The value of anger
Anger is one of our primary emotions, so it’s useful... if it’s healthy because it also allows us to defend ourselves and to be respected. If you know how to get angry, with a reasonable amount of aggression, it also shows that you’re aware of yourself, and your value and that you know how to defend your integrity.
The first message to understand and hear when it comes to anger, like any other basic emotion, is that it shouldn’t be suppressed 🗯️. Indeed, suppressed anger isn’t anger that’s disappeared. Suppressed anger can turn against you, against the wrong outlet, or it can end up exploding out of all proportions. So let’s talk about managing it. If anger occurs, there’s a good reason for it. So you have to feel it, control it and express your feelings. Because that’s the key: managing to express what you feel in order to feel better.
Expressing your anger through… written sentences
I’ve always written a lot, and I’ve always been angry a lot, but until I was a certain age, I never put the two together. When I was younger, I was the sulky type. When I got angry, I’d send out a few stinging sentences, and I’d shut myself up in long (very long) silence that created distance between me and my loved ones.
>>> To learn a bit more: Incessant sulking, the unbearable blackmail of silence...
The one that exploded in silence
And then one day, great anger came over me while I was at work. In a professional context, I’m the type of person who tends to avoid conflict. I couldn’t explode publicly, but it was impossible for me to stay quiet either. I was literally imploding. So I took out my notebook and wrote this:
|🖊️ “A stormy day. You can feel the anger rising. The taste in your mouth is blood-red. Oh yes, you feel the shiver, your skin vibrating, your heart tearing through your skin, peeking out from under your t-shirt, trying to escape. And your hands tremble. When your body has no more use, when it’s only a shell. Only the red remains and the voracious desire to bite jugulars. To finally become an animal again. To let go, to scream, to drink in cruelty. To keep control only to cause pain and to be alive at last.”|
My heart was beating fast, I was shaking, I was absolutely furious. Once I’d written down everything I had to say, once I’d been able to express myself in the freest way possible, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt better. As you can see, I have a taste for lyricism, but it’s up to you to choose the tone and the words that suit you. Those that allow you to express yourself as openly as possible.
Today, I still write to express my anger often. Sometimes I keep the text to myself, and sometimes I send it 📳. It’s also a way of starting a dialogue, saying what’s on your mind, and switching to positive communication.
Why write down your anger?
As with therapeutic writing, writing in the heat of the moment allows you to take a step back and consider your words. You, therefore, calm down, and you can get your message across with much more respect than when you just express yourself in the heat of the moment. It also allows you to be more precise and clearer and therefore avoid any misunderstandings. It also prevents stammering, sobbing, shouting, and anything else that hinders communication. Putting words to what you feel is also the best way of expressing your emotions and thus avoids letting frustration, anxiety, and resentment build up.
10 quotes to help you express your anger
- 1. “Anger is like an avalanche that breaks on what it breaks.” Seneca
- 2. “When you’re angry, count to four. When you’re really angry, swear.” Mark Twain
- 3. “We'll take back life and without ever shutting up, we’ll give you anger instead of contempt.” Da Silva
- 4. “Words appease anger.” Aeschylus
- 5. “Humor is almost always anger in disguise.” Stephen King
- 6. “Don’t answer when you’re angry. Don’t make promises when you’re happy. Don’t make decisions when you’re sad.”
- 7. “Don’t let the sun set on your anger.”
- 8. “In anger, the wise man thinks of his aftermath.” Confucius
- 9. “There are people who scream when they threaten. Anger clouds their feelings. There are others who talk without raising their voice, and what they say has more of an effect on you.” Tahar Ben Jelloun
- 10. “The more you carry the anger of the past, the less you enjoy the beautiful things today.”
Editor’s note: An emotion to listen to
Anger is an interesting emotion, and it carries a message that we need to know how to hear. It’s an emotion like any other that runs through us, we need to know how to let it pass, how to listen to it, and how to re-transcribe it. Anger should never be stifled or swallowed, it should be analyzed and expressed. But it’s also a particularly strong emotion that can make us do or say terrible things, which is why we need to know how to manage it. This work is often difficult, which is why you shouldn’t hesitate to contact a psychologist in order to take stock. Over the course of the sessions, you’ll learn to manage it and to live in harmony with yourself and the outside world.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
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