7 Things You Shouldn't Say When Fighting With Your Partner

Last updated November 16, 2021 by Katie M.

Of course, if you are in a relationship, arguments are inevitable but sometimes a necessary step to bringing you closer together. Although they are healthy to a certain extent, there are certain things that should never be said during the heat of the moment because they are just way too hurtful. After all, no one really wants to make their partner feel bad unnecessarily. With that in mind, here’s what you should avoid saying when the tension is palpable between you and your man.

As you know, during an argument, a simple sentence can make already heated minds explode. In order for a fight to be constructive and not turn into a sterile conflict, certain sentences, which can particularly hurt the other, must be avoided at all costs; here are 7 examples.

Things to avoid saying when arguing with your man

1. ‘Always’ and ‘never’

Always and never are definitive and seek to provoke an emotional reaction and put your partner on the defensive. Phrases that include an ‘always’ or ‘never’ (‘you always do the same thing’, ‘you never tidy up’, etc.) are rarely accurate and only push your partner to prove you wrong, which won’t move the discussion forward.

2. You will never change

By saying this, you give your spouse the impression that they’re not enough for you. It's a phrase that may cause your man to underestimate himself or become aggressive to protect himself.

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3. Calm down, there's nothing to get upset about

Telling someone to calm down when they are upset has never helped them to calm down... quite the opposite! Saying this is actually considered by therapists as passive-aggressive. You give your partner the impression that you are not interested in what he is saying or in his emotions.

4. I can't stand you anymore

This phrase seems very hateful and personal, which can lead your partner to become mute or even feel rejected and lose confidence.

5. I'm fed up, I’m leaving

Words have meanings, and these kinds of threats can be devastating. It can destroy the trust that binds you to your partner, and if you don't mean it, it can cause you to feel guilty.

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6. Are you really a %*? »= !

As you know, cursing and insults are never constructive. At best, they serve to express your anger, at worst they push you to counter-attack, but they do not help to settle a conflict, since they are never related to a current problem.

7. If you do this, it's over between us

This is typical of emotional blackmail, which can either lead to deeper conflict, causing your partner to do exactly what you don't like, or it can scare him or her and make him or her lose confidence in the relationship.

Editor's note: Find solutions not more problems

What may seem like harmless phrases can actually really hurt your relationship. Avoid aggravating a conflict by using these types of sentences, and instead focus on the problem that is driving you to resolve it more calmly. Finally, when you are faced with a problem that seems insoluble, a psychologist can help you with couple therapy.

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