I’m Very Modest; But Is My Bashfulness Holding Me Back?

Last updated by Katie M.

The truth is I’ve never ever been the type of person who throws everything out there. I hate talking about my feelings, relationships and personal life and will always try to deflect these questions! For me, modesty is a barrier that I’ve always chosen to put up in order to keep people at arm’s length. The bottom line is, I want to keep things private and don’t believe that everyone needs to know absolutely everything about me. I like to closely control what I put out into the world, but where does my modesty come from? Fear of judgement? Shyness? Mistrust? Let’s explore all of these possibilities and get to the bottom of this conundrum.

I’m Very Modest; But Is My Bashfulness Holding Me Back?
Contents: 

Being modest at a time when modesty is no longer fashionable

Let's face it, today modesty seems to be an old-fashioned value that’s no longer compatible with the age of social media and internet. In this day and age, it’s all about showing off what you have and how successful and popular you are. Being modest and bashful is therefore to be old-fashioned and often leads people to feel out of sync and excluded. I’m definitely guilty of being one of those people who worry themselves sick about having to go to the gynecologist or to any kind of medical appointment that involves taking my clothes off.

>>> Discover why I always feel guilty

I use modesty as a way of defending myself

Revealing oneself, whether it be one's body or one's soul, is always a risky situation. For some; including me, the risk is simply too great, especially when the prospect of being judged appears. When judgement and fear are thrown into the mix, modesty then becomes a defense mechanism. It is impossible to show one's body or emotions. Emotions, feelings, reveal who we are and by showing them, I show other people who I am and who I am may not please others.

Hidden away but not happy

Suffering from extreme modesty means we can’t possibly be happy in who we are. Wanting to preserve ourselves and remain in our bubbles is one thing, but not being able to let our hair down and live our best lives is another. So, what if this feeling came from the idea of being shamed for being our authentic selves? Body confidence issues also make an appearance here and feed into the idea of not conforming to set standards which prevent us from loving and appreciating ourselves.

>>> Learn how to love your body thanks to these tips

The struggle to love our bodies

The way we look at ourselves and judge our appearance depends heavily on our past experiences. We are more willing to open up and show ourselves if we have a positive self-image or if we have been encouraged to do so. To go from hyper modesty to healthy modesty requires us to stop fighting and to learn to accept oneself. We are talking about our bodies, of course, but also about ourselves. Of course, self-confidence plays a key role here. Indeed, accepting one's qualities and flaws is the key to freeing oneself and learning to be happy.

How can you become less modest?

Put your finger on what’s blocking you

Do you know where your need for modesty comes from? Whether it is complexes, a lack of confidence, bad experiences or anything else, if this extreme modesty is blocking your daily life, it may be interesting to look for what exactly is behind it in order to achieve a better feeling. A therapist can help you.

The next step is taking care of yourself

We are the only ones who can make ourselves feel safe. The gaze of others will always be a problem if we do not manage to reassure ourselves. It is therefore necessary to dare to look at yourself, to look at your body, to look at yourself naked in a mirror is already a first step, then spend time taking care of yourself. Do sports, take care of your body, and love yourself madly, make love to yourself, masturbate.

>>> Here is an article that you might like: Female masturbation: the keys to our pleasure

Learn to trust

To gain confidence in yourself takes time, but you must also learn to trust others beforehand. Believe in their compliments, believe in their choices, etc. No one is forcing themselves to tell you that you are beautiful or to stay with you.

Is modesty a good thing?

Yes, modesty is the virtue of the lukewarm and by modesty, we mean moderation and restraint in the appreciation of oneself and one's qualities. A person filled with humility neither increases nor denies their assets and weaknesses, yet remains fair. Humility is a virtue, and to sum up, external and surface modesty is more of a social convention, while internal and deep humility expresses the truth of oneself. In fact, modesty is more of a social convention, and humility is the truth about oneself. And so, modesty is an attitude by which one does not put oneself above things and others, by which, also, one respects the qualities that one possesses.

The editor's opinion: It's all about balance

As you can see, modesty is a very useful protection for some people, but beware, it can be counterproductive too, or even downright disabling. As always in life, it's all about balance! If this modesty prevents you from doing or saying certain things in your daily life, then it is time to turn to a psychologist in order to find solutions together.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

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