Love is certainly a confusing concept, yet once we develop feelings for someone, noticing the red flags is definitely a challenge that I personally never seem to be able to master. Looking back on my last two romantic relationships, I noticed a pattern and a terrifying one at that! There was certainly a strong correlation between the types of people my exes were. Plus, their behavior and sleazy ways left me in no doubt that they were both narcissists, although I was oblivious to this when I was actually with them. Their love bombing, manipulation and hidden abuse brainwashed me, and plunged me into a sequence of unhappy and mentally crushing relationships. Being subjected to the psychological abuse by my first partner left me vulnerable, and ensured I ran straight into the arms of the first guy who flattered me (my second ex). The only way to break the cycle of abuse was to understand why it was happening to me.
>>> Discover the personality types that narcissists target
5 Reasons why I ended up dating a narcissist
Here’s why narcissists want to date me, and why they might want to be with you too…
1) I’m an empath
No matter the circumstance, I always want people to feel good about themselves and will do anything to make that happen. I am definitely a naturally sensitive person and often take on other people’s burdens and problems when I probably don’t need to, but hey, what can I do? I try to see the good in everyone, no matter what they have done previously. When I was a kid, my mom used to say that I loved healing the wounded, and I guess she was right, although, she didn’t specify that it would be to the detriment of my mental health. Narcissists regard empathy as a weakness, which is why I must have seemed like the perfect prey for my exes.
>>> Discover the confirmation signs you are an empath
2) I had lost all my confidence
When I dated my first narcissistic partner, I started out as a confident career woman, who had lots of friends and a great social life. However, at the end of our relationship, I was a shadow of my former self, which is why I ended up repeating history with my second ex. All the put-downs, the criticism, and catty remarks broke my soul, to the point where I didn’t even recognize the person I’d become.
3) I was lonely
After feeling constantly isolated and alienated from my loved ones, I wanted to find a connection; a real one. After my first breakup, I arguably should have been more aware of the dangers associated with these personalities, but in my defense, I wasn’t in good shape. I naively wanted someone to care for me, and someone to help me feel something again. The loneliness and disconnection resulted in me feeling numb, which made my downtrodden, yet pure heart a prize to grab.
4) I felt special (sometimes)
In my experience, I had gotten used to the compliments and the fancy dates at the start, and this inaccurate impression meant I was unable to acknowledge the red flags. Having a guy by my side who was so interested in me and my life was so flattering. It’s fair to say that being made to feel good about myself was a feeling I had soon got used to, despite the kindness not lasting long at all.
5) I struggle to set boundaries
As a natural people-pleaser, setting boundaries just isn’t in my DNA. Whether it’s with my partner or my friends, I’m simply incapable of keeping people at arm's length, which evidently opens the door for manipulative personalities. Not being able to speak my mind and say no to my loved ones may not seem like a bad thing, but this need to please often takes on extreme proportions and paradoxically ends with me feeling hurt.
Editor’s opinion — Healing from hidden abuse is tough
The road to recovery is a winding one, especially after a relationship with a confirmed narcissist. However, once you realize what you have been through and find the courage to walk away, I promise you that you’ll discover your old self. The person who loved having fun, the person who loved socializing, the person who was confident in what they have to offer. That old self!
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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