If there’s one thing I find very hard to forgive in a relationship, whether it’s friendship, romantic or family, it’s betrayal. It makes you feel dirty, diminished. Betrayal is the sudden death of trust. All happy memories seem tainted, fake. You doubt everything, you don’t know what to hold on to. To better understand this complex emotional wound, I decided to talk to you about it.
According to psychologist Lise Bourbeau, betrayal is one of the major emotional wounds that we experience in childhood and that can be revived as adults. Betrayal also includes:
We may have been betrayed in our innocence and vulnerability by people we depended on and who we fully trusted, such as our attachment figures (usually our parents). These early betrayals may have made us doubt our worth and our ability to trust.
And that’s the terrible thing about betrayal, it undermines our confidence in others and in life. When we’re betrayed, particularly by someone close to us, we feel as if the foundation on which we had built our relationship and our certainties has suddenly collapsed.
Worth noting When we’re emotionally codependent, we experience betrayal even more violently. We tend to idealize the other person, making them an inordinate part of our lives and our emotional balance. The relationship becomes vital, and we can’t imagine living without it. So when betrayal occurs, we lose our security, our value, even our identity. It’s a huge narcissistic injury. |
Unfortunately, a knife in the back can come from anywhere. There are three types of betrayal that are particularly horrible to experience, because they come from our innermost core:
It really is the worst, because we’re disappointed that we put our trust in someone who wasn’t able to bear it.
However, we can also experience betrayal at work, for example, when a colleague steals our work. Or we can even betray ourselves, when we act against our own values. You may feel ashamed, but as you’re the only person who knows this, it’s fairly secondary, unless you reach the point of cognitive dissonance.
Experiencing another betrayal as an adult reactivates this wound and the intense emotions associated with it: feelings of humiliation, injustice, anger and deep sadness. You may feel that you don’t deserve love and loyalty. You may also be overcome by a desire for revenge or, on the contrary, by a feeling of powerlessness and despair 😔...
To cure this wound, it’s important to:
Betrayal is a painful ordeal, but it can also be an opportunity to get to know ourselves better, strengthen our self-esteem and deepen our relationships. By going through this wound, we can emerge stronger and more aware of what really matters to us 💪.
👋 And if your partner’s betrayed you, we’ve got more advice on how to breakup maturely.
Editor’s note - The solution to rebuild your lifeA betrayal is devastating and affects us so intimately that it’s important to seek support. Counselling can help you get back on your feet more quickly and boost your self-confidence. You’re not the problem, it’s the other person who committed the betrayal! However, you may need to work on your emotional dependence. In any case, counselling is a good way to rebuild your life! 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
Be sure to check out the following articles too;
Article presented by
Lauren, Hart
"Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!"
I’m starting to get tired of the routine and daily grind. Yet, I’m hesitant to step out of my comfort zone and take the leap. My bubble is reassuring, and so far, I’ve thrived in it, but I no longer want to be held back by the fear of trying new things. Stepping out of your comfort zone brings many benefits, so how can you dare to take the plunge? Here are 5 tips to get started! 💪
We tend to think of New Year as a sort of fresh start, making it the perfect time to break a bad habit and adopt a better one. After all, we all want to be better, so it’s natural to want to make good resolutions to bring about change. But what happens when we don’t stick to them? After years and years of watching t-shirts pile up because “this year, I’m starting to exercise” and never following through, hello, sense of failure! So, what do we do with New Year’s resolutions? Do we choose better ones or just forget about them altogether? 🥳
If there’s one article I was eager to write for Wengood, it’s this one. I’m part of what’s called the “neuro-A” community, in other words, “neuroatypical” individuals. It might be a term you’ve heard before without really knowing what it means. So, what is neuroatypicality or neurodivergence? Is it an illness? A personality trait? A way of functioning? If you’re asking yourself these questions, you’re in the right place—I’m here to answer them.
Intense anger outbursts, disproportionate verbal and physical aggression… These are all signs that may indicate intermittent explosive disorder (IED). I know what I’m talking about because someone in my family has it. For a long time, I struggled to understand their explosive anger reactions. I think they themselves didn’t know why they reacted that way… until they were diagnosed. Let me explain.
The big introvert that I am has long struggled to approach others. It’s true that taking a step toward someone isn’t easy, especially when you’re dealing with additional challenges: introversion, lack of self-confidence, social anxiety… Having experienced all of this myself, but having made progress over the past few years, I have a few tips to share with you so that you too can come out of your shell. Let’s get started!
If I’ve never experienced a burglary as an adult, I did go through it during my childhood. I remember the uneasy feeling of knowing that strangers had entered our home. I kept wondering if they would come back… The psychological impact of a burglary should not be underestimated. What does it trigger? How can one overcome the feelings of fear and insecurity? Let me share my thoughts with you.
Sharing everything with your partner is a sign of a healthy relationship for some people, even when it comes to working. However, that being said, for others, working with their partner just seems like a bad idea and the perfect recipe for tension. Do we need to separate our personal and professional lives, or is it okay to blur the lines and mix everything? After all, what could do wrong? Find out how to cope when your significant other is also your coworker!
“In any case, you’re the favorite.” I’ve heard this phrase coming from my sister’s mouth over and over again. For a long time, her jealousy spoiled our lives, but I only wanted one thing: for us to be close and united. She poured her resentment in my face for many years until it got out of control. I couldn’t stand feeling so much anger and guilt at the same time. Soothing 30 years of jealousy hasn’t been easy, but there are ways to avoid getting to that point. I didn’t want jealousy to cut me off from my sister!
Growing up with narcissistic parents is certainly no easy feat, because, let's face it, people with this disorder are unsympathetic, selfish, manipulative, egotistical, and dishonest, yes, that's right, these traits aren't exactly those showcased by the parents of the year. Realistically, these folks simply don't have the basic qualities required to become good parents, which is why, when they choose to have a family, things often spin out of control, and the narcissistic abuse undoubtedly crushes children's mental health.
Is the gaze and approval of others essential for you? Are you incapable of saying no? Do you do everything you can to get yourself noticed? This excessive need to please may well be indicative of a profound uneasiness. Why do you need to feel validated by other people so much? And how can you free yourself from this oppressing tendency? We reveal everything you need to know for a more straightforward lifestyle.
Comments