If you’ve ever given online dating a whirl, the chances are you’ve been ghosted by someone. Now, for those of you who are unaware of this practice, it involves putting a sudden end to a relationship without offering any form of explanation. If I had to estimate how many times this has happened to me, I’d say there are definitely over 10 guys out there who owe me an explanation as to why they suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth… However, all the confusion and short-lived heartbreak has taught me that ghosters always seem to reappear at one time or another.
Online dating is a complete minefield, and whilst you can meet some really nice people, by putting yourself out there like this, you also expose yourself to its toxic pitfalls too. In the age of social media, meeting love interests has never been easier, but leaves us vulnerable to ghosting and other various forms of manipulation. I won’t lie, being ghosted hurts but although we are quick to blame ourselves for the person we matched with taking off, more often than not the problem lies with them. Whether they are simply insecure or just terrible communicators, I’ve realized that lots of guys use dating platforms to become puppet masters and thereby create toxic cycles of virtually disappearing and reappearing into our lives.
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After thinking about all the guys that have put me through the confusion, I’ve finally gotten to the bottom of why they do it and want to share my ideas with you too.
When ghosters make a heartbreaking exit from your life and then decide to pull off a dramatic 180° by reappearing and acting like nothing happened, they want all eyes on them. They love the idea of sending people on emotional rollercoasters and use their indecisiveness as a cry for attention. Plus, their comeback will more than likely be accompanied by a sad story to excuse their awful behavior and pull on your heartstrings whilst they’re at it.
The truth is, people that go completely MIA whilst online dating are often very wishy-washy. The bottom line is that they are no doubt chatting to a multitude of different people, and seem to pick and choose who to focus their attention on from one week to the next. They are awful decision makers and most of the time like to discover whether the grass is greener elsewhere.
These folks love the idea of living dangerously and have a truly charming and seductive side to their personalities. No matter what they say, they simply aren’t cut out for real relationships, which explains why they spend their time flirting and fooling around with so many people. When they decide to reappear in your life, it’s usually because they miss the thrill of the chase and have become bored.
Similarly to people with narcissistic traits, ghosters love to play the puppet masters and get a thrill from the idea of being the one who pulls the strings. Now, I’m not saying they aren’t nice people, but they do love to be in a position to call the shots. For them, feeling powerful is essential, which explains why they believe they have the permission to come in and out of people’s lives.
One of the main reasons guys ghost is because they are too scared to commit to a real relationship. Yet, instead of expressing their fears and talking them through, they prefer to head for the hills and avoid the potential backlash. Plus, the idea of breaking someone’s heart terrifies them and makes them feel bad, which is why they often come crawling back.
As harsh as it may seem, folks that choose to run off and leave people in such circumstances are simply not cut out to love. Instead, they are seeking attention from others in an attempt to boost their own confidence. That’s right, they certainly aren’t looking for their soulmates, but are alternatively looking for a quick ego boost solution that will make them feel wanted.
Ghosters are terrified at the prospect of fighting, which is why they opt out before getting to that stage. They prefer to evaporate into thin air without offering any sort of explanation, rather than embarking into the realities of a real life relationship. Although, when they think you’ve calmed down, they’ll make a reappearance.
People that choose to ghost often believe they are superior to others, which legitimizes their puppet master behavior. Regardless of the amount of times you reiterate what’s important to you, they’ll never listen because they simply don’t care. In fact, they’ll probably do the exact opposite of what you’ve asked them…
If you find yourself in this type of situation, before bombarding them with questions and attention about where they’ve been, ask yourself if it’s worth your while responding. Should you respond to them, the cycle of broken presence will be instantly relaunched and therefore nothing will change. When a ghoster attempts to make a comeback in your life, you should consider the fact that you were happier on your own, and therefore don’t need them anymore. After all, keeping your distance is a way of preserving your own happiness and mental health.
When someone suddenly disappears from our lives, it can raise many questions, and we often blame ourselves for this. Ghosting says more about the character of the ghoster than it does about the victim because in many cases it is an expression of fear: fear of feelings and conflict, fear of attachment, or fear of rejection. Now, when the ghost ups and leaves, they can either feel guilty for the cowardly actions or be totally oblivious to them. That’s right, if the person is used to jumping from relationship to relationship without ever giving any explanations, then why would they feel bad?
Editor’s opinion — Ghosters are highly toxicLet’s be honest here, these folks get a thrill out of playing with other people’s feelings and being in charge. Their lack of regard for the people they chat to is astounding and means that they will never find true, lasting love, or be happy for that matter. 🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Article presented by Katie M.
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