Is it normal to have no friends at all?
All it takes is an accumulation of small oversights on the part of those around us to come to this feeling that no one loves us. To understand where this comes from, we can look at our childhood. We can feel this way because of an imbalance in our parents' affection, whether it is a deficiency or an overflow. The psychotherapist, Maud Lehanne, explains that this complaint often comes from adults who were lacking love during childhood. It is not necessarily a matter of absence or abuse, but many parents do not know how to show their love to their child š¤. This lack of emotional connection can leave a lasting impact, making it difficult for us to believe we are worthy of love and friendship as adults.
Others are running away from excessive demand.
However, this depends on the family spheres, because conversely, we find parents who are overflowing with love. Once an adult, we may think that everything is due to us. We may ask others for as much love as our parents have given us. Except that it is difficult to find the equivalent of the maternal and paternal love received during childhood. Therefore, many people will run away from this inordinate need and demand šāāļø... This creates a cycle of disappointment and rejection, which only reinforces the feeling that nobody likes us.
What causes a person to not have friends?
The problem with this imbalance is that it will maintain the feeling of unease and rejection. It is indeed "only" a feeling; it does not necessarily translate into a reality. It is a cognitive distortionāour vision is distorted by an emotional wound. We then lock ourselves in our negative emotions, having the impression that it is the translation of a truth. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where our belief that no one likes us leads to behaviors that push people away. We need to work on our "Calimero syndrome" to adopt a more objective view of life and challenge ourselves š§.
A narcissistic failure
The psychiatrist, Samuel Lepastier, explains that we have a system of reasoning too self-centered when we think about the fact that nobody loves us š. It's true that we're not taught much about stepping back and interpreting things outside ourselves. This narcissistic failure is even more true when we are hypersensitive because our emotions take up so much space. We no longer have enough space and energy to give to others... This inward focus can make it difficult to build meaningful connections, as we become trapped in our own emotional world.
A defense mechanism
It is easier to say to ourselves that it is the others who are wrong than us. Blaming others is more convenient than facing our own way of being! This is a common defense mechanism, and many people suffer from it without even realizing it. However, letās take an honest look inside ourselves: are we doing what is necessary to reach out to others š
? We need to learn that our feeling of loneliness is not the responsibility of the people around us. Taking accountability for our emotions and actions is the first step toward breaking this cycle.
How do we get out of this feeling?
Becoming aware that this feeling comes from us is already the first step to getting out of this malaise. We must work on our automatic thoughts by telling ourselves that there are always people who love us. When we say to ourselves "nobody loves me," it is often an exaggeration of reality. Unless there is a withdrawal with social isolation, but thatās another issue again š„. By writing down the people who love us, we can remember the attention they have given us. These gestures prove how much we are loved š„°.
From there, we can ask ourselves, "What have I done to deserve the attention of my loved ones?" This implies that we must ask ourselves if we, too, have given love and proof of affection to those around us. Being a seeker is one thing, but it is also important to be a giver. If weāre turned toward others, theyāll give back š©ā¤ļøš©!
Work on your self-confidence
An imbalance in our ego reflects a major lack of self-confidence. We often feel that we are not worthy of being loved. We can be left out while we do everything to be integrated, but if we do not show a confident spirit, the rejection still takes place. One is thus locked in a vicious circle from which it is difficult to escape. It is, therefore, necessary to develop oneās charisma and be attentive to others to show a strong value of our person. By doing this, we also learn to detach ourselves from our rumination about the lack of love. Our focus shifts to the other person, which gives us another energy šŖ!
š” FAQ - Why do I have no friends? - 3 Reasons why ā¼
1. If you think you donāt have friends, itās because you complain a lot
Constantly complaining can be one of the reasons why you donāt have friends. This fact is so socially accepted that you settle there almost without realizing it. Constant complaints, however, lead other people to see you as a victim and someone very pessimistic. Complaints, too, make you a selfish person. Only your discomfort counts, you are so bad that you absolutely need the support of others. However, others may tire of hearing your laments. Maybe thatās why you donāt have any friends...
2. When youāre in a relationship, you forget about your friends
Many people, when they are in a relationship, forget that they have friends. They only want to be with their partner. This is understandable, but you also have to create a space for yourself to give time to your friends. Your friends may feel manipulated if you only call them and make plans with them when youāre not in a relationship. Friendships must be maintained. Does your partner really need all your time? You really donāt have time for your friends?
3. You have too high expectations of friends
If you donāt have friends, it may also be because you have too high expectations of how they should act. This sometimes happens in relationships as well. High expectations only bring us heartache and frustration. Expecting others to act as we think they should or to be our friends in some ways are hard expectations to meet. No one will behave the way we do or the way we want them to behave. Eliminate expectations that destroy your friendships.
You deserve to be loved! We deserve to be loved!
Challenging ourselves and recentering our narcissistic views is extremely important. Nevertheless, we also need to analyze the situation with kindness. If there is a form of harassment or if we have the impression to find our evils in a psychological disease, we should not be overwhelmed. This article is not meant to make you feel guilty, but to understand and to perform introspection. I myself had this type of reflection for a long time, feeling that I didnāt deserve to be loved š„ŗ.
Except I wasnāt, I deserved to be loved. Just like you deserve to be loved! It burns in us the same sacred fire that we admire in others, the trick is to see it and believe it! To do this, we have to put aside our damned impostor syndrome and bring our doses of love to others. However, it is often necessary to be accompanied by a therapist to make this long way, then let us not do it alone.
Editorās opinion: Deconstruct this thought"Nobody loves me," here is a painful thought that can quickly loop in our minds. As Lauren rightly explains, this is not reality, it is a vision of your mind, a way of seeing things... Anyway, this kind of thinking is a source of suffering, it can lead us to isolate ourselves, withdraw into ourselves and lead to depression, thatās why it is urgent to talk about it. Everything we donāt say is printed on us. Make an appointment with a psychologist, together you will deconstruct this reasoning to get better.
š¤ Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Itās here and now! #BornToBeMe
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