Open Letter To My Children: Not Everything Was Perfect, But I Did My Best

Last updated by Katie M.

Do you remember those days at the beach? When we would leave early before the sun had even risen. I was always afraid you would be cold. It was magical to see the look in your eyes when the sea appeared through the car window. And then, inevitably, there were always my screams, and your screams too. There was always screaming. There are so many things inside us and our skin is only so thick… Of course, it exploded. In this story, not everything was perfect, but I did my best.

Open Letter To My Children: Not Everything Was Perfect, But I Did My Best

When I became a mom...

When I became a mother, I became an island. I felt powerful, but actually I was alone in the middle of the ocean, having to face the gusts of wind and the burning sun. People visited me, people trampled on me, and even though everyone seemed to know where I was, I myself was lost. We only have one mother and I felt very alone, I didn’t have a guide and I cried, swore, sighed about the frightening little beings that you were. I was full of anxieties, and they spread throughout our home. I wanted to be perfect, but you didn’t care. Maybe I spent too much time worrying about what might happen. I touched you, I watched you attentively for the slightest sign that something was wrong… I suffocated you and that was the problem.

>>> How can we reduce stress in children?

And then there is anger

I have often been compared to an animal. I was told that, like mares, my impulsiveness and impatience would disappear when I had a child. Others are sometimes so stunned… Anyway, the predictions turned out to be wrong. How could you not feel the storm coming when faced with your rebellious glances, your sharp words, your cutting gestures? So yes, I let go of your hands, left rooms, slammed doors. I resented you for being against me and not completely against me. I silently wished in my head for you to disappear. I was like a tearful lover. I tried to coax you, to force your affection, I looked for the love in you with hugs that you rejected, and then I gave up.

Locked in my silence, I became this emotionless woman, just a wet nurse. But remember the heat after the storm! When your little arms became necklaces around my neck, when I kissed your noses and stroked your hair. It was impossible to be calm, anger was chased away with big kisses. It was crazy, complete nonsense. A real torrent of emotions. With you, I got it all wrong. I didn’t always take the time to play or read stories. Sometimes I wasn’t very available or too present. I would have liked to teach you happiness, freedom, self-confidence… I would have liked to always be there for you, to be available and also take time for myself, to be able to come back even better, a little better. I didn’t find the solution to this dilemma, I did what I could. I moved up to the line, gave it a big kick and tried as best as I could to take back control. But the love! The love between us! How can we be perfect when this improbable love keeps us going?

Family“This possibility that motherhood is not an innate gift, that it is constructed with the child with doubt and chaos, with the trial and error of the most loving reason.” Marc Vilrouge

>>> Discover the reasons why I don't want children

I am an island

Today, I am still an island. Motherhood isolates you. Being your mother is not like being your father, it’s not like being my own mother, and it’s not like being other mothers. It’s no longer about the woman I was before, not another one, but not quite the same one either. I am an island and I have a crazy family in my bosom. I protect against gales, but sometimes let a storm pass. Sometimes we get soaked, we’re a little less warm, we shiver, but I do my best as I’m just an island!

>>> Advice for when your child hits.

Editor’s note – We don’t have the children of our dreams

With pregnancy, fantasies and dreams are born and grow. We imagine our children, what we will do with them and who they will become. We have to admit that the reality is sometimes brutal. Instead of the calm and affectionate child I was expecting, I have a stubborn mule who is noisy and temperamental. We are not always the parents we hoped to be. Sometimes we try to become one with different educational books, but our children are not the same as others, and they are not always who we hoped they would be. Let’s reassure ourselves, we haven’t done anything wrong, apart from idealizing them!

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


More content: 

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Between Bliss And Suffering: Who Is The Child-Like Woman?

But who is she really? The child-like woman. It’s all in the name, but not quite fully, either. Admittedly, the child-like woman has become an adult, because we all go through that, but she hasn’t “grown up”. So she juggles all her facets: cute and sexy, fresh and annoying. The child-like woman is above all a subject of fantasy, for better or for worse. Let’s explain.

6 Examples Of Moving Farewell Letters, It’s Time To Open Your Heart

"Love stories usually end badly." As you know as well as Les Rita Mitsoukos, love isn’t a direct path to eternity. Sometimes it disappears from our hearts, leaving a great emptiness, if not fierce hatred. That’s when it’s time to say goodbye, and a letter can sometimes be the most effective way of saying exactly how you feel and explaining why you’re leaving. Here are 6 examples of farewell letters, to say goodbye, ciao, or bye-bye to a loved one, but also to a friend or, more sadly, to a loved one who has died.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating?

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

6 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Apologize - They Hate Saying Sorry

I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness means I’m not exactly the most willing person when it comes to uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’, but I always push through my pride; although unfortunately, the same can’t be said for narcissists... Indeed, people who suffer from this personality disorder will simply never hold their hands up and accept responsibility for their actions, despite how deeply they’ve hurt your feelings. You know the idiom getting blood from a stone, right? Well, when it comes to apologies from these toxic personalities, nothing is more appropriate, and here are 6 reasons why!

Do Narcissists Always Come Back?

You're probably thinking that once a narcissist has upped sticks and fled, he'll never dare to show his face again, however, quite the opposite is true. The reality is that these folks are like bad smells, there's no getting rid of them quickly, therefore regardless of all the pain, hurt, and trauma they've put their victims through, they'll always make a comeback, just to prove that they are still in control. In fact, no matter how much time has passed, these torturous monsters will always eventually rear their ugly heads, just to get in that one last vicious blow. Discover which 10 circumstances they'll decide to show up in their exes' lives.

How Does A Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You?

You probably know by now that narcissists only ever look for one thing and one thing only; and that’s control! Whether in their personal or professional life, folks with this personality disorder need to be in the driving seat and the one calling the shots, otherwise all hell breaks loose. Although their cunning and manipulative nature means they are often hard to escape, it is still possible to turn the tables on them and take the upper hand. Yet, you’ll need a thick skin to do so because when they feel their power slipping away, they become even more dangerous and abusive; here’s how they react when that happens.

10 Signs The Narcissist Discarding Phase Has Been Activated

The most important thing to understand when dealing with a narcissist is that their reign of terror won't last forever. Now, whilst their torment underway, it will no doubt be one of the most harrowing things you can mentally go through. However, when the abuser decides they've had enough of you, they'll halt their horrific abuse in a heartbeat and look for someone else. People with narcissistic personality disorders are constantly on the lookout for new prey and when they find someone who fills their criteria, they'll move into the discarding phase of their plan. After all, they aren't very eco-friendly, their motto is out with the old, in with the new!

What Does A Narcissist Hate?

Narcissists are experts in the field of duping and manipulating their victims, yes, that’s right they are true chameleons, which explains why many of them often go undetected. Their behavior is definitely dangerous and means we definitely need to figure out what makes them tick and, in this particular case, what they hate. Understanding what these entitled personalities dislike is one of the keys to best exposing them and freeing their victims from their grip. Now, we all get angry for one reason or another, but people with this personality disorder have different triggers related to the things they despise.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?

Narcissists often get bad press, and although many of us try to see the best in most people, in their case, it can be extremely difficult to find. The truth is, folks with this personality disorder don’t exactly have many redeeming qualities that could potentially help to excuse and explain their borderline evil behavior. Plus, when it comes to love, their lack of empathy means they have next to no loyalty, which means many of them often end up cheating on their partners. Ladies, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, the alarm bells ought to be truly deafening.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist


  1. Only LoveBen Howard
  2. Let It BE - Beatles Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s)
  3. Fix YouColdplay
  4. Beautiful DayU2
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
  6. White FlagDido
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
  15. With Or Without YouU2
  16. HelloAdele
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
  19. WingsBirdy
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack