I Never Say What I Think; So, What Would Happen If I Started Speaking My Mind?

Last updated by Katie M.

I’m a rather angry person. This rage often comes from the fact that I hold back all the time, dwell on things, think them over and then finally don’t say anything. I watch others who have an answer to everything, and I keep quiet. I’m unable to say what I think and always find myself hanging back. I'm ultimately afraid that someone will turn their back on me, that I won’t be up to the job, that I will shock people with my words, yet I keep it all inside until I'm ready to explode… This has to change, I need to find my voice and speak up.

I Never Say What I Think; So, What Would Happen If I Started Speaking My Mind?
Contents: 

I might not say anything, but that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion

I remember hearing people make comments that shocked me about politics or social issues… They said it with such aplomb, with such confidence, that I kept quiet with the little voice in my head screaming at me, “But why don’t you say you disagree?”, “Why don’t you give your opinion?” And all for what? To remain silent and end up having the conversation with myself in my head several hours later.

The problem, you see, is that I wasn’t taught to be confident in myself and what I say. Above all, I was taught that authority is always right: parents, teachers, bosses and anyone who spoke louder than me. Like many, I had a bad experience one day of saying what I was thinking deep down and the repercussions were very severe: reprimands, humiliation, and please don’t talk nonsense anymore. It soon put me off and now every time I say what I think, I tremble in anticipation and as soon as my words are just a bit harsh, I immediately feel the need to apologize. We are all seeking to be loved and valued. I’m no different. I avoid saying what I think so that I don’t get judged badly, and that people don’t distance themselves from me.

>>> Discover our tips on how to criticize successfully

And then, I explode with rage

By keeping it to myself and staying quiet, I undoubtedly end up exploding. I even often unload myself on those I love the most. No reserve here, I can even be extremely cruel with those I love. But this unjustified and regrettable anger is above all the result of my feeling of powerlessness. It’s an anger fed by all the “I should have said that”, which ends up cutting me off from others. The energy it demands from me is so intense that I sometimes prefer not to see certain people rather than confront them. It’s so easy to be frank when I keep quiet.

Goodbye self-esteem

Not expressing myself seriously undermines my self-esteem. I am frustrated, I’m too nice, I even start to think that I’m being disrespected. And what about the respect I owe myself? Even if I don’t say the complete opposite of what I think and just keep my mouth shut, I’m lying to myself. And over time, I even risk what I was seeking to avoid the most: conflict. If I hide what I think at the risk of ending up frustrated, the day will come when it’s too much and in a fit of rebellion, I’ll end up raising my voice to give my true opinion, and it may be perceived badly! But let’s reassure ourselves, it’s never too late to do the right thing, and we can decide today to free ourselves from the gaze of others and learn to say things.

How can you free yourself from worrying about other people's opinions and instead say what you think?

1. Get to know yourself better

Knowing yourself: your strengths, your limits, your weaknesses, your talents. It’s a good way to free yourself from the gaze of others and to protect yourself from their critiques or judgements. We know it, you know it, we make quick judgements about other people, so don’t let them define us and take the time to think about whom we really are, in order to define ourselves. And finally, give importance to the way you look at yourself. Validation doesn’t just come from others and the way they look at you. Your opinion counts too. If you’re proud of something, don’t wait for other people to share your opinion or validate your pride. Because revealing your true thoughts, daring to speak also shows your character: the unreserved, assuming, visible person that you really are.

2. Accept you won’t please everyone

It’s often by wanting to avoid criticism that we stop ourselves from saying what we think. Have you never hidden your opinion, put your individuality aside so as not to shock or out of fear of being rejected? It’s impossible to please everyone. It sounds banal, but it’s a fact. A fact that must be taken fully into account in order to be able to finally say what we think.

3. Say yes to and accept your vulnerability

Very often, we are afraid of appearing vulnerable in front of others. By showing our weaknesses, we are afraid of appearing imperfect and, once again, being rejected. But if we don’t think about it, it is precisely by opening up to others, by being authentic, that we create deeper connections with others, moments of sharing, rich and intense exchanges. And this is still the best way to feel accepted and to be freer to say what we think.

>>> Read 10 quotes on freedom

Editor’s note – The importance of managing emotions

It may not necessarily seem obvious, but in order not to care about the gaze of others and to dare to say what we think, we must learn to manage our emotions better. Indeed, the more quickly we tend to allow ourselves to be overcome by our embarrassment, shyness, fear, anger, excitement, etc., the more we tend to keep quiet or, on the contrary, be brutally, even nastily or cruelly frank. Saying what we think is being honest, and the aim must be honorable, sincere and come from the heart. Saying what we think with the desire to belittle, cause hurt, or simply doing it badly, without tact, digression or precaution, will only end up having negative effects.

Here's some more exciting content for you:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

What Exactly Does It Mean To Be Proactive?

Sometimes I feel like I’m being completely proactive and other times, much less so. Yet I know that this is a behavior that can bring me many things, especially in the professional world. But what exactly does it mean to be proactive? Why is it good to be so, especially in our careers? Let’s get ahead of events and expectations to do even better! Let me explain.

What Are The Psychological Consequences Of Infidelity?

What’s a worse betrayal than being cheated on by your partner? Frankly, having experienced it, I don’t think there is one. It’s a real tsunami that overwhelms us and makes us question everything. Why does it hurt so much? How can you stop suffering after discovering the infidelity of the person you loved? The psychological consequences of infidelity can be disastrous, and it can take years to get over it, or it leaves a lifelong wound... All will be explained.

Am I A Narcissist?

You are no doubt here because people have pointed out to you that you love being the center of attention and on top of that, you have a huge sense of entitlement, right? Or perhaps it’s because you lack empathy and have a grandiose sense of self-importance? If you are nodding your head to either of the previous scenarios, the following signs in our narcissist test will in fact reveal whether you have narcissistic traits that could be diagnosed as a disorder. Our 10 steps diagnostic tool is here to confirm or refute your suspicions, so let’s get started.

I'm Too Scared To Fall In Love; How Can I Overcome This Fear?

In love, things are never really certain and just when we think things are going well, they often seem to derail. That being said, when you consider that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it's no wonder that reluctance to fall in love is becoming an increasingly common phobia amongst people. This fear hides deep-seated anxieties and can become very painful and penalizing... To overcome your worries and cast them aside once and for all, you need to understand where they originate from.

How To Overcome Betrayal In 5 Key Steps

Whether it’s in friendship or love, betrayal is extremely painful, especially when it comes from people you trusted. Going through it can be very traumatic and can even lead you to wonder whether you'll ever truly heal and recover. With that in mind, many questions surface, including; how do you get over it when someone stabs you in the back? How do you rebuild yourself and learn to trust again? Here are 5 steps to overcome disloyalty, and who knows, they may even reinstall your hope in people.

How To Maintain A Virtual Long-Distance Relationship

Have you given into the temptation of using dating websites? Well, if you have, know that you’ve done the right thing, especially if it has led you to meeting the man of your dreams. But that being said, with Internet being worldwide and all, perhaps your SO lives hundreds or even thousands of miles away. Even so, do you plan on being together forever but are struggling to deal with the distance? Perhaps you've never even met each other in real life; such is the beauty of virtual relationships. Being away from the one we love can be tough, but as they say, absence makes the heart grown fonder.

10 Healthy Relationship Tips All Couples Must Follow

Stories of couples who spend their whole lives together seem like distant fairy tales nowadays. With the rise of dating apps and a shift in the idea of what constitutes a traditional relationship; the word long-term almost sounds foreign to many of us. Being in love isn't always simple, but when it works out, it's worth all the hard work. Being the romantic souls that we are, we wanted to share with you the recipe for a long-lasting and harmonious relationship. After all, who doesn't want to experience what their grandparents did? Discover the best tips for a happy and healthy love story.

Standing Up To A Narcissist Is Possible If You Follow These 9 Steps

If you’re anything like me, you’re no doubt sick of being manipulated and humiliated by the narcissistic vampires that surround you. Enough is enough! The time has come for you to stand up for yourself! No matter who is making you feel bad about yourself; you need to flip the tables and take back the power. Psychological abuse has deep and lasting impacts, but turning the page and moving on is the healthiest thing any victim can do. Here are 9 essential tips on how you can defend yourself against a narcissistic pervert.

10 Signs Of A Bad Friendship - These Should Alarm You!

Our instincts are often renowned for always being right, and we certainly know the signs of a bad relationship when we see them. Although, that being said, we do at times end up ignoring our gut feelings and only realize how toxic they are when it's too late. Just like in relationships, there are red flags we can't ignore in our friendship group if we want our rapport to remain healthy. Read on to discover the 10 signs that you need to update your girl group and ditch certain members of it.

The Ultimate Survival Guide To Dealing With A Break-Up

Getting over an ex isn’t always an easy process because we all mend, move on and heal differently. Whilst for some of us, a quick hookup and a few weeks of reflection is enough, others take much longer to move forward and on to new things. Whatever method you choose when it comes to forgetting about your past love experiences, know that it takes a lot of strength of character. The post breakup period can make us feel lonely and lost, but believe us when we say there is light at the end of the tunnel. Discover the motions people go through, and the steps involved to being able to recover for heartbreak.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to soothe an anxiety attack