Intolerance To Frustration: When Disappointment Is Permanent

Last updated by Katie M.

Sometimes my emotions are topsy-turvy, and I can’t handle being frustrated. But this is nothing like who I used to be when I was completely intolerant of frustration. The result? I was in a constant state of disappointment, along with sadness and anger that I couldn’t deal with. This could have plunged me into very negative states and even prevented me from blossoming… So how can you overcome it? Let’s explain.

Intolerance To Frustration: When Disappointment Is Permanent
Contents: 

What does intolerance to frustration mean?

When you’re intolerant, it means you can’t stand something. I wish I’d have discovered a lactose intolerance rather than an intolerance to frustration (even though it can’t be easy to eliminate lactose from your life completely #teamcheese 🧀). Frustration is a negative emotion that can lead to stress or anger, even depression if it’s still a bad experience. So in the case of intolerance, no need to imagine how hard it is to be happy.

An over-protected childhood?

The older you get, the more you learn to deal with frustration. Nevertheless, I don’t think I was confronted with frustration enough, as my parents always did everything to satisfy me as a child. This is very commendable, but it did me no favors as I didn’t learn to master this unpleasant feeling, which generated a whole range of other, not very positive emotions. For a long time, I only fed on the latter, which led me to avoid all situations where I could feel frustration and disappointment, which meant I never left my comfort zone 😫.

Child

👉 You don’t have to frustrate your children at every turn, but teaching them to deal with this feeling is crucial. It’s even part of the principles of positive learning.

>>> Discover; How to better manage your emotions

Permanent disappointment, an obstacle to fulfillment

The problem with being intolerant to frustration is that we build ourselves up to avoid it and never face emotional discomfort. I’d even say that it makes us more fragile and susceptible to suffering. For example, what do we do when this kind of feeling comes up during crucial moments in life, such as when the sex of our future baby is announced?

👉 Personally, I even developed a character trait that I discovered while trying to understand my intolerance to frustration: impatience. Everything has to come quickly, just as I want it, which is of course impossible.

The inability to feel happy

All of this leads to just one thing: never being truly happy 😣. When we don’t get what we want, we remain eternally disappointed and can’t get past this. We come to have inordinate demands of ourselves and sometimes even of others, which hardly makes social relationships easy.

It was a turning point for me when I understood that my intolerance was leading me towards angst that was taking up too much space. Being constantly negative and not feeling the happiness of small achievements was too much to bear. I therefore decided to take matters into my own hands by trying to take a step back and get out of this permanent state of disappointment 😫.

You may be interested in this article >>> Why can I never see the positive?

How to overcome this intolerance?

The psychologist Michelle Larivey explained that the state of disappointment showed us two things:

  • Our dissatisfaction (which therefore reflects frustration),
  • The gap between our expectations and what actually happened.

So to overcome our intolerance and escape our disappointment, we need to act on these points.

1. Accepting our emotions of discomfort

We generally don’t take the time to analyze our feelings of discomfort. Of course, as they’re unpleasant to experience, we don’t want to dwell on them. But they can be precious indicators that enable us to adapt. 👉 Take fear, for example 😱. It’s difficult to live with, but it indicates a potential danger, which is a matter of our survival. It allows us to be alert, so we’re safe.

When we’re frustrated, we need to learn to identify what makes us angry or sad. What event put us in this state? Why did it make us feel that way?... We need to ask ourselves the right questions to confront with our emotions.

2. Lowering our expectations

Lowering your expectations is often seen as pejorative 👎. It’s true, we hear motivational speeches everywhere that tell us to raise the bar. Except this is toxic positivity, and it’s vital that we listen to our own rhythm.

Why? If you’re disappointment, it’s because you’ve made a mistake in assessing your objective. It’s not a question of under-evaluating yourself, but rather of taking it step by step. By setting a slow progress, it’s easier to evolve and see that it becomes a real driving force 🤗!

3. Finding another way of thinking

I’ve never had trouble tolerating other people’s mistakes, and have grown to be very open-minded of others. However, when it came to myself, I found it much more difficult. So I learned to detach myself and apply this same thought process to myself. I’m not saying that it always works well, but being kind to myself and accepting what was wrong did me a lot of good. Of course, getting over frustration, even disappointment, undeniably takes time.

It's not impossible, as long as we accept that not everything can go our way and that anger is healthy. The more we learn to digest it and bounce back, the easier it will be to get over it 👏!

>>> Discover the 6 primary emotions

Editor’s note: tolerance to frustration can be learned at any age!

The psychologist Didier Pleux warns about the threshold of tolerance to frustration, which continues to decrease in our societies, of individual fulfillment and pleasure. The quest for immediate satisfaction and pleasure, encouraged by digital technology, is leading to new pathologies. Still, according to Didier Pleux, these intolerant people are becoming more and more common and easily recognizable: adults who act like children and can’t stand the hardships of life. They want everything to be fun and reject traffic jams, queuing, etc. The same goes for relationships, as soon as frustration sets in, they prefer to leave rather than save their relationship. Fortunately, tolerance to frustration can be learned at any age through simple exercises and the implementation of new habits. Don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a coach.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
#BornToBeMe

Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Our most popular 'love yourself' articles:

Why Am I An Attention Seeker? - I Want All Eyes On Me!

Do you have an annoying habit of being constantly over the top just to get other people to notice you? Do you love being in the spotlight? If you've answered yes to the previous questions, you are definitely one of those people who live to attract the attention of others. At work, whilst out with friends or on social media, you no doubt always need to be front and center. And, even though this excessive behavior tends to harm you, you just can’t help yourself! This begs the question, where does this need come from? And, how can you rectify it before it’s too late?

Why Do I Constantly Need To Be In Control?

Wanting things to go well is perfectly normal, but sometimes this need for perfection can represent a huge barrier in our lives. Do you have trouble not giving in to the temptation of micromanaging everything in your life? Does leaving things to chance make you nervous and put you on edge? Where does your need to control everything come from? Letting go and becoming more easygoing will change everything for you and help you start living your best life. Discover how to let loose and free yourself from this need.

Why Do I Always Make The Wrong Decisions?

Life is all about choices. We all have to make decisions at some point and map out our path. Some of our choices are more important and decisive than others and can have a long-term impact. You’ve often regretted a decision, wanted to take it back, but have you taken the time to ask yourself, “Why do I always make the wrong choices?” Reading this article is a good decision.

Why Do I Need To Please At All Costs?

Is the gaze and approval of others essential for you? Are you incapable of saying no? Do you do everything you can to get yourself noticed? This excessive need to please may well be indicative of a profound uneasiness. Why do you need to feel validated by other people so much? And how can you free yourself from this oppressing tendency? We reveal everything you need to know for a more straightforward lifestyle.

Am I An Empath?

The best analogy my creative, or perhaps not so creative mind (I’ll let you be the judge of that) can come up with regard to empaths, is that they are emotional sponges. That’s right, these people are a complete breath of fresh air in an often cutting world, although this sadly exposes them to intense manipulation, and emotional abuse. Their inherent need to care for those they love means that they see the world differently, and also go above and beyond for their nearest and dearest. Do you often find yourself putting others first? Well, if that’s the case, you could be a true empath too! If you want to find out for sure, read on to confirm this intriguing hunch.

I Can’t Stand Constraints

As we grow up, we learn that constraints are part of life. We have to submit, obey, respect rules and when we play the game, those who refuse constraints appear as great free spirits, who are strong and brave. But if I don’t accept constraints, what does that really say about me? Am I really free or subject to my own inner tyrant?

Is It Possible To Change Your Habits In 21 Days?

Stop smoking, start meditating, get up earlier, etc. Personal development gurus promise to change our habits in a record time of 21 days. Are three short weeks really enough to change patterns that have sometimes been in place for years? We investigated for you.

Tattoo Therapy

I have just one tattoo, and it was real therapy for me. After the death of someone close to me, I decided to get the two lines of a poem she loved inked on me. I found out when I got my tattoo that it helped me to move on. So could getting a tattoo be a form of therapy like any other? How can an inking help us feel better psychologically and physically?

The Importance Of Questioning Yourself

I doubt myself a lot, questioning myself should be my strong point, but it’s not. Sometimes I can decentralize myself, even though there are still many areas where I question myself. For example, in conflicts, I don’t think that I act in the right way. Why is questioning yourself important? Can it really help us 🤔? All will be explained.

Everything You Need To Know About Being An Introvert

There are those who love to go out and to see people, those who laugh in public, and who have no trouble chatting to strangers, then, there’s me. I’m that person who prefers spending an evening reading or watching a series on my own. That’s right, I enjoy being in a quiet environment and often have issues reaching out to others. I’m what’s known as an introvert! Now, this isn't a big deal, but it's important to decipher this character trait in order to gain a better understanding of yourself.

It's all about self-love:

When Do You Become An Adult?

For a long time, I’ve asked myself the question, “when do you become an adult?”. That’s right, I was under the impression that when I came of age I would wake up and feel like an adult, but in fact, I didn’t at all. For many years I didn’t feel like an adult like my parents or other people did. And even now, at almost 32, I still wonder if I’ve really become an adult. So in the end, is there an age? How do you know when you’re an adult? All will be explained.

Why Do We Lie?

Come on, let's not kid ourselves (for once), we all embellish the truth at certain points! Admit it, we'd be lying if we denied it! Whether you're one of those people who make up stories without even realizing it or whether you occasionally let slip a little white lie, we’re all guilty of fabrication. But, have you ever asked yourself what is it that makes you turn to dishonesty and why you feel better afterward for doing it? Let’s check out the reasons together!

Limiting Beliefs

The sky is the limit…but is it really? We all have limiting thoughts that lie deep within us that prevent us from realizing our true potential. Whether we believe we aren't good enough, or smart enough, or even pretty enough, these horrible insecurities present huge barriers in our daily lives. Indeed, they are linked to a lack of self-confidence and can be very penalizing if they are never addressed. Don't you think it's time you took control? Our tips will help you feel better than ever and will give you the strength to overcome these self-imposed hurdles.

Cute Aggression

Have you heard of “the dimorphic expression of positive emotion”? No, so imagine: your best friend has just given birth, and she presents you with her fresh, pretty and cute newborn. You think he’s adorable, beautiful with his big eyes and his little cheeks. So cute that you want to smash him. Yes, yes, I said smash.

But Why Do I Blush?

A mundane, everyday situation. I arrive at my gym. The coach is in the middle of a conversation with a young man I don’t know. She takes the time to say hello to me (of course) and compliment me on my new haircut (nice) and the young man adds: “Indeed, nice haircut.” And then my face goes bright red and I slip away, embarrassed. To think that I didn’t have a mask to hide myself!

Self-Love Checklist

Life can be a bit of a rollercoaster, and whilst I'm sure we'd all agree that at times we are lucky enough to experience dizzying highs, at other points, we all go through gut-wrenching lows that really do bring us crashing down. Feeling good about ourselves 365 days a year is certainly a big ask, but it's definitely not impossible, and I'm proof of that! Psst, lean in, I want to let you into a secret! Whenever I'm feeling down or when my anxiety spins out of control, I take a look at my self-love checklist for inspiration and decide that it's time to make myself feel better about things.

Superego

Even if you don’t know anything about psychoanalysis, there’s one name we all know: Freud. In 1923, Freud published The Ego and the Id. In this work, Freud defined and developed the concept of the superego in parallel with the ego and the id. The superego would be our moral conscience. All will be explained.

“I Love Myself And It Feels Good”…

I sometimes say this sentence. There are days when I feel good and/or beautiful, so when I look in the mirror, I say, “I love myself” and it feels good. However, I’m sorely lacking in self-confidence. There are lots of things that make loving myself a rollercoaster ride, so today I decided to tell you all about it in this very intimate article. When self-love is a long path…

What Is Introspection?

I always thought I was in tune with myself and that I knew myself really well! That’s what I said to myself a few years ago before spending several weeks looking introspectively at my inner self. I realized that I wasn’t actually listening to my thoughts! From that point onwards, my journey of self-analysis hasn’t finished, and is still very much ongoing. There are benefits of introspection, so I will explain what it’s all about and above all give you tips to self-analyze successfully.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde