'd always brushed their interfering ways under the carpet, however, that all changed with the birth of my first child. Up until that point, I'd never really considered us as having a particularly good relationship, but here, things completely deteriorated. Their emotional bullying mixed with my raging hormones just became unbearable. I was no longer able to deal with their bullying behavior, snide comments, or ridiculous judgments. I couldn't brush things off anymore. Enough was enough, I wasn't going to allow them to live vicariously through me anymore. I was and am my own person, with my own ideas, opinions, and feelings.
Here's how I got over my parents abusing me - 5 Techniques that helped me
1) I recognized I was a victim
Coming to the realization that my mom and dad were unfortunately just parents who dreamed of controlling their children was a tough one, but, it was a necessary step on the journey to well-being. Identifying bullying was a confusing phase because, well, I had always been conditioned to it. My parents thought they were doing their best for me, when instead they'd spent years breaking down my dreams and inflicting their own ones upon me.
2) I cut the toxicity off at the source
Although it was truly painful, cutting my mom and dad out of my life for a while really helped me heal my soul. Taking time apart from them helped me realize what I was capable of and what I really wanted from life. I deserved to be able to listen to my own desires without worrying about their harsh judgments and opinions. By taking a step back, I was able to detach myself from their views and ultimately live for myself.
>>> Read; Is my mom a narcissist?
3) I established boundaries in all of my surviving relationships
Realizing that my parents, who were supposed to be my protectors, had spent my whole life manipulating and gaslighting me made me want to establish boundaries in my other relationships. I'd essentially suffered years of emotional abuse and no longer wanted to feel like this anymore, so, I decided to finally take control, and speak my mind. I wasn't prepared for anyone else to minimize my feelings or my ideas.
4) I acknowledged my feelings
I know for me that feelings are a complete puzzle, which explains why I struggle to deal with them. I'm not exactly the most open person when it comes to expressing how I feel and admitting when people make me feel a certain way. However, finally coming face to face with my emotions was kind of liberating for me. Being about to put labels on my emotions freed plenty of things I had buried deep within my soul.
>>> Read; Can you really cut ties with your family?
5) I got professional help
Turning to a therapist wasn't an easy decision to make, but it was no doubt the decision that saved me. Getting an outsider's opinion was very insightful and healing, too. Plus, it gave me the reassurance I needed to come to terms with everything I had experienced.
Editor's opinion - Put yourself firstOur parents are important figures in our lives, but that doesn't mean that they are necessarily healthy influences. No matter how old you are, you have to live your life for yourself and therefore put your own needs before theirs. We often feel indebted to those that raised us, but we must focus on making ourselves feel good, despite what other people may think or feel about our decisions. 🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, and be happy... Let’s do it here and now #BornToBeMe |
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