I’m Too Solitary To Be In A Relationship! A Misconception?

Last updated by Lauren Hart

I’m a solitary person, but I’ve never thought of myself as too solitary to be in a relationship, especially because I don’t suffer from it. At least, I didn’t suffer from it all the time, and it allowed me to find a balance through my different experiences, whether in love or on my own. I also understood the aspects that were essential for a love story to work, even if you have a solitary character. Let me explain!

I’m Too Solitary To Be In A Relationship! A Misconception?

Being solitary isn’t a problem

I’m an introvert, which means that I’m more comfortable alone or with a small group of people than with a lot of people around me. I think a lot of solitary people are introverts like me. There are still a lot of clichés that weigh heavily on us, we’re seen as hardened shy people, who are a bit strange and who can’t adapt to the world. Fortunately, people are beginning to realize that it’s not a defect to like solitude. It’s not a problem to be solitary, especially when solitude is chosen 😌!

Chosen or suffered solitude

The first thing to ask yourself is: is solitude chosen or suffered? Because it’s not at all the same thing when taking into account the notion of a relationship!

👉 In the case of the former, you can enjoy spending time alone, without giving up a connection with others.

👉 In the case of the latter, you have to decide to overcome the suffered solitude and ask for help from a therapist to get over it. Indeed, it’s difficult to make this journey without guidance, to understand the withdrawal into yourself.

A solitary person who has chosen to be so can give a lot in love, which isn’t the case for someone who suffers from solitude. Now that this point has been clarified, I would like to reassure you that it’s possible to find a balance. You have to clarify several dimensions before getting into a relationship and find the right fit for you for it to work, but nothing is impossible, even for solitary people 🤗.

>>> Read; I'm too solitary in a relationship

Finding love as a solitary person

There’s no ready-made solution to finding love as a solitary person 😶. However, you need to ask yourself the right questions to know if it’s a desire or a need. It comes down to whether it’s chosen or suffered solitude, but it’s an essential concept. A person who chooses moments to isolate themselves still has a social circle: friends, family, and colleagues. They have learned to juggle this world with their bubble, but they may have a desire to find someone interesting to love and to share projects with.

👉 The problem is when this desire turns into a need to relieve solitude. It’s important to learn to love your solitude, but more importantly, learn to love yourself. You shouldn’t need someone else to thrive and feel good, otherwise, it means it’s a relationship being held together with a plaster 🤕.

Have things in common

I think the key to enduring being in a relationship while having a solitary nature is to find someone who is like you 😊. Sure, they say opposites attract, but they say “like attracts like” just as much. There are other solitary people who function the same way as you and who also have a desire to find someone. It’s not mission impossible, it’s all about speaking the same language of love and understanding the other person’s way of seeing things. As long as there’s respect for the space and time you need, the relationship will work 👏!

👩‍❤️‍👨 It’s a bit like being single as a pair, you’re in a relationship, but you need moments alone, and you get together when you feel psychologically available.

>>> You might be interested in this article; In a relationship, I struggle to give up my single habits

The needs of a solitary person in a relationship

You, therefore, need to keep in mind that you have to find someone who fits you and understands you. You don’t have to be like two peas in a pod, although that can help. The important thing is to communicate your needs as a solitary person so that the relationship isn’t a burden.

Have your own time and space

This is the number 1 rule! As you’re more focused on your inner world, you need moments to yourselves. So it may take longer to build relationships, but they’re usually deep and lasting once they’ve been established 😉. During this construction period, you can learn to find your rhythm between the times you need to be alone and the times you’re together as a couple. Respecting your space and time is essential for your well-being in a relationship!

Don’t be forced to change

As soon as someone tries to change you, it’s a bad sign for the longevity of the relationship. You don’t need to change the way you are to be in a relationship. You need to adapt, but you can’t change your inner nature. You, therefore, need to tell yourselves that a person who tries to change you and make you less solitary by imposing things on you is a red flag! Again, I repeat, it’s important to find a caring person who understands you 🥰.

🤔 In return, it’s also key to keep in mind that you need to listen to each other’s needs and make an effort. A relationship that works is a couple that knows how to make compromises in order to find balance!

👉 A small nuance: you need to keep in mind that a romantic relationship is by no means an obligation! Not everyone has the same desire for love, as there are asexual and aromantic people. If you’re happy on your own, that’s the main thing, you shouldn’t let being single become a source of suffering.

Editor’s note: A need for solitude and a relationship aren’t incompatible!

As you’ll have understood, being solitary by nature and enjoying your alone time is not at all incompatible with life in a relationship. You “just” need to find the right person who loves and accepts you for who you are, and communicate your expectations clearly. Of course, you also need to make compromises so that you both find what you want. If you feel like your solitude has become too much of a burden to bear or if the same patterns keep repeating themselves in your relationships, then you should make an appointment with a psychologist to understand what’s going on inside you. Over the course of the sessions, you’ll learn to put in place new habits that will enable you to flourish alone and/or in a relationship.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!


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Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

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