Pocketing: An Unacknowledged Relationship That Hurts

Last updated by Lauren Hart

When I was younger, I experienced pocketing. At the time I didnā€™t know what it meant, but I did experience it, unfortunately. Pocketing was created from the word ā€œpocketā€. The term is new, but the practice is far from it, as I can testify. Pocketing can therefore be translated as ā€œhiding in your pocketā€, meaning that itā€™s a secret relationship...

Pocketing: An Unacknowledged Relationship That Hurts
Contents: 

What is pocketing?

As I explained in the introduction, pocketing is the act of wanting to hide your romantic relationship. Of course, thereā€™s a reason for this, usually, itā€™s because the person doesnā€™t want to be seen with someone whoā€™s different from societal norms šŸ˜…. It, therefore, reflects a fear of what others think, but itā€™s by no means a reason to disrespect the person youā€™re dating so much šŸ˜ .

You may be interested in this article >>> What are the signs your man doesn't respect you?

How does pocketing work?

The person who wants to hide the relationship acts as if they were single. They never reveal themselves to the other person in public. They particularly donā€™t want to introduce their partner to their close friends and family šŸ¤·ā™€ļø. Thereā€™s a refusal to show themselves on social media or to display demonstrations of affection with people around. Of course, not everyone likes to have public outpourings of love, there are people who are prudish. However, in the case of pocketing, itā€™s a real avoidance strategy thatā€™s very detrimental to the person being ā€œhiddenā€.

šŸ“Œ
I was barely 18 when I met a guy my age who I liked. To my face, he showed no interest in me, but as soon as we spoke online, he did everything to seduce me. I gradually fell in love with him, and we started a relationship. Yes, but the thing was he never wanted to see me in public. It was only at my house because he was afraid that his friends or family would see us together. In fact, I realized that he was embarrassed by me being overweight. My body didnā€™t fit the standards he wanted to show off. When I realized this after several weeks, it destroyed what little self-confidence I had...

Behavior that harms your self-esteem

I can say it loud and clear, pocketing is cruel and shows a total lack of empathy and respect. Itā€™s not normal to be hidden by the one you love for the whole relationship. It shatters your self-confidence and makes you question yourself all the time. Likewise, it causes anxiety, and youā€™ll always feel that youā€™re not good enough...

For me, it wasnā€™t my body that was the problem, it was him! Iā€™m still fat, and although Iā€™ve met men who have disrespected me again since then, I quickly got rid of them. Today, Iā€™m with a guy who thinks Iā€™m beautiful the way I am and doesnā€™t ask me to change. In short, a normal and healthy relationship!

šŸ‘‰ The problem with pocketing is that we always find excuses for the other person: ā€œOh itā€™s nice, heā€™s taking his timeā€, ā€œhe's shy, itā€™s not his faultā€, ā€œhis close ones are never availableā€, ā€œI donā€™t like being around people eitherā€... Except that, clearly, this behavior is a red flag! Waiting for it to be made official is useless, you need to react and get out of this toxic romantic relationship...

How to react if youā€™re a victim of pocketing?

You need to take time to analyze the situation. There may be pocketing at the beginning of a relationship to protect its first few months šŸ§. If the situation doesnā€™t last, itā€™s just a precaution taken. In this case, you need to talk about it because communication is the key to a happy relationship. Nevertheless, if the person shuts down and the behavior doesnā€™t change, you need to take the bull by the horns and leave šŸƒā™€ļø.

At the time, I didnā€™t know how to react because I was young, and I didnā€™t understand what was happening to me. Not to mention that I was emotionally dependent... So he used me until he found a woman he was proud to show off to his friends. I now know that the only solution would have been to leave him and take the time to rebuild myself after the break-up.

We deserve someone who respects us, who doesnā€™t try to change us, and who loves us for who we are. Even if the person who hides us has a fear of attachment or what others think, nothing can justify this behavior šŸ˜¤. We need to find the courage to end the relationship and put ourselves first. The saying that itā€™s better to be alone than in bad company is very true. You love someone for how they are, you donā€™t have to change them and be ashamed of them even less so šŸ™…ā€ā™€ļø!

Editorā€™s note: You deserve the best!

This type of relationship is extremely violent and can leave deep scars. Remember that the person doing this to you isnā€™t worthy of you. Donā€™t tolerate this behavior, thereā€™s nothing to hide. You deserve to find someone who loves you and accepts you fully with your qualities and faults, without trying to change who you are. This experience can damage your self-confidence and create certain fears, so donā€™t hesitate to make an appointment with a psychologist to talk about it. Everything that does unsaid remains printed on us...


šŸ¤— Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... Itā€™s here and now!
#BornToBeMe

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Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

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