Creating Distance, What If It Was The Right Solution To Protect Yourself?

Last updated by Lauren Hart

I’ll say it loud and clear: creating distance to protect yourself is a big YES! I say this because I’ve done it with people I loved, but with whom it wasn’t working anymore. Likewise, I’m not necessarily talking about toxic relationships, because there are many cases where it’s good to create some distance. So why can it help us? In what cases? Sometimes there are relationships that are difficult to question. Yet, for our own good, it’s essential that we do so. Let me explain.

Creating Distance, What If It Was The Right Solution To Protect Yourself?
Contents: 

Why should you create distance?

“Have you put on weight?”, “Look at the way they’re dressed, there’s no wonder they cry rape”, “My boyfriend thinks you’re not really depressed”...

I’ve heard all these phrases in my close circle. And I find them all horrible 😥. They had the effect of a 20 kg cinder block hitting me in the face. In life, we can be friends with people we think are caring and respectful. You may have even wanted to build a relationship with them more than anything else, because you thought they were so “cool”.

Then, one day, the relationship takes a turn that you didn’t expect. You enter a cognitive dissonance and ask yourself: did I misunderstand 😳? Misinterpret? Is it my hypersensitivity distorting reality? So many questions that you can ask yourself and that already prove that you need to take a step backwards.

>>> Discover; How narcissism affects your friendships

Zooming out

When your nose is glued to an object, you can’t see it in its entirety. You have to take a step back to see its full shape and volume. Well, it’s the same with people!

There are two ways to create distance. As in my example above, it can be a way to analyze the situation and understand why you experienced negative emotions. We take stock of the situation with ourselves, away from the person or people who may have caused this turmoil 🔍. If we see that there are extenuating circumstances, we can decide to get closer again.

However, if you’ve had bad premonitions, there are often valid reasons behind them. It’s, therefore, necessary to go to the next level and to distance yourself in order to take protective action and to no longer be in contact with a person who can do us harm.

In what cases should you really create distance?

Every time I’ve felt like walking away from people close to me, it’s when I’ve realized that either I don’t share the same values, or I no longer do so. Some people will say that it’s normal to have different opinions, but I can’t tolerate misogynistic, fatphobic or ableist (and other such!) comments from people, I love 💔. I’d rather stay away from these people who I feel are toxic for my mental health.

This isn’t the only case where a friendship can be broken. You also need to be careful when you give more to the other person than you receive. Generally speaking, as soon as there’s an imbalance in the relationship, it’s not good. And it’s not selfish to ask for reciprocity and respect in a relationship!

📌 Some examples 📌

  • If the person is very intrusive, to the point of ruling our lives.
  • If, on the contrary, they’re never available for us, but we have to be available for them.
  • If we’re used for perceived advantages that suit the other person.
  • If the person never gives us time to speak.
  • If we notice that they don’t listen or show interest.
...
In short, there are many situations and red flags to be aware of in order to avoid being in a toxic relationship.

Why do you protect yourself by creating distance?

Because we set our limits. So yes, we can consider communication and say what’s wrong 🧐. You can solve conflicts by exchanging on the problem, it’s even very healthy to do so and it’s the number 1 solution to consider. Personally, I’ve already tried it, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. Because they didn’t want to change, because we were too different, or because the friendship was no longer reciprocal from my side, particularly because of the difference of opinions...

Friends arguing

Communication is a good solution, but it doesn’t always work and after several disappointing or even harmful relationships, you have the right not to want to fight and waste time with people who aren’t worth it.

Our personal and emotional integrity need to be a priority. And we protect that by distancing ourselves and not letting someone belittle who we really are deep down. If we let that person do that, we also let them damage our self-esteem. So the best solution is to get away from them, so we don’t leave a part of ourselves behind 🤕...

👉 In the end, it allows you to separate the wheat from the chaff and make new friendships that will be really rewarding, on all levels.

Editor’s note: A good decision

Creating distance to protect yourself, reflect, or take stock is a very good idea. We don’t always know what makes us feel bad around someone, the way they act, the way they talk to us, a phrase? Everything gets mixed up, and we no longer understand how we came to feel so bad. Away from this person, ideas are clearer, so don’t hesitate to distance yourself if you feel the need. If not everything is clear to you, if you feel uneasy, or if your relationships are difficult, make an appointment with a psychologist to take stock.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!

#BornToBeMe

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Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

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