“You’ve never experienced REAL fatigue if you don’t have children”
In my introduction, I said that I’d never heard of this term and for good reason, as it’s a very recent one. It appeared on social media to talk about mothers who hijack other people’s conversations to bring the subject back to their experience as a mother.
👉 A sentence that perfectly illustrates my point is the following: “You’ve never experienced real fatigue if you don’t have children.”
This sentence. How many times have I heard this sentence after complaining about how tired I was. I’ve always kept quiet, telling myself that indeed I don’t know anything about parenthood. However, I think I’m getting a bit fed up with hearing it, this sentence and all the others too 😓.
👋 You may be interested in this article: I don't want to leave my baby...
Minimizing experiences and emotions outside parenthood
In fact, what annoys me about mommy jacking is that everything is related to children especially the ordeal that is parenthood, even though it’s not the subject. It minimizes the experiences and emotions of those who aren’t parents, and I can’t stand it 🙄.
- 🌴 We post a photo of our holiday? Our pal Caro replies in the comments: “Enjoy before you have kids!”
- 👹 We complain about a problem at work? Caro answers back: “You think that’s hard? You haven’t had a teething baby yet!”
- 💩 We talk about our latest date? Caro brings the conversation back to her son, who did his first poo in his potty.
In fact, it’s exhausting when mothers monopolize conversations by only talking about their child and above all ignoring the experiences and emotions of others. Maybe we’ve never experienced the fatigue of being a mother, but the emotional fatigue of depression is just as terrible 🤕....
And what about the dads?
Of course, fathers do the same thing, you could call it “parental jacking”, but I find it an even more exacerbated phenomenon in women for one simple reason... |
👋 Maybe they’re afraid of losing their friends after having a child?
Women conditioned to be mothers
Indeed, this behavior is often found in women, quite simply because as little girls we’re brought up to become mothers.
From our earliest childhood, we’re made to understand that motherhood is the fulfillment of our lives as women. So much so that not wanting a child is shameful. Or that maternal regret is truly taboo 😅.
A concrete example given by Arte in its video is the announcement of the death in 2013 of the scientist Yvonne Brill. Before talking about her brilliant career, the article talks about her husband and her son, who said she was the “best mum”. And only after that does the article go on to talk about what she was best known for...
The need to bring motherhood into question
On the one hand, even though I find mummy jacking horrifying, I can’t fully blame the mothers who do it. We’re so conditioned to make motherhood our biggest life goal... I understand these women and I know that becoming a mother is quite an ordeal, one that changes us fundamentally.
So of course, I wouldn’t shout “stop going on about your kid” (even though sometimes the urge is present 😬), but I tell myself that if I were in their shoes, I’d probably behave in the same way, such is the extent to which women subconsciously integrate the principles of patriarchal society.
Nevertheless, I wanted to write this article to remind you that it’s a good idea not to make everything about you, your experience and your motherhood.
I know that’s how we’re brought up, but when someone talks about their experience such as their tiredness, it’s important not to minimize it by comparing it to what we’re experiencing. Let’s show empathy to each other, deconstruct ourselves and listen to each other. And if motherhood is painful, and you can’t tolerate listening to someone talk about their experience, it may be important to ask for help.
Editor’s note: A little mental health check-up?If you find yourself monopolizing every conversation with the exploits of your offspring, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself a few questions. No, I’m not suggesting that you enter a competition to see who can say the most about their children, but rather that you consider seeing a psychologist. Sometimes a little mental health check-up isn’t a bad thing. It might help you understand why you feel the need to turn every apéritif into an episode of “Baby Boom”. Understanding is the first step towards solving the problem.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
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