Is marriage a normal course of progression in a relationship?
For some people, this is simply a matter of course. A choice, so to speak, which stems from a long family tradition or comes straight from the tales, films and novels that we have all come across at some time or another. For others, only love prevails and getting married is not important. Apart from the financial cost of a wedding, there are plenty of good reasons not to get married: the organization and logistics involved in a wedding can scare off some people, and the contract, the written and solemn commitment that is made, can also be a deterrent. At a time when there is no longer any need for marriage, why should you choose to be wed officially?
Personally, I love organizing events and parties, but every time I get asked why I finally decided to get married, despite being somewhat reticent about the idea beforehand, I always answer the same thing: because I wanted to celebrate love. And it’s true! I no longer had to prove the truth and seriousness of my relationship as we’d been together for 7 years already, but we had both just gone through a difficult period. Suffering at work, harassment, depression, an early mid-life crisis in our thirties, etc. When I managed to get my head back above water after all that, I thought about him, about us, about our relationship and I told myself that we had remained strong, together, solid, the best support for each other through very dark times and that this love deserved to be celebrated. For me, it was too good an opportunity not to bring together all of our loved ones – and less loved ones I must admit – in the name of love. With age, distance, the lack of time, it becomes increasingly difficult to gather everyone around you. Even for birthdays or parties, it can be difficult. Only a wedding is capable of such a feat.
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A break and a commitment
When I think back to the time of my wedding, I’m usually nostalgic. I think back to that year of preparation, reflections and questioning, and to that day of excitement, happiness and pride… And I also tell myself that in the course of my life, this period was a break, a moment untouched by time away from the daily routine, during which we thought a lot about ourselves, our relationship, our future plans, and how we wanted to grow together. Marriage can be seen as a life step, but for me it was simply a very nice break before resuming life as a couple that I already cherished before. And what about the commitment? No matter how romantic your soul may be, marriage remains above all a contract, a legal act and a commitment that imposes rights and obligations. Fidelity, help, assistance, life as a couple, contribution to the burdens of marriage, raising children. The list of duties is long and at a time when it seems that people no longer want to make an effort to save their relationship, it’s normal that many people refuse to tick off the marriage box, thinking that they are thus preserving their freedom. The freedom to break up easily without having to go through a divorce, which can take time and money. The freedom not to be a wife but a person in one’s own right. In short, the freedom not to be in a framework that’s too rigid!
Maybe it’s crazy but I got married because I’m hopeful that we will love each other for the rest of our lives. The number of divorces is increasing, but clearly, I must think that we are stronger than the others!
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Editor’s note – Be reassured by marriage
We sometimes tend to think that marriage, or civil partnerships too, is a way to reassure ourselves about the fragility of love and our relationship. It’s not entirely untrue, but married or not, the flame of love can always be extinguished. Having a ring on your finger is not a totem of immunity, we must always take care of the love that we feel. Because whatever the path that we choose for our relationship, love requires effort to fight for the one that we love. And that is the greatest commitment.
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