"Nobody Likes Me", Why Do You Think That?

Last updated by Lauren Hart

Never invited to parties, never listened to or solicited... It feels like you're just an ordinary person, who is pushed aside and has no value. If this is the case, we often end up coming to the sad conclusion that "nobody likes us! But, why do we think this? Now, this thought does not reflect reality, it hides deeper issues that need to be worked on to detach ourselves from this heavy feeling. Everyone deserves to be loved, including us!

"Nobody Likes Me", Why Do You Think That?

An imbalance in affection

All it takes is an accumulation of small oversights on the part of those around us to come to this feeling that no one loves us. To understand where this comes from, we can look at our childhood. We can feel this way because of an imbalance in our parents' affection, whether it is a deficiency or an overflow. The psychotherapist, Maud Lehanne, explains that this complaint comes from adults who were lacking love during childhood. It is not necessarily a matter of absence or abuse, but many parents do not know how to show their love to their child 🤕.

Others are running away from excessive demand.

However, this depends on the family spheres, because conversely, we find parents who are overflowing with love. Once an adult, we will therefore think that everything is due to us. We will ask others for as much love as our parents have given us. Except that it is difficult to find the equivalent of the maternal and paternal love received during childhood. Therefore, many people will run away from this inordinate need and demand 🏃♂️...

A distorted vision

The problem with this imbalance is that it will maintain the feeling of unease and rejection. It is indeed "only" a feeling, it does not necessarily translate into a reality. It is a cognitive distortion, our vision is distorted by an emotional wound. We then lock ourselves in our negative emotions, having the impression that it is the translation of a truth. We need to work on our Calimero syndrome to adopt a more objective view of life and challenge ourselves 🧐.

A narcissistic failure

The psychiatrist, Samuel Lepastier, explains that we have a system of reasoning too self-centered when we think about the fact that nobody loves us 😔. It's true that we're not taught much about stepping back and interpreting things outside ourselves. This narcissistic failure is even more true when we are hypersensitive because our emotions take up so much space. We no longer have enough space and energy to give to others...

A defense mechanism

It is easier to say to ourselves that it is the others who are wrong than us. Blaming others is more convenient than facing our own way of being! This is a common defense mechanism, many people suffer from it without even realizing it. However, let's take an honest look inside ourselves, are we doing what is necessary to reach out to others 😅? We need to learn that our feeling of loneliness is not the responsibility of the people around us.

How do we get out of this feeling?

Becoming aware that this feeling comes from us is already the first step to getting out of this malaise. We must work on our automatic thoughts by telling ourselves that there are always people who love us. When we say to ourselves "nobody loves me", it is often an exaggeration of reality. Unless there is a withdrawal with social isolation, but that's another issue again 😥. By writing down the people who love us, we can remember the attention they have given us. These gestures prove how much we are loved 🥰.

From there, we can ask ourselves, "what have I done to deserve the attention of my loved ones?". This implies that we must ask ourselves if we, too, have given love and proof of affection to those around us. Being a seeker is one thing, but it is also important to be a giver. If we're turned toward others, they'll give back 👩❤️👩 !

Work on your self-confidence

An imbalance in our ego reflects a major lack of self-confidence. We often feel that we are not worthy of being loved. We can be left out while we do everything to be integrated, but if we do not show a confident spirit, the rejection still takes place. One is thus locked in a vicious circle from which it is difficult to escape. It is, therefore, necessary to develop one's charisma and be attentive to others to show a strong value of our person. By doing this, we also learn to detach ourselves from our rumination about the lack of love. Our focus shifts to the other person, which gives us another energy 💪 !

You deserve to be loved! We deserve to be loved!

Challenging ourselves and recentering our narcissistic views is extremely important. Nevertheless, we also need to analyze the situation with kindness. If there is a form of harassment or if we have the impression to find our evils in a psychological disease, we should not be overwhelmed. This article is not meant to make you feel guilty, but to understand and to perform introspection. I myself had this type of reflection for a long time, feeling that I didn't deserve to be loved 🥺.

Except I wasn't, I deserved to be loved. Just like you deserve to be loved! It burns in us the same sacred fire that we admire in others, the trick is to see it and believe it! To do this, we have to put aside our damned impostor syndrome and bring our doses of love to others. However, it is often necessary to be accompanied by a therapist to make this long way, then let us not do it alone.

Editor's opinion: Deconstruct this thought

"Nobody loves me", here is a painful thought that can quickly loop in our minds. As Lauren rightly explains, this is not reality, it is a vision of your mind, a way of seeing things... Anyway, this kind of thinking is a source of suffering, it can lead us to isolate ourselves, withdraw into ourselves and lead to depression, that's why it is urgent to talk about it. Everything we don't say is printed on us. Make an appointment with a psychologist, together you will deconstruct this reasoning to get better.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... It's here and now!

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Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

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