I Feel Rejected, Where Does This Feeling Of Exclusion Come From?

Last updated by Katie M.

“Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt rejected and have had great difficulty fitting in. I feel totally excluded, even now that I’m an adult. I have the impression that there is something about me that generates an antipathy that scares others away. Yet I’m respectful, curious, and really want to meet people and make strong friendships.” If you’ve recognized yourself in these words, it means that you’re wondering why you have this feeling of exclusion. Let’s look at where this feeling of being rejected comes from so that we can move on.


Genuine rejection, or just a feeling?

Social rejection can be an obvious reality, especially when you’re bullied (at school or at work). You’re subjected to aggression from a group, often led by a narcissistic person. However, if this is not the case, it may simply be mistrust. Indeed, when you introduce yourselves to a new group, those opposite you are cautious and prefer to take time to get to know you. 👉 In this case, it’s not a question of real intention to reject. It’s about distance, even indifference, which is difficult to experience if you’re hypersensitive.

You may be interested in this article >>> Are you hypersensitive?

The fear of not being accepted

You should always take a step back and question your vulnerability to the non-recognition and non-acceptance of others. When we’re scared, we tend to see this fear everywhere. The same goes for social exclusion. From then on, it can be a vicious circle. Indeed, from the moment you fear something, you’re more likely to cause it.

➜ Fear is likely to disturb our social behavior and thus lead to real exclusion.

Traumatic roots

This feeling of exclusion and fear of not being accepted often stems from a complicated childhood. Emotional pain is born during this pivotal period and becomes real invisible wounds in adulthood.  💔 For example, if one of our parents rejected us, unconsciously or not, this makes us fragile. The wound of rejection lasts, even when we become adults. That’s why it’s important to understand the reason for this fear. In fact, the 5 wounds that prevent us from reaching our happiness are the following: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, and injustice.

The birth of the feeling of exclusion

The wound of rejection is therefore born during childhood. There can be several cases where a child can develop this trauma. For example:

  • If you were an unwanted child, an “accident”.
  • If your parents, or one of them, wanted the opposite sex (a boy if you’re a girl and vice-versa).
  • If one of your parents behaved in a way that rejected or disregarded one of your needs.
  • If one of your parents expressed an excessive expectation.
  • If, on the contrary, you were very protected. The message you get is that you’re too fragile and unable to manage on your own.

You may be interested in this article >>> How to turn hypersensitivity into strength?

Escape as a social habit

Therefore, if you have this wound of rejection inside you, you adopt a certain behavior in response to it. Often, it’s characterized by escape, without you even realizing it.

  • Wanting to be alone,
  • Underestimating yourself,
  • Taking a back seat to others,
  • Not making eye contact,
  • Not giving your opinion,
  • Not talking much,
  • Fear of not being understood,
  • Adapting your behavior to please,
  • Changing the subject when it scares you,
  • Having your head in the clouds (disconnected from reality),
  • Brooding over certain situations or conversations,
  • Being a perfectionist,
  • Not feeling important,
  • Avoiding certain social situations (birthdays, parties, family meals, etc.),
  • Being in conflict with your parent of the same sex,
  • The gap between reality and expectations.

The most difficult thing to live with is the gap between reality and our expectations. Indeed, a rejection wound may prevent us from fitting in easily because of our conscious or unconscious behaviors. That’s how the feeling of exclusion arises and how we’re unable to fill our solitude. We feel that we can never connect with others.

To get out of this rut and finally feel accepted, you need to go through 4 stages:

  • Understanding where the feeling of being a subject comes from
  • Releasing buried emotions
  • Reaching out to others
  • Existing in the absence of validation from others

➜ It’s not easy to do this work on your own, which is why you shouldn’t hesitate to get support and talk to a professional. You need to understand these past wounds to establish bonds and no longer feel rejected.

Editor’s note: A feeling that causes great suffering

The feeling of being rejected and not being able to fit in is a cause of great suffering and may lead you to withdraw into yourself. This is why it’s important to identify the causes of this feeling of rejection and work on the subject with a psychologist. Together, you’ll identify the reasons for this discontent and find ways to move forward.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!

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Article presented by Katie M.

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