There’s a situation that often happens to me: I’m in a restaurant, and I’ve got the menu in my hands, and it takes me ages to decide what to order. The amount of choice and my love of food confuse me, I’m afraid of choosing the wrong dish and regretting it. This is just for a dinner, but honestly I experience this in many situations. Why can’t I make a decision? I’ve delved into the subject because I know a lot of people are wondering the same thing!
The example I cited in my introduction is a good illustration of what the psychologist Barry Schwartz said: “The more options there are, the harder it is to choose, and the more likely we are to regret once we’ve chosen”. What does this mean 🤨? It’s a fear of failure, as another therapist Susan Jeffers explains, even for trivial things like choosing a dish. We’re afraid of making a mistake, hurting others, failing, or even succeeding.
But indecision isn’t just about the fear of making the wrong choice. People who are particularly perfectionists will very often be paralyzed. Why? Because we want the IDEAL decision! If we’re in doubt, we’d rather not choose 😅...
📌 Let me take the restaurant example again. I have a large choice and I want to make the best possible decision so that I’ve “invested” my money well and had a good time tasting the food. If I don’t meet these two criteria, I’ll feel like I’ve made a mistake and the restaurant outing will have been a failure. Yes, I’ll take it that far! And I won’t even tell you what it’s like when it’s time to make a decision with far more serious consequences 😖... |
👋 You may be interested in this article: How to overcome the fear of love
Putting off a decision, especially a difficult one, can be called procrastination. At any rate, psychologist Piers Steel explains that it’s even an avoidance strategy, because you’re emotionally uncomfortable. You don’t know what to do, you’re stressed, so you put it off 😅. It’s more comfortable at the time, but in reality, all you’re doing is going round in circles, going over the same questions again and again without moving forward.
Not to mention that it’s a vicious circle, because the longer you wait, the more insurmountable the decision becomes. If you decide from the outset, you can quickly get rid of this mental burden. I’m not saying you should rush into it, but once you’ve got the essentials, you need to take the plunge or risk making the situation worse 🙁!
Now that we know “why”, let’s talk about “how”. It takes a hell of a lot of letting go to accept imperfection and uncertainty. We often get worked up over nothing (like a certain someone in a restaurant 🤐), when the decision often isn’t even important! In fact, psychiatrist Christophe André says that to make a decision quickly, you need to start with the simple parts of life:
👉 Instead of procrastinating for a quarter of an hour choosing my dish, now I give myself 1 or 2 minutes to make my choice. What’s more, I’m starting to get to know myself well, and I naturally know what I enjoy.
Finally, the psychiatrist advises people to work on their self-confidence, to become more self-assured and effective. The more confident we are, the more confident we’ll be in our decisions!
And what if we’re wrong 😱? Well, that’s okay, we’ll have learned something. As the saying goes, “practice makes perfect”. Every decision, good or bad, helps us progress. So let’s get on with it, take a deep breath, and embark on the adventure of life, one decision at a time!
Editor’s note: Accepting disappointmentAs you’ve understood, if you can’t make a choice, you’re probably afraid of disappointing yourself and losing something at the same time. But every decision can lead to a change, even a bad one! At least you’ll know what doesn’t suit you. The more time goes by, the more you’ll be able to make decisions, because you’ll develop a good knowledge of yourself. However, if you can’t get past what’s blocking you, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional about it and work on it. Don’t hesitate to get in touch with one of our psychologists! 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Rosie, Harlow
"Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. For as long as I can remember, I have always used paper as a punching bag. Get to know me, I am Rosie Harlow."
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