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Why should you create distance?
āHave you put on weight?ā, āLook at the way theyāre dressed, thereās no wonder they cry rapeā, āMy boyfriend thinks youāre not really depressedā...
Iāve heard all these phrases in my close circle. And I find them all horrible š„. They had the effect of a 20 kg cinder block hitting me in the face. In life, we can be friends with people we think are caring and respectful. You may have even wanted to build a relationship with them more than anything else, because you thought they were so ācoolā.
Then, one day, the relationship takes a turn that you didnāt expect. You enter a cognitive dissonance and ask yourself: did I misunderstand š³? Misinterpret? Is it my hypersensitivity distorting reality? So many questions that you can ask yourself and that already prove that you need to take a step backwards.
>>> Discover; How narcissism affects your friendships
Zooming out
When your nose is glued to an object, you canāt see it in its entirety. You have to take a step back to see its full shape and volume. Well, itās the same with people! |
There are two ways to create distance. As in my example above, it can be a way to analyze the situation and understand why you experienced negative emotions. We take stock of the situation with ourselves, away from the person or people who may have caused this turmoil š. If we see that there are extenuating circumstances, we can decide to get closer again.
However, if youāve had bad premonitions, there are often valid reasons behind them. Itās, therefore, necessary to go to the next level and to distance yourself in order to take protective action and to no longer be in contact with a person who can do us harm.
In what cases should you really create distance?
Every time Iāve felt like walking away from people close to me, itās when Iāve realized that either I donāt share the same values, or I no longer do so. Some people will say that itās normal to have different opinions, but I canāt tolerate misogynistic, fatphobic or ableist (and other such!) comments from people, I love š. Iād rather stay away from these people who I feel are toxic for my mental health.
This isnāt the only case where a friendship can be broken. You also need to be careful when you give more to the other person than you receive. Generally speaking, as soon as thereās an imbalance in the relationship, itās not good. And itās not selfish to ask for reciprocity and respect in a relationship!
š Some examples š
... In short, there are many situations and red flags to be aware of in order to avoid being in a toxic relationship. |
Why do you protect yourself by creating distance?
Because we set our limits. So yes, we can consider communication and say whatās wrong š§. You can solve conflicts by exchanging on the problem, itās even very healthy to do so and itās the number 1 solution to consider. Personally, Iāve already tried it, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didnāt. Because they didnāt want to change, because we were too different, or because the friendship was no longer reciprocal from my side, particularly because of the difference of opinions...
Communication is a good solution, but it doesnāt always work and after several disappointing or even harmful relationships, you have the right not to want to fight and waste time with people who arenāt worth it.
Our personal and emotional integrity need to be a priority. And we protect that by distancing ourselves and not letting someone belittle who we really are deep down. If we let that person do that, we also let them damage our self-esteem. So the best solution is to get away from them, so we donāt leave a part of ourselves behind š¤...
š In the end, it allows you to separate the wheat from the chaff and make new friendships that will be really rewarding, on all levels.
Editorās note: A good decisionCreating distance to protect yourself, reflect, or take stock is a very good idea. We donāt always know what makes us feel bad around someone, the way they act, the way they talk to us, a phrase? Everything gets mixed up, and we no longer understand how we came to feel so bad. Away from this person, ideas are clearer, so donāt hesitate to distance yourself if you feel the need. If not everything is clear to you, if you feel uneasy, or if your relationships are difficult, make an appointment with a psychologist to take stock. š¤ Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... Itās here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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