Hi Mom? It’s me again!
I guess it started when I left home to go and live abroad. And even then, we didn’t call each other every day. Now I live with my partner and child, about 20 minutes away from my parents, and I call my mother almost every day. The funny thing is that I hate making phone calls. I send lots of messages, but the person I call for anything and everything is my mom (especially as she’s more likely to pick up than other people!)💨.
Complaints, pride, and gossip
When work stresses me out, when I have a fight with a girlfriend, when my son says “digger” for the first time, or when my grandmother is acting up again, it’s a reflex, I give her a call. Sometimes it’s nice, it feels good to get some sympathy, to feel supported, and to see her invested in my life. And she’s also my best bitching partner. She’s often the first person I call when I feel like criticizing someone we know. Sometimes I clearly regret calling her. When I’m worried, but she monopolizes the conversation when she doesn’t take my side, or even when she’s outright against me and I become the target of criticism 😤. My mother is outspoken and can quickly turn into a toxic mother. When that happens, I hang up as soon as possible and distance myself through silence. The phone diet 📵.
>>> Read; Do we have to love our parents?
- For our own good, we sometimes need to hang up and cut everything off. -
Not a cord, but a bond
This is what constitutes phone calls between my mother and me. Some galvanizing moments, some calming, others hurtful. In the end, it’s the same as any other relationship. The difference is that my mom has always been part of my life. This is normal, you may say. Normal yes, but not definitive. I’m an independent adult. I listen to her opinions, her advice, we debate, and I end up making my own choices. There’s no hold over me. Especially as it doesn’t just work one way. When I’m feeling blue, I sometimes need my mom to cheer me up (and sometimes I need to do anything but call her), but sometimes it’s up to me to get her back on track, when she’s struggling to take a step back from a situation.
The phone between us is a bond, not a cord that we weren’t able to cut ✂️. No one suffers from this situation, and neither of us is dependent on it. It’s just a way of enjoying each other, a way of living our relationship and loving each other. It’s a relationship that I used to observe when I was a little girl between my mother and grandmother. They phoned each other every day, too. My grandmother was a very cold person, and I think that was her way of showing her attachment. She’s passed away, but the family is still there and that’s how it stays together, too 👵👩🦳👩.
I exchange, I’m not making up for something
Is it normal to call your mother every day or almost? There’s no answer to this question. Everyone has their own barometer. The relationship I have with my mother today is much calmer than it was several years ago. Quite simply, because neither of us encroaches upon the other, we’re not filling any gaps, we exchange news, advice, rumors, nonsense, etc.
Calling each other almost every day makes us happy because we feel like we’re succeeding. Succeeding at being a good mother and a good daughter. There are rifts, of course, so we yell at each other, I sulk, we avoid each other, and then we meet again, until the next time.
Editor's opinion: Because we all need help and advice
Every story and every family are unique. It has its own experiences, its own pains, its own rifts, and its own little habits. Calling your mother every day is OK if no one suffers from it and everyone’s happy with it. If, on the other hand, this situation is a source of discomfort, if you feel bad and experience it as an obligation, then certain things need to be changed, but it’s not easy. Don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a psychologist in order to take stock of your family history and put in place new habits that will make you happier.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
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