Do We Always Need To Have The Last Word? What’s Behind It?

To have the last word, or to be right: that is the question

Yes, indeed, that is the question. Having the last word may not be a habit for some of us, but that doesn’t mean we never do it. Let’s face it, when the subject is close to our hearts, we all want to have the last word, even if it’s some kind of inaudible gibberish that sounds like “you’re talking complete rubbish!”

🙃 Having the last word doesn’t mean you’re right. At best, it means you’re stubborn, and at worst, it means you’re arrogant.

But who are the stubborn ones?

Whatever the discussion, my father doesn’t give up, and if the subject is politics or sport, it’s even worse. The conversation becomes a real fight. It’s annoying because you can’t say anything to the other person. It’s impossible to make your opinion heard! 🤐

Today, debate seems to have taken hold everywhere. You need to have an opinion on almost everything, and on top of that, you need to have the last word. But why? So you’re not seen in a bad light? So you’re respected? So you look smart? Yes, that’s a big part of it. Having the last word allows us to protect ourselves, to be one of those who know, to silence doubt, lack of confidence, and failure.

A (re)taking of power

By forcefully and tenaciously ending a conversation yourself, you can say that you’re defending your position, imposing respect (imposing full stop), and taking power over others. However, this desire to always have the last word can also be a takeover of the child you once were. What if, behind all these stubborn people who don’t give up, there are wounded children who rebel? 💪

I will no longer be silent

This is the case, for example, of children who weren’t listened to, who weren’t allowed to speak, or weren’t given the space to express themselves. Of course, there are also children who have been bullied, who have been forced to stay silent (due to bullying at school, domestic violence, or even incest, for example). Always wanting to be right means that they’re no longer the submissive, silent child they once were.

I’m in control

What could be more unbearable for someone who needs to control everything than the other person talking? Indeed, a conversation is anything but control. It’s impossible to know what the other person is going to say; every new sentence is a surprise, an unexpected event. The fact that we’re unable to let go, that we’re afraid of the unexpected, is enough for us to cling to the only thing we think is reliable: our own words. Words that we impose again and again, ever louder.

How do you get the last word?

In general, I’d say that you shouldn’t always try to have the last word. Always wanting to be right in a conversation indicates that you’re in a competition. It’s no longer a conversation, but a battlefield 🪖 with a winner and a loser. It’s not a climate conducive to harmonious relations.

However, we’re not always saints, and sometimes we need to have the last word. When we doubt ourselves, when we don’t have very high self-esteem, when we give in too easily and regret it, when we don’t have a comeback, or when we don’t know how to express our arguments, it can feel necessary. So how do we do it?

• Choose your battles: Don’t fight over something trivial. Not all discussions should lead to a free-for-all. Learn to let go and ask yourself: do you really need to have the last word in this conversation?
• Sharpen your arguments: Don’t go into battle unarmed. If you don’t know anything about the subject, it’s pointless to try to be right. However, if you have information, knowledge, and arguments, you gain confidence and can demonstrate and convince. Remember, the best way to have arguments is to be curious and open-minded.
• Don’t try to win: Sometimes the best way to have the last word is not to try at all. Listen to the other person, really listen, soak up their opinion, empathize, and maybe even concede with a “you’re right.” Saying “you’re right” is still the best way to have the last word and defuse a potentially tense discussion.
• Manage your emotions: A message interfered with by emotions often becomes a troubling message. If anger or tears arise, take time to breathe or step away. Remaining calm always makes it easier to follow through on your thoughts.

What type of personality has to have the last word?

The need to have the last word can be observed in a variety of personalities but is often more pronounced in people with dominant or competitive traits. Here are a few personality types who may feel a strong need to have the last word:

• Dominant personalities: Individuals with dominant traits seek control and want to be in a position of power. They may find it difficult to accept being contradicted or losing an argument.
• Competitive personalities: Competitive people may feel a need to have the last word to feel victorious or superior. They often see debates as opportunities to prove their intellectual superiority.
• Authoritarian personalities: People with authoritarian traits often have strong convictions about their ideas and may be reluctant to yield to others.
• Narcissistic personalities: Narcissists have a compulsive need to feel superior and admired. They may strive to have the last word to maintain their sense of dominance.

How to deal with a person who always has to have the last word?

It’s unlikely that you’ll change a controlling person’s mind, so your best tool is assertiveness. When dealing with someone who constantly needs the last word, be clear about your point of view, arguments, and decisions, and stick to them. You don’t need to apologize or justify yourself—just express what you think, feel, and want with respect and clarity. These individuals are often persistent, but staying firm can help shift the dynamics of the relationship.

The art of silence: understanding the power of letting go

Sometimes the strongest statement is made through silence. While the urge to have the last word stems from our ego’s need for validation, choosing silence can demonstrate greater emotional intelligence and inner strength. This paradox reveals that true power often lies in restraint rather than dominance.

Research in communication psychology shows that those who consciously choose silence often gain more respect than those who push for the final say. This “strategic silence” isn’t about submission but mastering the art of meaningful communication.

Digital age and the last word syndrome

Social media has created new battlegrounds for the last word. The ability to instantly respond or comment amplifies our natural tendency to want the final say. Understanding how digital platforms feed this compulsion can help us develop healthier communication habits.

Breaking the digital debate cycle

Online discussions often become endless loops of responses, with each participant trying to "win" the exchange. Learning to step away from digital debates before they become toxic shows greater wisdom than crafting the perfect comeback.

Transforming the need for the last word into personal growth

Instead of viewing every conversation as a battlefield, we can reframe our need for the last word as an opportunity for self-reflection. When we feel the urge to respond, we can pause and ask ourselves what deeper insecurity or unmet need is driving this impulse. This awareness becomes a powerful tool for personal development.

Be sure to check out these articles:

• How to stop being a narcissist
• What to do when your boyfriend is cheating on you
• What are the signs your man doesn’t respect you?