"Nobody Likes Me", Why Do You Think That?

Last updated by Lauren Hart

Never invited to parties, never listened to or solicited... It feels like you're just an ordinary person, who is pushed aside and has no value. If this is the case, we often end up coming to the sad conclusion that "nobody likes us! But, why do we think this? Now, this thought does not reflect reality, it hides deeper issues that need to be worked on to detach ourselves from this heavy feeling. Everyone deserves to be loved, including us!

"Nobody Likes Me", Why Do You Think That?
Contents: 

An imbalance in affection

All it takes is an accumulation of small oversights on the part of those around us to come to this feeling that no one loves us. To understand where this comes from, we can look at our childhood. We can feel this way because of an imbalance in our parents' affection, whether it is a deficiency or an overflow. The psychotherapist, Maud Lehanne, explains that this complaint comes from adults who were lacking love during childhood. It is not necessarily a matter of absence or abuse, but many parents do not know how to show their love to their child 🤕.

Others are running away from excessive demand.

However, this depends on the family spheres, because conversely, we find parents who are overflowing with love. Once an adult, we will therefore think that everything is due to us. We will ask others for as much love as our parents have given us. Except that it is difficult to find the equivalent of the maternal and paternal love received during childhood. Therefore, many people will run away from this inordinate need and demand 🏃♂️...

A distorted vision

The problem with this imbalance is that it will maintain the feeling of unease and rejection. It is indeed "only" a feeling, it does not necessarily translate into a reality. It is a cognitive distortion, our vision is distorted by an emotional wound. We then lock ourselves in our negative emotions, having the impression that it is the translation of a truth. We need to work on our Calimero syndrome to adopt a more objective view of life and challenge ourselves 🧐.

A narcissistic failure

The psychiatrist, Samuel Lepastier, explains that we have a system of reasoning too self-centered when we think about the fact that nobody loves us 😔. It's true that we're not taught much about stepping back and interpreting things outside ourselves. This narcissistic failure is even more true when we are hypersensitive because our emotions take up so much space. We no longer have enough space and energy to give to others...

A defense mechanism

It is easier to say to ourselves that it is the others who are wrong than us. Blaming others is more convenient than facing our own way of being! This is a common defense mechanism, many people suffer from it without even realizing it. However, let's take an honest look inside ourselves, are we doing what is necessary to reach out to others 😅? We need to learn that our feeling of loneliness is not the responsibility of the people around us.

How do we get out of this feeling?

Becoming aware that this feeling comes from us is already the first step to getting out of this malaise. We must work on our automatic thoughts by telling ourselves that there are always people who love us. When we say to ourselves "nobody loves me", it is often an exaggeration of reality. Unless there is a withdrawal with social isolation, but that's another issue again 😥. By writing down the people who love us, we can remember the attention they have given us. These gestures prove how much we are loved 🥰.

From there, we can ask ourselves, "what have I done to deserve the attention of my loved ones?". This implies that we must ask ourselves if we, too, have given love and proof of affection to those around us. Being a seeker is one thing, but it is also important to be a giver. If we're turned toward others, they'll give back 👩❤️👩 !

Work on your self-confidence

An imbalance in our ego reflects a major lack of self-confidence. We often feel that we are not worthy of being loved. We can be left out while we do everything to be integrated, but if we do not show a confident spirit, the rejection still takes place. One is thus locked in a vicious circle from which it is difficult to escape. It is, therefore, necessary to develop one's charisma and be attentive to others to show a strong value of our person. By doing this, we also learn to detach ourselves from our rumination about the lack of love. Our focus shifts to the other person, which gives us another energy 💪 !

You deserve to be loved! We deserve to be loved!

Challenging ourselves and recentering our narcissistic views is extremely important. Nevertheless, we also need to analyze the situation with kindness. If there is a form of harassment or if we have the impression to find our evils in a psychological disease, we should not be overwhelmed. This article is not meant to make you feel guilty, but to understand and to perform introspection. I myself had this type of reflection for a long time, feeling that I didn't deserve to be loved 🥺.

Except I wasn't, I deserved to be loved. Just like you deserve to be loved! It burns in us the same sacred fire that we admire in others, the trick is to see it and believe it! To do this, we have to put aside our damned impostor syndrome and bring our doses of love to others. However, it is often necessary to be accompanied by a therapist to make this long way, then let us not do it alone.

Editor's opinion: Deconstruct this thought

"Nobody loves me", here is a painful thought that can quickly loop in our minds. As Lauren rightly explains, this is not reality, it is a vision of your mind, a way of seeing things... Anyway, this kind of thinking is a source of suffering, it can lead us to isolate ourselves, withdraw into ourselves and lead to depression, that's why it is urgent to talk about it. Everything we don't say is printed on us. Make an appointment with a psychologist, together you will deconstruct this reasoning to get better.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... It's here and now!
#BornToBeMe

Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

Our most popular 'psychology' articles:

More insights into our personalities:

I Have Fits Of Anger

Anyone who’s never felt anger can close this article! We’ve all felt this virulent emotion at one time or another 😡. It’s neither bad nor good, but it has the right to exist. It’s healthy to feel angry when you’re betrayed or a victim of an injustice. However, when anger attacks are recurrent, it’s good to learn how to control them. When anger hurts others or ourselves, it becomes a problem.

Ergophobia: When The Fear Of Work Eats Away At You…

I know the real fear of work. I suffered from it for a long time, but I’m happy to say that today I’m cured. It’s an illness that can make others smile, as you can easily be seen as lazy. However, it’s not the case for people suffering from ergophobia, the fear of work. Where does this fear come from? How can it be treated? All will be explained.

6 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Apologize

I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness means I’m not exactly the most willing person when it comes to uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’, but I always push through my pride; although unfortunately, the same can’t be said for narcissists... Indeed, people who suffer from this personality disorder will simply never hold their hands up and accept responsibility for their actions, despite how deeply they’ve hurt your feelings. You know the idiom getting blood from a stone, right? Well, when it comes to apologies from these toxic personalities, nothing is more appropriate, and here are 6 reasons why!

I’m Scared Of Failure

“I won’t manage it”, “I can’t do it”… I often say this because I doubt my abilities tremendously. Being so negative allows me to calm my fear of failure a bit. By doing nothing, I don’t run the risk of failing. I prefer to do nothing and remain in a state of waiting, for fear of not succeeding. So I procrastinate, thinking about the fact that I didn’t take the plunge out of anxiety. How can I overcome this fear to really start doing things?

Why I Hate Conflict And What I Need To Do To Face It

As soon as I feel tension build up with someone close to me, I take flight. I don’t like conflict, even if I don’t agree with the other person, I run from it. As a result, I keep it all inside of me, which can generate a lot of annoyance. Rather than this eating away at us from the inside, we need to learn to overcome this fear of conflict to make our voice heard. Why do we run away from conflict? How can we overcome this fear? Here are some explanations.

6 Differences Between Being Self-Centered And Being A Narcissist

When it comes to mental health disorders, the parameters of each condition often seem blurry, and this explains why many of us have trouble identifying them. Plus, certain disorders frequently encompass similar symptoms and traits, making recognizing and therefore understanding them even more complicated. Let’s take being selfish and having a narcissistic personality disorder, for example. Because they overlap on such a huge scale, upon first glance, they do in fact seem indistinguishable to many of us. That being said, when you dig a little deeper, the differences do become more and more apparent.

What Are The Signs That You Are Unhappy?

I sometimes feel bad, I don’t have the energy anymore… When we encounter financial, family, or other difficulties, as well as serious events such as bereavement, we accumulate psychological wounds. We can be resilient and move on, but we can also be overwhelmed by a growing sense of unease. There’s no shame in feeling bad psychologically, it happens to us all. However, spotting the signs of unhappiness enables us to be alert and to take care of our mental health.

8 Reasons Why Millennials Feel So Lost

If you ever find yourself watching the news or reading traditional journalism outlets, you’ll no doubt have picked up on the bad rep that millennials get. That’s right, we millennials (those of us who were born between 1981 – 1996) are often criticized for being ‘woke’, overly sensitive, entitled, and lazy. Now, isn’t that a bunch of adjectives you’d instantly like to forget! As you can probably tell, I don’t agree with the evaluation regarding our age group and am here to explain why we feel so lost and disconnected.

Why Do We Like Being Scared?

Making up ghost stories, talking about horrible legends, wanting to talk about spirits… I think we all did it when we were children. Even as adults, if we like watching horror films or documentaries about serial killers, it’s because we love scaring ourselves! 😱 However, the question we may ask ourselves is why we like being scared? There are neuropsychological and sociological reasons behind this attraction. All will be explained!

How To Get Rid Of Your Horrid Complexes

Legs too fat, lips too small, scars or even shyness, whether it’s physical or psychological, complexes often have the bad taste of spoiling our lives and making us unhappy. But we won’t let them do that to us! We’re worth more than that, right?

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde