Being modest at a time where modesty is no longer fashionable
Let's face it, today modesty seems to be an old-fashioned value that’s no longer compatible with the age of social media and internet. In this day and age, it’s all about showing off what you have and how successful and popular you are. Being modest and bashful is therefore to be old-fashioned and often leads people to feel out of sync and excluded. I’m definitely guilty of being one of those people who worry themselves sick about having to go to the gynecologist or to any kind of medical appointment that involves taking my clothes off.
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I use modesty as a way of defending myself
Revealing oneself, whether it be one's body or one's soul, is always a risky situation. For some; including me, the risk is simply too great, especially when the prospect of being judged appears. When judgement and fear are thrown into the mix, modesty then becomes a defense mechanism. It is impossible to show one's body or emotions. Emotions, feelings, reveal who we are and by showing them, I show other people who I am and who I am may not please others.
Hidden away but not happy
Suffering from extreme modesty means we can’t possibly be happy in who we are. Wanting to preserve ourselves and remain in our bubbles is one thing, but not being able to let our hair down and live our best lives is another. So, what if this feeling came from the idea of being shamed for being our authentic selves? Body confidence issues also make an appearance here and feed into the idea of not conforming to set standards which prevent us from loving and appreciating ourselves.
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The struggle to love our bodies
The way we look at ourselves and judge our appearance depends heavily on our past experiences. We are more willing to open up and show ourselves if we have a positive self-image or if we have been encouraged to do so. To go from hyper modesty to healthy modesty requires us to stop fighting and to learn to accept oneself. We are talking about our bodies, of course, but also about ourselves. Of course, self-confidence plays a key role here. Indeed, accepting one's qualities and flaws is the key to freeing oneself and learning to be happy.
How can you become less modest?
Put your finger on what’s blocking you
Do you know where your need for modesty comes from? Whether it is complexes, a lack of confidence, bad experiences or anything else, if this extreme modesty is blocking your daily life, it may be interesting to look for what exactly is behind it in order to achieve a better feeling. A therapist can help you.
The next step is taking care of yourself
We are the only ones who can make ourselves feel safe. The gaze of others will always be a problem if we do not manage to reassure ourselves. It is therefore necessary to dare to look at yourself, to look at your body, to look at yourself naked in a mirror is already a first step, then spend time taking care of yourself. Do sports, take care of your body, and love yourself madly, make love to yourself, masturbate.
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Learn to trust
To gain confidence in yourself takes time, but you must also learn to trust others beforehand. Believe in their compliments, believe in their choices, etc. No one is forcing themselves to tell you that you are beautiful or to stay with you.
The editor's opinion: It's all about balance
As you can see, modesty is a very useful protection for some people, but beware, it can be counterproductive too, or even downright disabling. As always in life, it's all about balance! If this modesty prevents you from doing or saying certain things in your daily life, then it is time to turn to a psychologist in order to find solutions together.
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