What is hypersexuality? A life centered around sex
First of all, as our sexologist Laurence Dispaux explains, you should know that there’s no consensus and no precise definition. However, we do know that hypersexuality corresponds to compulsive sexual behavior. The person affected will have an intense and persistent preoccupation or obsession with sexual thoughts, impulses, and actions. In short, their whole life revolves around sex 🔞.
Even if sex is cool, we’re talking about a sex addiction that causes personal distress and has an impact on all aspects of the person’s life, even to the point of disrupting their work and health 😥.
I’m addicted 😳 ⁉️
Let’s put our minds at rest straight away, just because you have a high libido doesn’t mean you’re a sex addict. In fact, when there’s a pathological problem, there’s a loss of control and a loss of pleasure in sexual activity. Hypersexual people may engage in sexual behavior not for pleasure, but to deal with negative emotions. |
👋 You may be interested in this article: Sexual abstinence in a relationship
What are the symptoms of this addiction to sex?
Like many behavioral disorders, the symptoms can vary from person to person. However, the sexologist explains that you can often find:
- 👉 A constant preoccupation with sexual fantasies, thoughts, or behaviors: i.e., spending a lot of time thinking about sex, planning sexual activities, engaging in sexual activities, or recovering from these activities.
- 👉 Compulsive sexual behavior: including behaviors such as excessive masturbation, excessive pornography use, having many sexual partners, or engaging in other risky sexual behaviors (for example: having sex without a condom).
- 👉 An inability to control these sexual behaviors: Sufferers may try to reduce or stop their sexual behaviors, but this usually ends in failure.
- 👉 Personal distress: Obviously, people who engage in this behavior become aware of it and experience many negative emotions, not to mention the consequences for their lives...
Sex, a way of calming yourself down
What you need to understand is that, as with every addiction, the aim is to relieve anxiety and calm the mind. Seeking pleasure is a way of thinking about something else, of keeping yourself positively occupied and calming yourself down.
It’s this constant search for appeasement that drives people to repeat the sexual act over and over again, but once the feeling of appeasement has disappeared, what remains is a feeling of something missing, a behavior typical of addiction. This lack of something translates into despair, sadness, depression, and emptiness.
>>> Read; What are the symptoms of depression?
Why does this behavior develop?
Studies agree that sex addiction is often caused by a variety of factors, including psychological disorders, trauma, biological, environmental, social, and genetic factors. Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and certain personality disorders can exacerbate feelings of anxiety, sadness, or excitement. These lead the person to engage in compulsive sexual behavior 😞. Moreover, when someone has been the victim of trauma, particularly sexual abuse, there’s a risk that they’ll develop a sexual compulsion to deal with the shock psychologically...
As far as biological factors are concerned, it’s been noted that, for example, high levels of dopamine, the pleasure and reward hormone, can trigger increased sexual pleasure seeking. Furthermore, exposure to pornography among young people, premature or inappropriate sexual behavior, and social pressure to be sexually active are also environmental triggers.
Finally, although research is still limited, there also appears to be a genetic component 🧬. Individuals who have parents or siblings with addiction problems, including sex, may be more likely to develop an addiction too.
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The difficulty of defining a sex addict
The problem with defining sex addiction, unlike addiction to tobacco or drugs, for example, is that it’s difficult to quantify. If a couple agrees to make love more than 3 times a day, all is well. On the other hand, if one partner only wants to make love 3 times a month and the other 3 times a day, there’s a difference in desire and one of them may accuse the other of being a sex addict.
To sum up, sex addiction is characterized by:
- 👉 A loss of control over sexual behavior,
- 👉 A sexual dependency expressed by a compulsive need to act, despite the potentially negative consequences,
- 👉 Psychological suffering linked to this addictive behavior (guilt, shame, depressed mood, etc.).
Worth noting ⚠️
In theory, sex addiction doesn’t lead to aggressive behavior. It leads to the consumption of sex, flirting, and seduction, but not normally to aggression.
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What do you do if you feel you’ve been affected?
First of all, you fight your feelings of shame 😔. Sexuality is a delicate subject, and it’s not easy to admit that you’re an addict. However, it’s important to talk to a therapist about it and get diagnosed, especially if it’s affecting you in your everyday life. If you’re in a relationship, you can start by talking to your partner. If it’s a problem, couples therapy is an option.
Individual therapy with a sexologist is also possible. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is generally offered to help understand the triggers. There are often support and discussion groups so that people can benefit from a safe space to share their experiences and learn from others. Because yes, other people are affected by it too!
The worst thing is to ignore the problem or hope that the behavior will go away on its own, especially if it’s ruining your life 😕. Hypersexuality isn’t a sign of weakness and/or depravity! It’s possible to mitigate it and change your behavior with therapeutic help.
Editor’s note: An addiction that needs treatingThis persistent sexual obsession can become a source of distress and disrupt all aspects of our lives. Symptoms vary but often include a constant preoccupation with sex, compulsive sexual behavior, an inability to control these behaviors, and personal distress. If you feel affected by these signs, don’t hesitate to consult a mental health professional. A psychologist or sexologist can help you understand and manage this situation.
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