The test that makes you fall in love
How did the experiment come to be known by the public?
The New York Times decided to investigate and publish the testimony of Mandy Len Catron; in which the young woman revealed how she fell in love with one of her college friends. She had chosen him as a guinea pig to test the researcher's questions, and then the magic happened! The experiment worked, and no first date was even needed.
💞 If the two lovebirds were already infatuated before starting the test, they assure that they were not aware of it until they reached the 36th question.
Where does the idea of Arthur Aron's experiment come from?
Many discoveries are the result of fortunate accidents, and this is the case with this research. It does not date from yesterday, since it was made in 1997. Arthur Aron, a professor at Stony Brook University in New York, was working on intimacy, and he decided to develop a simple exercise to see if it was possible to create intimacy between two people who do not know each other. The least we can say is that the experiment worked!
A couple even married within 6 months
In order for a researcher to get results from a study, there must be test phases and of course guinea pigs. So, the professor conducted several test phases with different individuals. One of the student-test duos got married 6 months after having done the experiment! Others also got married, and it did not stop there... Arthur Aron then understood what made it work and had seized the meaning of happiness!
>>> Discover tips on how to be happier
How can we fall in love with the same questions?
Creating intimacy between two spirits
The researcher had indeed put his finger on something important, and that is vulnerability and intimate confessions. When meeting a new person, it often takes a while to open up and show who you really are. Most of the time, we hit on a man, based mostly on physical attraction. However, we appreciate that appearance is not everything! We fall in love when we start to discover the person and an intimate relationship is established too.
🥰 This is why it is possible to fall in love with the questionnaire, because it creates a climate conducive to the birth of love feelings through intimacy.
The detail of unconsciousness
It is necessary to bring a nuance that the researcher said brought up himself. The experiment took place in a context that brought together people who were already in the same social context (the university). Also, the questionnaire only brings together people who have already chosen each other in love, even if it was unconsciously.
😌 In fact, the brain guides us naturally, without us being aware of it. We know how to recognize someone we can fall in love with. That's why it's so important to listen to your subconscious!
>>> Find out why I fall out of love so quickly
What are the famous 36 questions that lead to love?
For the experiment to really work, you need to spend an hour in a quiet place. You must take turns answering the questions. The goal is to speak with an open heart and not to comment on your partner's answers. Sincerity must be at the heart of the process! There are 3 parts that divide the questionnaire, and each of them raise the level of intimacy. At the end, take several minutes (at least 4) to look each other in the eye and stare.
- If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would you choose?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before a phone call, do you rehearse what you are going to say every time? Why or why not?
- How would you define a “perfect day”?
- When was the last time you sang for yourself? And for someone else?
- If you could live to be 90 and have either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, what would you choose?
- Do you have a gut feeling about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner seem to have in common.
- What is the one thing you are most grateful for in life?
- If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes to tell your partner about your life in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or skill, what would it be?
- 13) If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
- 14) Is there anything you have dreamed about for a long time? Why haven't you realized it?
- 15) What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- 16) What is the most important thing in friendship?
- 17) What is your most precious memory?
- 18) What is your most terrible memory?
- 19) If you knew you were going to die suddenly in one year, would you change your lifestyle? Why or why not?
- 20) What does the word “friendship” mean to you?
- 21) What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- 22) Share with your partner something that you consider to be a positive characteristic about him/her. Share, a total of five.
- 23) How close-knit and warm is your family? Do you think your childhood was happier than most people's?
- 24) How would you rate your relationship with your mother?
- 25) Tell three truths, each beginning with the word “we”. For example, “We are both in this room…”
- 26) Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone to share…”
- 27) If you were to get close to your partner, tell him or her what would be important for him or her to know.
- 28) Tell your partner what you like about him or her. Be very honest and only say things you would not say to someone you just met.
- 29) Share an embarrassing moment in your life with your partner.
- 30) When was the last time you cried in front of another person? How about by yourself?
- 31) Tell your partner something you already like about them.
- 32) What subject is too serious to laugh about?
- 33) If you were to die tonight without the opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not saying? Why haven't you told them until now?
- 34) Your house, which contains everything you own, catches fire. After saving your family and pets, you have time to safely retrieve one thing. What would it be? Why or why not?
- 35) Which family member's death would affect you the most? Why or why not?
- 36) Share a personal problem and ask your partner how they would handle it. Also ask your partner to tell you how they think you feel about this problem.
>>> Read up on the 10 tips to a successful relationship
Do 36 questions to fall in love work?
In 1995, the American psychologist Arthur Aron, a research professor at Stony Brook University in New York, tried to demonstrate that two strangers can fall in love if they exchange 36 questions. He declined his theory in 3 sets of 12 questions, from the most to the least personal. When he tested this experiment with volunteers, several couples finally got married a few months later... In the theory of the bond he developed, a strong relationship would, according to him, be based on "personal, sustained, growing and reciprocal self-disclosure". That is to say that by showing vulnerability, one favors closeness and intimate confessions, the first step towards intimacy.
It is scientifically proven that you will not "fall in love", but that the climate thus created is very likely to push you into each other's arms. The only thing is that you may not have chosen just anyone. The questionnaire only makes people fall in love who have already chosen each other, consciously or unconsciously, on the basis of physical criteria, a mutual acceptance of the game, and an openness to the other. It is not chance or magic, the unconscious smell each other, recognize each other and choose each other. This questionnaire just allows accelerating the passage from a desire to feelings. The climate created is then favorable to the outbreak of love.
Editor's tip: Tell us all about it!
Ready to try? Why not try it with a friend you're attracted to? It might be a good way to get out of the friend zone? Give us your feedback if you have tried it! And if you don't manage to find love despite all your efforts, it might be time to turn to a coach to assess your situation together.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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