10 things you absolutely shouldn’t say in a relationship
I was inspired to write this article when I came across the book “Forbidden phrases if you want to stay in a relationship” by Gilles and Pascale Legardinier. Indeed, in order to remain happy in a relationship, you need to take a step back and pay attention to your behavior.
We all know how essential positive communication is in a relationship, but also how fragile it can be. That’s why I thought I’d share a few phrases that I think are relevant, so that you don’t make any more mistakes and bring your relationship to a quick end 💔.
Please note I’ve deliberately excluded the famous phrase “we need to talk”. It’s generally perceived very negatively, because it’s associated with a sudden break-up, but I think that, on the contrary, we need to demystify it and learn to talk. Communication is what keeps a couple together 💪! |
1. “It’s your problem, you sort it out”
When you’re in a relationship, you’re linked to another person through feelings. So you make a commitment and, more importantly, you support each other emotionally. It’s out of the question that you leave the other person with their problems, if you care about them, you get involved 🥰. If your partner has problems often, or even all the time, you need to ask yourself what’s dysfunctional about their behavior. In short, we dig deeper, but we don’t throw out this phrase, because otherwise it just proves that we don’t care about the other person 👎.
2. “I swear, if you do this…”
Threats are never a solution, never. It’s just a sign of toxic behavior and the phrases of a manipulator! What’s more, it will only make the situation worse, as the other person will feel (rightly) attacked. On the contrary, if our partner’s behavior doesn’t suit us for various reasons, legitimate ones or not, talk about it! Thus, we use non-violent communication to find common ground and calm things down ⚖️.
3. “It’s nothing!”
Sometimes there are emotions that get stuck, or even a feeling of resentment that rears its head. Our partner can sense this and if he asks us “what’s wrong?”, we absolutely must avoid answering “there’s nothing wrong”. Because, on the contrary, it’s everything. A whole heap of emotions and annoyances, which may not even be related to the relationship! But the important thing is to open up and talk about it. Yes, I know, it’s never easy to put an emotion into words, but you need to learn to do it if you want your relationship to work 🤗!
4. “Why are you smiling?”
When you’re in a relationship, you’re always a little worried that the other person will be able to flourish without you. So when you catch your partner smiling, without knowing why, the anxiety sets in 😅. And if it happens while your other half is holding their phone, it’s even worse! It’s a festival, and we’re imagining a whole host of things, telling ourselves that the other person is cheating on us 🤯. You need to reject this kind of thinking at all costs and tell yourself that everyone has the right to have their own private life. If you can’t resist and ask the question, try to rejoice in the other person’s happiness.
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5. “You’re just like your mother”
Ouch, this one hurts 😫. We’re well aware that this phrase isn’t meant as a compliment for our mother-in-law. On the contrary, we’re letting our other half know that he or she has all the flaws we hate in mother-in-law. Except that this type of comparison serves no purpose, apart from bringing up a heap of family conflicts. Our loved one isn’t the image of his or her mother, each person is an individual person. So of course, you can’t forget about education, and even if this sentence is close to the truth, don’t say it, because it won’t help matters!
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6. “Have you put on a bit of weight?”
This phrase reflects just one thing: internalized fat phobia. Making remarks about someone’s weight is rude, all the more so when it’s the person you share your life with. Why? Because we associate desirability with weight 🤨. Everyone’s ideal weight varies according to a whole host of factors, not to mention the fact that depression or another illness may be behind it. If you’re worried about this, talk about it, without going through the prism of weight. If it’s just because it doesn’t suit you, you should question your relationship with your body. Looks aren’t the only thing that counts 😅!
7. “Do you remember that day when…”
...we met, when we kissed for the first time, when we fell in love, etc.
We usually ask this question because we’re feeling nostalgic. We want to recall that good memory, but we don’t have the same emotions at the same time. When you think about it, your partner might be thinking about paying their taxes! Worse still, you may get the terribly terse response of “no, I don’t remember”. And then there’s drama 💥. It hurts your ego, and you tell yourself that the other person doesn’t attach as much importance to the relationship. Sometimes that’s true, and it can be a good red flag, but in that case you need to question everything. Are you really ready to do that? That’s what you need to ask yourself 😟.
8. “You aren’t capable of it”
Doubting another person is extremely hurtful. On top of that, it can be disguised criticism and a source of frustration. Whether we’re putting up a new shelf or changing jobs, we should refrain from saying things like that. It’s up to the other person to assess their ability to succeed, and there’s no need to be so toxic. Besides, bringing the other person down is a form of psychological violence, which can also involve taking unnecessary risks 🙃.
9. “You should’ve just asked me”
Hey, it’s the mental load that hits 😫! More often than not, this kind of phrase is uttered by a man, because in heterosexual relationships, it’s often the woman who manages everything at home. So I’m speaking directly to the men, instead of saying these kinds of phrases, which prove that there’s no investment on your part, anticipate things. Be aware of the stain, the responsibility or the problem and don’t let your partner carry it all 😬. That’s how you spread the mental load in a relationship, when everyone does their fair share.
10. “What’s your favorite part of me?”
Again, this kind of phrase means we’re focusing a little too much on the physical. What’s more, we need to ask ourselves whether we want our partner to tell us what we want to hear or whether we want them to be really sincere 🥴. In both cases, this sentence shows that we lack self-confidence and that we absolutely need to know what the other person likes about us. Avoid fishing for compliments, take them when they come 😉!
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Editor’s note: Words have powerWords aren’t neutral, they can make you smile as well as hurt deeply and open a breach in a relationship. Of course, words can sometimes go beyond our thoughts, nobody’s perfect, but it’s important to question and challenge ourselves. Clear, healthy communication is the foundation of a relationship, so pay attention... If you’re experiencing problems in your relationship, if certain words are hurting you or if communication is going badly, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with one of our psychologists to take stock of the situation. 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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