Compulsive seduction and needing to please is a pathology that leads sufferers to do anything and everything for a minute of recognition. Someone who always needs the validation of others, always wants to be the center of attention and asks only to be loved more and more. Whether it is with work colleagues, bosses, friends, family, or even with strangers, sufferers will do everything so that no one remains indifferent to their contact.
Why do I want to seduce everyone around me?
The behavior of this type of person reveals a lack of self-confidence and a void that needs to be filled. People who have not been given sufficient affection by their parents are more often affected by this pathology. The compulsive seducer or flirt is then characterized by narcissism and emotional dependence. Certain symptoms can direct you towards this need to please at all costs:
- A lack of confidence and self-esteem
- A need for recognition
- Need for seduction
- The need to be reassured and valued regarding their image
- A psychological suffering and a deep malaise
>>> Read why do I constantly need attention? <<<
The signs you are a compulsive seducer
- You are obsessed with what others think: this question consumes you every day.
- You hate to be hated: you multiply the attentions, sometimes excessive, to turn the situation to your advantage.
- You can’t say no: you are afraid of hurting others; whether it’s to end a relationship or to refuse a date with friends. Furthermore, you are even willing to do things that put you in trouble, such as agreeing to keep the neighbor’s cat when you are allergic to it!
This behavior hides a deep suffering. Needing to be seen and to be noticed is a way of asking the other person to take an interest in you. Compulsive seducers can suffer from depression because they are very anxious and are afraid of abandonment. Lacking in self-confidence, they fill this void through the eyes of others. But then, how can they get rid of it?
"You will be worth to others what you are worth to yourself" Latin proverb.
How can you stop trying to please everyone?
Overcoming compulsive pleasuring behavior is a process of rewiring your mindset, building your confidence, and embracing your authentic self. Below are the core steps to help you find balance:
1. Acknowledge that you can't please everyone
Repeat this truth to yourself: "It’s impossible to make everyone happy, and that’s okay." When self-doubt creeps in, ground yourself with this reminder.
2. Focus on genuine connections
Build relationships with people who value you for who you are, not for what you can do for them. Quality over quantity is key.
3. Learn to say "No" (and mean it)
If saying no feels overwhelming, practice with smaller situations (e.g., declining an invite to an event you don’t enjoy). Over time, setting limits will feel more natural and empowering.
4. Celebrate being perfectly imperfect
Perfection isn’t attainable—and it’s not your job to achieve it. Learn to laugh at your quirks and embrace your flaws as part of your charm.
5. Seek professional support
If this behavior feels unmanageable, don’t hesitate to talk to a psychologist or therapist. A professional can guide you toward self-discovery and breaking harmful cycles.
Practical tips to build self-confidence
Building self-confidence is essential to overcoming the need to please others. Here are some actionable tips:
- Affirm your strengths: Write down your achievements and revisit them when you doubt yourself. This will remind you of your capabilities.
- Set achievable goals: Start with small, realistic goals that give you a sense of accomplishment and help you grow over time.
- Engage in self-care: Prioritize activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time on hobbies you enjoy.
- Celebrate progress: Acknowledge even the smallest victories in your journey toward self-confidence. Every step forward matters.
What to do when you don’t feel pretty?
Finding yourself beautiful is more than just loving the reflection in the mirror. Here are 8 ways to find yourself beautiful... every day a little more!
1) Look at the bigger picture
Love who you are, not just who you show (or see in the mirror!). You are more than your appearance. To love yourself and find yourself beautiful, you must love yourself globally.
2) Tell yourself you are beautiful
Find three parts of your body that you love and strive to always showcase them.
3) Fight complexes, one at a time
Don’t like your nose? Do your arms bother you? Do you think your thighs are ugly? Don’t just say it: do it! Take different ways to change, make peace with this part of your body, or learn how to camouflage your flaws.
4) Stop complaining
Yes, you’re not as thin as you were 15 years ago, but that’s no reason to remind yourself every day. Stop looking back and go for it! Accepting that your body is changing is a much more positive attitude.
5) Accept compliments
When someone compliments you, don’t be embarrassed. When someone says "That dress looks great on you", don’t say "Well you know, I’m wearing Spanx underneath" or "Stop! I think my belly is showing too much!" Be proud and simply say "Thank you!"
6) No more comparing yourself!
Yes, all the celebrities in magazines and on TV look great! But they don’t live in the same reality as us! And they have hairdressers, make-up artists, stylists, and other "beauty helpers" at their service. If your addiction to extreme comparison is undermining your life, stop looking at women’s magazines until you are able to distance yourself from what they offer and real life!
7) The power of mantras
Repeat positive phrases to yourself that help you feel confident!
8) Pamper yourself
Take the time to pamper your body. Don’t always take quick showers or baths, treat yourself to a spa night at home. Use products that you like for a moment of softness that helps you love yourself more.
Why do people-pleasers struggle with self-worth?
People-pleasers often base their self-worth on external validation, which makes them vulnerable to feeling inadequate or unworthy when they don’t receive the approval they seek. This constant need for validation can lead to anxiety, stress, and even burnout.
- Fear of rejection: People-pleasers are often driven by a fear of rejection or abandonment. They believe that if they don’t meet others’ expectations, they will be disliked or abandoned.
- Low self-esteem: Many people-pleasers struggle with low self-esteem, which makes them overly reliant on others’ approval to feel good about themselves.
- Difficulty setting boundaries: People-pleasers often have trouble setting boundaries because they don’t want to disappoint or upset others. This can lead to them being taken advantage of or feeling overwhelmed.
Breaking free from the need to please everyone requires building self-worth from within and learning to prioritize your own needs and desires.
Five core strategies to stop people-pleasing
| Strategy | Why It Matters |
|---|
| Refocus Your Energy | Invest in hobbies and passions that make you happy. This shifts your focus away from external validation. |
| Accept "No" From Others | Hearing "no" is not a rejection of your worth—it simply sets boundaries. Learn to respect it without internalizing it. |
| Affirm Your Worth | Write daily affirmations to remind yourself that you bring value just by being you. |
Editor’s note: An addiction to be curedTo relieve his anxiety and anguish, the compulsive seducer creates many opportunities for seduction. For some, it is a real addiction that can lead to depression, problems of loneliness, but also anxiety disorders and even suicides. Do not hesitate to contact our certified psychologists for help and to regain your self-confidence. |
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