Self-love, a fluctuating relationship
One minute I’m fine, and I love myself, and the next I’m not fine at all, and I hate myself 😫. I’ve realized that self-love is a fluctuating relationship, which is never constant. As I explained in the article on body neutrality, it’s normal to have days with and days without. However, there are constant restrictions for us to love our bodies, our way of being, our personality… I don’t think it’s humanly possible to always be on top form 🤷♀️ (but if that’s the case for you, good for you 👏!).
>>> Discover; what is body dysmorphia?
The road to self-acceptance is long, we can’t do it with a click of our fingers. And even when we do manage to find a balance, there’s always that halftone. Nonetheless, this is true for every relationship, right?
A relationship like any other
When I think about any of my relationships, whether it’s a lover, friend or family, it’s never a smooth ride. There are days when relationships with others give me negative emotions… Well, it’s exactly the same with my body or how I am. I’ve learned to tell myself that my relationship with myself was just like any other social relationship. Taking this step back helps me to put things into perspective and remind myself that it’s normal, even if it’s always easier said than done, of course 😬!
Loving yourself, a societal problem
At the moment, I love myself moderately… if at all 😖. It’s mostly because of my appearance, as I’ve put on weight again. As we live in a fatphobic society that demonizes fat bodies, I feel bad. It’s a daily job to break away from societal norms. In many people’s minds, fat = ugly, but I’ve learned to break that down. In fact, our relationship with ourselves depends on what we were taught, it fluctuates depending on whether we’re more or less able to detach ourselves from stereotypes.
Building yourself with kindness
To love yourself, I think it’s vital that you detach yourself from what others think. In particular, the male gaze! In a heteronormative society, we’re always trying to please men as cisgender women, but it’s important to please yourself first. That’s why I like the LGBTAQIA+ movement because self-discovery comes first. Many think it’s stupid to claim your sexuality or to talk about your gender and trans identity. I think on the contrary that it’s vital to do so as it can help us to feel fulfilled.
💖 It’s a movement of acceptance and deconstruction that advocates healthy and caring values that push us to reveal and accept ourselves. I think that it’s good to build on these new ideas.
>>> This article might interest you; Why can I only see the negative?
As soon as you accept that “loving yourself” is a fluctuating notion and that you free yourself from norms, you can more easily say, “I love myself!” When this happens to me, it’s a real rush of pleasure, and it gives me a boost. I make sure to seize this type of moment to push myself because when I love myself, I feel like I’ve got wings 🙌! I hope everyone will know this feeling and learn self-love 🤗.
By the way, we shouldn’t neglect the little gestures that can put us in a positive mood. Sometimes, choosing the right clothes is enough to feel confident (at least it does for me whenever I wear my favorite dress)! I also love myself when I’m able to get rid of my impostor syndrome and dare to do new things! What a feeling of pride when I look back.
All of this also helps me when I’m going through a tough time and when self-love is a distant concept. I rely on my memories and my values to feel better. Each to their own, and I hope that you’ll find yours, so you come to love yourself 🥰!
Editor’s note: Loving yourself is living affectionately with yourself
Self-love is a vast subject that touches on the intimate. It’s often a long path to learn to love ourselves as we are. But for self-love to be meaningful, for it to push us forward, it needs to be accompanied by lucidity. In other words, being able to recognize both your qualities and your weaknesses, your limits and your dark sides. This is the only way you’ll be able to transform them into something good for yourself. There’s also a notion of friendship towards yourself, as the psychologist Nicole Prieur explains to us: “Aristotle was very keen on the notion of friendship for oneself. Centuries later, it still seems to be as meaningful and valid! Loving yourself is actually living affectionately with yourself, it’s about wishing yourself well, accepting the good things that happen to you, showing gentleness, even tenderness, to yourself.” If you’re unable to show kindness to yourself, if you lack self-confidence or if you simply feel bad, don’t hesitate to contact a coach to work on this point together.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
Be sure to check out these articles too;