1. Resilience
“Resilience is the art of navigating torrents.” Boris Cyrulnik, neuropsychiatrist.
Resilience is the capacity we have to bounce back from life’s trials and tribulations and rebuild ourselves after going through difficult times. It’s an inner strength that enables us to adapt and overcome the traumas and obstacles we encounter along the way.
I showed resilience after the death of my mother, because I picked myself up and continued to live despite the grief and trauma of her loss. It was very hard and that doesn’t mean I didn’t suffer, but I was able to ask for help to get through this ordeal and get back on my feet 💔.
👋 This article may help you: The 5 stages of grief
2. Self-confidence
Having self-confidence means believing in your own ability to overcome obstacles and achieve your goals. I admit that I still find it hard to believe in myself and act with confidence 🤐. I know this is something important to develop because we shouldn’t let ourselves get discouraged. We’re able to recognize our qualities without becoming arrogant, and then... We don’t need to put others down to feel valued.
Psychologist Albert Bandura has stressed the importance of self-efficacy, which is linked to self-confidence. To increase it, we can:
- 👉 Set realistic goals,
- 👉 Encourage ourselves rather than criticize ourselves,
- 👉 Get out of our comfort zone regularly.
We therefore give ourselves the means to become the protagonist of our own life and to achieve our full potential.
3. Realistic optimism
Ah, seeing the glass half full, rather than half empty 🥃! It’s a superpower of psychologically strong people. When you’re a realistic optimist, you choose to focus on the positive aspects of a situation, without denying the difficulties or obstacles that arise.
It’s important to bear this last point in mind, because you shouldn’t be toxically positive, either. Personally, I find it hard to put this in place, not least because I have an anxiety disorder 😔. When you have a mental illness that torments you, it’s normal to find it difficult being optimistic.
👋 You may be interested in this article: The toast theory, or how to look on the bright side of thing
4. Self-control
Managing your emotions is a key skill for dealing with everyday challenges calmly and effectively. We don’t get carried away by our impulsive reactions, but choose to respond in a way that is appropriate to the situation. This doesn’t mean trying to suppress or deny your emotions, but rather learning to welcome them and channel them constructively.
As Christophe André points out, self-control isn’t a constraint, but a freedom. For a long time, I was a slave to my emotions, but thanks to therapy I’ve learned to welcome and listen to them, which has calmed me down. Self-control brings real personal fulfillment 😊! You give yourself the means to face emotional storms with greater calmness and wisdom.
5. Autonomy
By this, I mean that when we’re autonomous (and not emotionally dependent), we don’t rely on others to make ourselves feel better. We know how to solve our own problems, and we can make decisions for ourselves, without being swallowed up by our fears. Of course, we have the right to ask for help or advice, but we know how to remain in control of our decisions and set our own limits 🤗.
According to Carl Rogers, one of the founders of the humanistic approach in psychology, when we develop our autonomy, we learn to know and accept ourselves as we are, with our strengths and weaknesses. We become more authentic and truer to ourselves. We stop living to satisfy other people’s expectations or to conform to external standards.
6. Clear values
Having clear values means knowing what really matters to you, what gives meaning to your life. When we’ve identified our deepest values, we have an inner compass that guides us in our choices and actions. Whether it’s honesty, kindness, creativity, commitment... our values are a reflection of who we are and what we want to bring to the world.
👉 They give our lives direction and help us to remain true to ourselves, even in difficult times. When we act according to our values, we feel deep satisfaction, a sense of alignment and fulfillment.
7. Acceptance
Jon Kabat-Zinn, the creator of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program, often uses the metaphor of surfing to illustrate the importance of acceptance. He explains that “you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf” 🏄♀️. In other words, in life there will always be challenges, irritation and emotional storms.
That’s what acceptance is all about. It’s recognizing that there are things in life that we can’t change, like the past, the actions of others, or certain external circumstances. Rather than resisting or rebelling against this reality, we choose to welcome it with openness and serenity.
8. Flexibility
Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy, explains that “psychological flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances and think differently in new situations”.
In other words, being flexible means being able to break out of your usual patterns of thinking and look at things from a different angle. It means being able to question your beliefs and interpretations, integrate new information and change your perspective. It’s also about being open-minded, adapting and putting judgement aside!
9. Continual learning
When we adopt lifelong learning, we never consider that we’ve finished learning, that we already know everything there is to know. On the contrary, we recognize that there’s always something to discover, expand on, and improve. We don’t rest on our laurels, but constantly seek to broaden our knowledge and develop new skills.
The psychologist Carol Dwerck, who has spoken of a “growth mindset”, explains that this enables us not to be discouraged by difficulties or failures. When you have this ability, nothing’s set in stone and everything can change 💪!
Editor’s note: It’s not something you’re born with!
If you don’t feel you have any of these strengths, don’t panic. Mental strength isn’t innate, it’s something you work on every day through the choices you make and the attitude you adopt. If you’re suffering and want to improve in order to be more at peace with yourself, you can choose to see one of our therapists. Through therapy, you can tap into your inner resources to build (or rebuild!) yourself.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
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