What is good communication?
Not daring to say things, hiding what bothers you, always being kind, and in short not causing upset, prevents you from having a healthy relationship. By not wanting to offend, your relationship will lose authenticity and even trust. Good communication is therefore often a matter of playing fair. Be careful, it’s not about being aggressive, brutal, offensive or wanting to assert your authority by shouting either. The purpose of communication is indeed to resolve conflicts and not to create them. You just have to be yourself and have an authentic, face-to-face discussion. You don’t send an email to your colleague to say that their late delivery of a project is out of order and you don’t break up with your partner by text message: “I don’t love you any more, see you.”
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Having the courage to be who we are
If we often find ourselves bogged down in communication problems – broken communication, colleagues or friends who speak to each other on edge, mistrust, the feeling that people are talking about us behind our backs – it’s because we didn’t have the courage to say things transparently. Not daring to say what we think and handling someone with kid gloves is taking the risk that a relationship will become locked in a vicious spiral.
But, as I’m the first to admit, saying things as they are is not always easy. In fact, it’s extremely complicated! The fear of hurting, offending or being the source of conflict is very great. As is the anxiety of losing control by being overcome with emotions. These are the behaviours we have to work on to finally have the courage to say things, however difficult they may be. Knowing and being able to manage our emotions is an essential first step, but we also have to be completely in tune with ourselves. If, for example, I want to take a break in my relationship, I say it clearly, without being harsh and without beating around the bush, stating my intentions clearly. Because if my intentions are clear, then they should be made known. The clearer I am with myself, the clearer I can be with the other person, and this avoids them becoming overcome with false and crazy interpretations or delirious fantasies. And with that, suffering, anger, gratitude, expectations, needs, etc. All these things have to be expressed as transparently as possible.
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Editor’s note – Better communication is also about listening better
Listening to others is quite a rare quality. Knowing how to say what you think is good, but knowing how to listen to the other person is essential so that neither of you refuses to compromise and that the exchange isn’t sterile. In fact, the key to more relaxed communication is knowing how to listen to each other, to accept our differences and to take a step back from the argument. It happens, and it’s no big deal. The point is that it doesn’t persist. In this case, you will have to clear the air… by saying things clearly!
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