The Microaggressions That We Have To Deal With On Daily Basis

Last updated by Katie M.

"Are you on your period or what?" This useless, hurtful and humiliating remark throws my anger into overdrive. Yes, that’s right, we're talking about microaggressions; you know, those little phrases, which are either clumsy or deliberate, that hurt and constitute violence in everyday life. We’ve all no doubt experienced them at one point or another, but that doesn’t mean we ever truly get used to them and the pain they cause. Here's how you need to react with them.

The Microaggressions That We Have To Deal With On Daily Basis

"You look tired, don't you?", "Where are you from? Really.", "Did you come alone again?" small phrases that have a big impact.

Attacks on our appearances, our origins and our love lives are all phrases that hurt, yet they are nesting everywhere and can come out of anyone’s mouth. And I mean anyone. Victims of our prejudices (unconscious or not) or of our habits, have we never, ourselves, uttered these sentences that kill? Whether it’s out of clumsiness or by cruelty, we are all likely one day to be the rude person who makes other people feel awkward.

But beware, because even if we are talking about microaggressions, their impact is maximum! Because microaggressions are not a frontal attack, they are underhanded, sometimes they don't even seem to want to hurt us. It is therefore directly classified in the passive-aggressive attitudes. It is impossible to enter into an open conflict with someone who seems to be "just" making a point or asking a question.

>>> This article may help you: 10 signs to recognize a passive-aggressive behavior

Once is fine, twice is too much

It's like many things, the phrase that hurts only really hurts when it becomes systematic and/or repetitive. If someone makes a remark like "you like to eat, don't you!" or "you're still single, should you make more effort?" Well, it turns out that when faced with a remark one can handle, or even excuse, the person they are talking to. Faced with the same remark repeated by the same interlocutor or by various people, the effect will of course be worsened with at the key, anger, irritation, feeling of being hurt, but also loss of self-confidence, feeling of inferiority, etc.

đź’€ How should you reply to these hurtful remarks?

What about an answer that lacks subtlety? Perhaps. Nevertheless, an answer that slams and has the right tone is perhaps necessary. But I have to admit that not all of us are capable of formulating this type of response when we feel attacked by a sentence or a question. In order to react properly, we need to know whether we are dealing with a perfidious person who is trying to hurt us or simply with an awkward person. The ideal is, in both cases, to avoid conflict. Therefore, one can use humor or question their interlocutor.

➡ Faced with a sneaky remark, if for example during a meal someone asks you, "are you sure you want a refill?" you can turn the situation around by asking them why they are asking you this question, is it because you think I am fat? Is it because you think I should watch my weight? You don't even necessarily need to go into detail, but simply by asking the other person about their remark, you force them to face their prejudices.

How to avoid badly reacting to these phrases?

As mom often told us, it’s best to bite your tongue before speaking and also to ask yourself questions. Think to yourself; when I make certain remarks or ask questions, what am I looking for? Do I want to hurt the other person? Do I want to be nice? But in this case, am I not being clumsy, offensive? Why do I say what I say, am I driven by a prejudice? These questions are intended to help us fight against prejudice, since it is the culprit in this type of microaggression. We must try to understand how violent it is to assign a person to our own prejudices.


Note: In a relationship, during moments of tension, we should avoid throwing this type of hurtful phrases around, such as: "you're just like your mother" or "I understand why your ex left you", which in fact only aim at sparking arguments, let's admit it. In general, with positive communication, you get much better results!


â›” With all this, we say to ourselves that the spontaneity of the exchanges can be seriously affected, so we just have to remember that everyone makes blunders, so it is better to apologize, learn from them and move on. And then, playing devil's advocate, we can also think that the world is full of people we don't care about hurting, because we want to keep our freedom of tone. It's audible, just be careful and ensure that you are perfect beforehand.


The opinion of the editors: Verbalize your feelings

Don't hesitate to express your feelings in order to make the other person understand that their remark has hurt you. Your interlocutor is not necessarily aware of it. And if you are hurt too often, then it is time to contact a coach to understand where this discomfort comes from and how to better face these situations.

Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Comments

I agree!

Read our latest articles here:

The Temperamental Type

I’ve never described myself as temperamental. But I’ve never had a problem associating that word with my father. As I get older, I’m afraid of becoming like him, so will I adopt the same behavior as him? In fact, how can we define a temperamental person? How can we recognize one? What are their origins? So many questions that I asked myself and for which I found my answers that I’ll share with you. Let’s explain.

Am I An Empath?

The best analogy my creative, or perhaps not so creative mind (I’ll let you be the judge of that) can come up with regard to empaths, is that they are emotional sponges. That’s right, these people are a complete breath of fresh air in an often cutting world, although this sadly exposes them to intense manipulation, and emotional abuse. Their inherent need to care for those they love means that they see the world differently, and also go above and beyond for their nearest and dearest. Do you often find yourself putting others first? Well, if that’s the case, you could be a true empath too! If you want to find out for sure, read on to confirm this intriguing hunch.

Is Taking A Break In A Relationship The Secret To Saving It?

Sometimes a relationship is a long quiet river, and sometimes it's a rocky disaster from start to finish. Although, when things hit a rough patch and don’t go the way we wanted them to, we might consider taking a break in order to smooth things out. The idea of taking a break was probably made famous in Friends with Ross and Rachel’s tumultuous relationship, but is it actually the solution? Is taking time apart from the one your partner the secret to crossing your love crisis, or will it push you further apart?

Should I Stay Friends With My Ex, Or Cut Them Out Of My Life?

At a time when people’s love lives are multiplying by the second, we sometimes find ourselves with exes that we don’t really know what to do with. Which category should we assign them to? For some this situation is a source of intense pain meaning blocking and deleting them become our only option, however, others prefer to remain in contact and even go on to become good friends. Everything really depends on how things ended and if anyone was at fault. Although, even if you ended up being betrayed, can you possibly get over these feelings?

Should I Come Clean About Cheating On My Partner?

Um, now this is definitely a very tricky subject. Recently, I slipped up and let my desires and libido get the best of me. Yes, that's right, I gave into the passion and ended up cheating on my partner and the problem is I don't know what to do about it. If, like me, you are in this awkward position, the question is what do you do now? An affair is serious business and isn’t to be taken lightly. Should I come clean and confess my unfaithfulness or, should I take the silent road and keep this mistake to myself? Let’s take a look at both options. Plus, let's interpret what dreaming about cheating means!

Why Do I Feel Guilty All The Time? And, What Can I Do About It?

Are you the type of person who constantly feels the need to apologize without having done anything wrong? Would you for example feel bad about being late to a meeting if your car broke down on the way? Do things that are totally out of your control make you feel terrible about yourself? We all perceive guilt differently, and some of us are far more susceptible to feeling culpable than others. We reveal where this tendency comes from and what you can do to learn to shake it off. It's time you freed yourself from these self-imposed shackles of guilt!

Why Am I An Attention Seeker? - I Want All Eyes On Me!

Do you have an annoying habit of being constantly over the top just to get other people to notice you? Do you love being in the spotlight? If you've answered yes to the previous questions, you are definitely one of those people who live to attract the attention of others. At work, whilst out with friends or on social media, you no doubt always need to be front and center. And, even though this excessive behavior tends to harm you, you just can’t help yourself! This begs the question, where does this need come from? And, how can you rectify it before it’s too late?

Are You Scared Of Success?

Amid the fear of failing hides another fear that is less often spoken about, and that's the fear of succeeding. Doing well isn’t necessarily the key to happiness, that’s why there may be times when we fear it. Although it might seem strange, when we start to achieve our personal goals, we open ourselves up to a wave of new emotions that aren't exactly always easy to deal with. When we are caught off guard by our results, we often go into panic mode and struggle with this concept, however that's not to say we should let this hold us back.

Is Flirting Cheating, Or Just Harmless Fun?

The question of faithfulness and the boundaries regarding this notion often crop up in relationships, and aren't just exclusively reserved for new couples. We all have different opinions on what constitutes betraying our partner's trust, but does flirting really make the list? After all, we all like a few spicy thrills in our lives, regardless of whether we're taken or not. Making eyes at George, another parent at my kid's school, when I drop them off in the morning is part of my daily routine, so is that really classed as being unfaithful or not? The answer is simple: it depends!

7 Sex Tips for Women - Transform Your Love Making

Sex should be enjoyable and sensual, not something we do reluctantly to please our partner every so often. It needs to be something that makes us feel good as well as satisfy our desires. Many of us struggle to enjoy those complicit moments beneath the sheets because we are battling body image issues, for example, or aren't 100% comfortable in ourselves. Our advice will help you overcome your sexual barriers, because after all, everyone deserves amazing climatic experiences in the bedroom.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to soothe an anxiety attack